


Renewal

by juliesioux



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Aging, Arrow Post Season 7 finale, Deep love, Dimensional Travel, F/M, Love, Soulmates, Time Travel, olicity - Freeform, olicity au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-14
Updated: 2019-08-20
Packaged: 2020-03-05 07:20:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 66,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18823837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/juliesioux/pseuds/juliesioux
Summary: I started writing this piece as a one shot, thinking once it was done so would I be. No more fic writing. But I was wrong.This first bit leads into the story we might never get and I wanted to explore the loneliness Felicity must have felt and the urgency she would feel to go and find him once she could.I start with Oliver's perspective because I think it's important to see where he is in terms of the story. This is the story of how they find each other again across time and space.(I hope this pans out lol)





	1. The Day the Dinosaurs Died

**Renewal: Prelude**

**The Day the Dinosaurs Died**  
  
_She lit up the Universe_  
a speck of light in the emptiness  
_traveling towards the unknown._

 

_Oliver opened his eyes to a blaze of light as the sun slipped past the curve of the earth. There was a ripple in the atmosphere below him and then darkness slowly covered the planet. A glimmer of starlight, caught out of the corner of his eye, pulled his attention to the velvet expanse of space. He couldn’t be sure, but he thought he saw the pale face of an impossibly tall man fade to pinpoint of light before vanishing completely to black._

_Shaking his head, Oliver tried to get a feeling for where his dream had taken him. He was hovering above the earth, watching as it slowly rotated around its axis, around the sun, and through the galaxy. An endless cosmic dance, billions of years old was on display for him. He didn’t feel cold or unable to breathe, even though he was beyond the threshold of earth’s atmosphere, where the infinite expanse of space rushed up to meet the earth’s thermosphere, its first shield against the nothingness of space._

_He watched the shimmer of stars, nestled deep in the velvet blackness of deep space, and the pop of colour from distance planets; earth’s celestial neighbours. It was a riot of life and energy, all held in check by a gravity so strong it formed planets, moons and stars from specks of dust. Oliver turned his head to look out past the moon, trying to see past the blaze of reflecting light of the Sun._

_A flash of motion caught his eye and he watched a meteor, one so enormous that is punched a hole six miles wide in the earth’s, letting the atmosphere escape into the void of space. He marveled at the size of it. The way it so elegantly slammed into the earth, sending ripples of energy across the surface of the planet, was mesmerizing._

_He watched mountain ranges rise up faster than he could track their growth only to disappear back into dust, falling silently into an 18 mile deep gouge in the fragile planet’s crust. Material jettisoned out of the hole in the atmosphere, hotter than the surface of the sun, and on the earth’s surface, it splashed down and set fire to everything for thousands of miles around the point of impact._

_This was the meteor strike that ended the reign of the dinosaurs. It killed almost everything on earth, burning jungles to ash, covering the North America in sea water from a series of tsunamis that swept up everything in their paths. Fish died gasping, trying to breathe, as the air itself was on fire all around the globe._

_The moon behind him bore silent witness as the earth wobbled on its axis and moved slightly out of its normal orbit. Nothing was familiar in the sky beyond it. None of the stars were in their correct positions yet, some had just been born and their light was still millions of years away. Planets were being formed out the debris left behind after the creation of the Universe, Nurseries of stars were exploding with life and here he hovered above an infant planet in the midst of almost complete and catastrophic destruction._

_He remembered Felicity explaining all of this to him late one sultry night in Bali. They had rented a villa that had a pool, a private beach and an outdoor bedroom that could be used in rain or shine. That night they had stripped the canvas roof back, but retained the mosquito netting, and laid watching the sky for hours. Then, as a meteor streaked across the sky, she had quietly begun to tell the story of how the dinosaurs died._

_At some point, with her finger tips trailing across the soft skin below his navel, Felicity slowly pushed down the thin blanket they were under and climbed on top of him. She joined their bodies and continued to murmur the story of how mammals rose out of the ashes as they made love with a tenderness that felt earned. But all he could focus on was the Universe turning slowly above her head and how blessed he was that she had chosen him._

_A fiery plume, created by the six mile wide asteroid vaporizing on impact, caught his eye as it reached halfway to the moon before falling, disintegrating, into incandescent dust. That ejecta would seed life throughout the solar system even as the earth lost almost all the life it had supported for millions of years. Oliver watched it all and wondered why he had chosen this moment to visit and not something more recent._

_Yet he still watched as the earth continued to turn, slowly tearing itself apart from the force of the impact. The vaporized anhydrite rock of the crust had blasted ten trillion tons of sulfur compounds into the air. The sulfur combined with water to form sulfuric acid which then fell back to earth, the acid rain strong enough to strip the remaining plants of their leaves. In a matter of days, the earth’s atmosphere turned toxic enough to choke the oceans and forests of all their dying nutrients. The earth was effectively dead._  
  
_But it would renew itself. The oceans would be replenished, the forests would regrow, and new species of mammals would slowly expand until they covered the earth in wave after wave of unique species. The ancestral hominid, who would become the human beings that now were in the savage act of destroying the earth through other means and methods, would stand tall in the Savannah plains. They would be the turning point and in the blink of the eye, evolution would carry them here._

_Oliver felt a warm breeze, more like a breath, across the back of his neck and the feeling of being embraced. With a small smile, he closed his eyes and slipped back through the veil of time, to rejoin Felicity in their bed._

“Hmmmm...you were dreaming of something big, weren’t you?” she asked sleepily, nestling closer to him.  
“How could you tell?” he murmured, still trying to decide if he was ready to wake up or not.  
“You murmur and smile,” she said, her voice drifting away, “It’s nice. I like it.”

Carefully, Oliver turned so he could slip his arm around her. No light was coming in through the windows but she was luminous, light clinging to her hair and skin. He loved watching her sleep, now more than ever. They had been privately and quietly celebrating her pregnancy away from Diggle and the others. For now, these early moments, belonged to only the two of them. Felicity had asked that he not tell anyone, not yet, not until she was sure everything was ok.

It hadn’t taken much convincing. Some mornings, they laid in bed and talked in hushed voices about the need for baby clothes, for toys, for a crib and maybe a rocking chair. One morning, before the sun had risen, Felicity had whispered him awake, telling him about the dream she had woken up from. He listened to her describe a light filled room, the sounds of birds filtering through the open windows, and the crib where their child slept.

The vision she left him with, after she drifted off back to sleep, was one of such tranquility, love and vibrant peace, that he felt a tear slowly trickle down his cheek. He wanted it more than anything, to give her and their child that world full of light and safety, but he knew he was lying to himself and her. There was a storm coming, one he couldn’t escape or see any way through. The last thing he wanted to do was dim the light in her eyes, to take from her the happiness they had found together, but that last thing was slowly approaching them. A runaway train he had no hope of stopping.

Earlier, while gazing down at Felicity before turning out the lights, he had noticed how long her hair was getting, the slight change in colour at the roots, the fine baby hairs growing in along her hairline. She was slowly changing her skin, replicating herself inside and out, shedding what was no longer needed for the long nine months to come. He felt himself beaming with love and pride when he thought about what they had created together.

Protectively, he tightened his arm around her, feeling the entire length of her body pressed against his, her top leg slipped between his, entwining their bodies. There was a tenderness to it but also a strength that surprised him the first time he felt it. He’d never felt this kind of closeness with another human being before, he hadn’t known it could even be possible.

His parents had been affectionate with one another and with both Thea and himself but there had always been a distance, a coldness, that surrounded them. He had rationalized it away as a byproduct of the world they lived in, one of secret meetings, lovers, and hidden families. The vast wealth and privilege he grew up in meant life held slightly different meaning within the walls of Queen Mansion.

They had thought love was a commodity to be bought, sold and speculated on like stocks and bonds. Under it all, he knew they loved their children but it was wrapped in barbed wire designed to hurt and protect. They were not role models to follow but he loved them through it all and all that they did and failed to do. He was struggling with his father and finally accepting that he was not a good man. He had done something so unforgivable, so violently amoral, that Oliver had ceased to think of him as his father. He was now simply Robert Queen.

Careful not to wake her, Oliver tenderly swept a few glittering strands of hair off of her face. Everything about Fleicity shone. She was a beam of light in a world of shadows, a ray of sun bursting through the storm clouds, she was energy and motion. A whirlwind that blew away the debris of violence and self loathing that he had mired himself in for five years prior to meeting her.

Falling in love with her had hurt. It had battered him, scraped him raw, forced him to face the monsters that lurked deep in his mind. He had to let go of the rage, the burning self hatred, and look at himself without judgement. For that alone, he would have loved her until the end of time but she had given him so much more. Everyday, she offered a glimpse of something new, something to live for without a question or doubt.

As he slipped back to sleep, he wished he could hold back the night so that they could spend just a little more time together, safely away from the horrors their world routinely uncovered. His last thought was one of surprise as he noticed that she now smelled different, more earthy, like the forest after a spring rain.

_He felt as though he were falling. Time and space whirled around him, giving him glimpses of the earth as it formed, as it replenished itself after the asteroid strike, and then as it would burn when the Sun expanded, engulfing it as it grew in its death throes as it became a red giant, filling the solar system with its fury._

_It was violent but beautiful as it all unfolded in spectacular silence until everything was gone. Not even a cloud of ash was left by the time the Sun burned all of its fuel and powerful stellar winds had carried most of its mass away. Pluto, lost somewhere behind him, would have flowing oceans of nitrogen, methane and carbon monoxide. All of them icy blue and lethal._

_“But wait,” came a deep, quiet voice, “there is more.”_

_Oliver turned towards the voice and caught a glimpse of star-filled eyes before a delicate shower of glittering sand fell on him, carrying him away on a celestial breeze. Space wasn’t still, it wasn’t peaceful. It was alive, even in the emptiest of places. Something was always in the process of being created or destroyed._

_Light bent around his body and he felt the presence of Felicity at his side. She usually appeared like a whirlwind but this time, she illuminated the space around them and pushed away the darkness with a wave of her hand._

_“Look,” she said quietly, pointing straight ahead of them, “Can you see it?”_

_Oliver stared out, looking out beyond her outstretched arm, and searched the black backdrop of space, trying to see what she was pointing towards. At first, all he could see was the emptiness of space. Not a glimmer of light or hint of movement until just as he was about to turn away, a sudden flash bloomed briefly into view. What looked like the silver threads of a spider’s web began to burst into life in front of them. Each time two would touch, they would change direction, merging together to become one, only to join with another thread._

_He watched an intricate lattice of threads of light create itself, in awe of its structure amidst the deliberate chaos of the universe. It was mesmerizing and held the hint of something personal, purposeful and intimately related to both himself and Felicity._

_“What am I looking at?” he asked, not taking his eyes off of the scene in front of them._  
_“Us,” was all she said._

_And then he saw what she meant. Each strand was them meeting over and over and over again. No matter how long it took, they always joined, forming a bond so strong not even the forces of the universe could tear them apart._

_Felicity gently stroked his arm and then she was gone, leaving him to his dream. He felt renewed, ready to face the future and the decisions that they needed to make. If the earth could face almost complete destruction and find a way to survive, then so could he. With a smile, let himself drift back to consciousness._


	2. Night of the New Moon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This story has to dive deep into Felicity's wrestling with her grief over losing Oliver as he goes off to say the Universe. I would imagine it would be a constant presence in her life but at the very beginning, it would be soul destroying. There is just no way to move the story forward with out showing the way entered it and how she pulled herself through it.
> 
> At the same time, I decided to continue Oliver's story as we don't know about the way they spent their time together with their newborn or even how they spent their time together before Mia gave birth.
> 
> It is important for this story to see Oliver's POV of the time before so that Felicity's story makes sense - at least to me.
> 
> So this chapter isn't an easy one. But it has some moments of intimacy and gentle conversation.

**Chapter 1**  
**Night of the New Moon**

_She holds herself together_   
_Mourning all that has been lost_   
_Her heart in pieces._

 

Felicity stood on the small porch that overlooked the small backyard behind her home. It was three days before the end of the year, when the skies darkened early and the sun often stayed hidden behind low hanging clouds. That night, the sky had been clear of clouds, the moon was new and still well below the horizon behind the mountains to the east. The darkness pressed in around her but she kept her eyes fixed on the stars above until her vision blurred and tears streamed down her face.

Oliver had been gone for a month and half. She had no idea where he was or what he was doing but she was absolutely sure he was alive. She would bet her own life on that without hesitation. However, that certainty didn’t stop her heart from hammering in her chest in fear or her waking up in the middle of the night with the beginnings of a wail of sheer desolation on her lips.

She flowed between feeling immense pride in Oliver, that he was so willing to lay his life down for the greater good, but also a deep sense of desolation, loneliness and a sadness that was slowly dimming the light inside her heart.

It wasn’t fair, she thought in a sudden flash of anger, he had just completed his mission. His life was finally his to live on his own terms and then there was Mia...

The air rushed out of her lungs, tearing her heart and soul to shreds. She stumbled down the stairs and went to stand in the centre of the yard. Looking up, she focused on the stars above her, letting her tears fall down her face.

He was out there, somewhere, and if it was the last thing she did on this earth, she would find him. But in that moment, under the endless watch of the Universe, Felicity felt only the void of his absence in her life. She looked back at the cabin, and tried to remember the days immediately following his departure, and saw nothing. Everything was blank. It was like half of her soul had died, taking her desire to live with it.

Carefully, as though testing the water, her memories had begun to ease back to life. Moments that she had blocked to safeguard her heart, laid their weight upon her and she crumbled, slowing the earth in its orbit as she collapsed in exhaustion from feeling nothing even as her month old daughter fought to find her among the ghosts in the cabin.

Returning her gaze to the stars, she could feel the beginning of a wail rising up from the bottom of her soul. Stretching her neck back, she took small sips of the cool night air, trying to calm the sorrow even as the tears poured down her cheeks.

Blind with grief, she dropped to the ground and dug her hands into the cold, wet earth, gripping the soil and grass, anchoring her body to the planet despite her unspoken wish to find Oliver and join him again. His absence had cleaved her heart in two and she felt the loss of him so keenly, so intimately late in the day when she would turn to ask him a question about dinner or reach for him in bed late at night. A reminder of when the world would fall silent and be theirs alone.

Felicity curled her body around the pain and silently wept, salting the earth with her tears. There wasn’t anything she would give for one more moment with Oliver. To see him, hold him just a little bit longer and feel the safety of his arms around her. She would beg him not to go knowing he would leave, sacrificing his life for everyone else.

“I miss you,” she whispered, her tears dripping off the end of her nose and falling noiselessly to the ground, “I need you here, with us, with me. Come back to us, please, come back.”

It was the sound of her daughter crying that pulled Felicity back to the reality of her world, the one she now had to navigate alone as a mother and protector to their child. Mia had to be her priority now. Her safety, her world, depended on her mother not crumbling under the weight of a loneliness so profound her heart held echoes where once it was full of love and hope.

With purpose, she rose to her feet, brushed her hands off on her pants, and wiped her eyes with the hem of her shirt. There was no one there to see her but she smoothed her hair back and straightened her clothes anyways. It was an act of reclaiming her space, of piecing together the shattered pieces of her heart. Some of the shards were lost to her but she did the best she could with the remaining ones, hoping that they would stay connected not for her sake but for Mia’s.

Looking up at the stars one last time before retreating indoors, Felicity send a silent prayer up into the universe and hoped that it would be heard by Oliver. Mia’s cries grew more insistent and her breasts were beginning to hurt. One thing was for certain, her daughter had her father’s metabolism and appetite.

“I’m coming, love,” she said quietly as she mounted the stairs, “I’m coming.”

Felicity closed the door behind her, set the latest home security version of Archer, and made her way to Mia’s room. Her cries had turned to hiccups but a smile burst across her face when she saw her mom. Felicity felt a swell of tears but forcefully cut them off. She couldn’t let Mia sense her grief and sadness.

Turning the lights low, she picked up her daughter and retreated to the livingroom. She wanted to sit in Oliver’s chair, wrapped in the blanket he would bury himself under when napping with Mia. She carefully covered them both and was so glad she could still smell him on it. Getting Mia comfortable and settled to her breast, she thought about the that first moment when they met and started to tell their daughter their story. If nothing else, Mia would know that her parents had found each other against all odds and created a journey that was their own.

Thirty minutes later, Mia was back in her crib, with a full stomach, changed diaper and deeply asleep. If she was right, she had four hours for herself before she awoke again. It was going to be a long time before she would see a solid night’s sleep.

Picking up the baby monitor, Felicity made her way past her bedroom and back into the livingroom. She didn’t want to sleep in the room she had once shared with Oliver, not tonight when the threat of tears and the body paralysing need to feel her husband next to her was so near the surface. Instead, she chose the couch facing the large picture window that overlooked the backyard.

Stripping her leggings and tshirt off, she reached for an old shirt of Oliver’s. She had left it draped over the back of his chair the day he left and put it on when the ghosts of their memories, the precious ones created in their short time together in the house, were crowding into her. She could feel every moment shared and the tears began to fall but she stared out the window and let her mind find the Universe.

She laid down and began to tell Oliver all the tiny things Mia had accomplished that day and the hopes she held for her in the days to come. It would be a ritual she would hold no matter the day or time and, for a few years, it would anchor her to the world. She hoped that some kind of technology existed for the Monitor to allow Oliver to hear her words, if not every night, then on those occasions they were near enough to this universe to hear her. If it didn’t exist, she was determined to create it.

Pulling the blanket tighter around her, she buried her face in it and inhaled his scent. Her tears, held at bay while she fed Mia, soaked it until exhausted sleep claimed her. She wondered if a night would come when she didn’t find escape from the unrelenting loss of Oliver through tears. Or if she would have to bury her heart and try to leave just enough light in her soul for her daughter to have.

“We chose each other,” she whispered to the night, her eyes slowly closing, “We chose each other and entered into this life together. A whole world opened up just for us and it is one we will find again.”

_She slipped effortlessly past the inky black veil of sleep. That first delicious deep breath her mind would take night after night. It never lasted long enough, always breaking into pieces of technocolour streams of code and the echo of Oliver’s voice calling for her somewhere out beyond where her mind could reach._

_This time, as she had done night after night since he left, she landed in a memory. She fell headlong into the night Oliver left with the Monitor. It was a night that she would remembered in detail for the rest of her life. Time slowed down. Every sound was amplified, colours flared into ultra bright hues. Nothing was at it seemed and yet, despite all her hopes to the contrary, it was the new reality she and Mia had to make work no matter what._

_She had collapsed to the floor in stages, gasping for air and trying not to cry out loud because she knew her sobs would echo through the trees and reach the stars, creating a lasting imprint on the cosmos. Felicity slowly re-entered her life when she heard the quiet crying of their daughter. She was most likely hungry or needing a change, but she needed her and that was all that mattered._

_In her dream, she watched herself move robotically to her daughter’s crib and pick her up. It always shocked her to see how glassy and unfocused her eyes were as she processed the loss of her husband. This was not the time to access the grief, it had to be set aside in order to care for Mia._

_The pain would come later. It would steamroll over her, breaking her apart one molecule at a time until all that held her together were the covalent bonds between them. Her heart turned to glass and shattered. It’s pieces flung out into the furthest corners of the Universe. Nothing felt real or substantial. Only her daughter, whose tiny coos and gurgling laugh strengthened the bonds holding her consciousness together. Mia, that perfect combination of both her and Oliver, was now the centre of her Universe._

_“You will know him. I promise,” she had whispered, not trusting her voice, “He will be alive in this house, now and forever.” She kissed Mia’s head as she held her._

_From the corner of her eye, she caught sight of something shimmering. A ripple in the air that steadily grew in size until it became more an object of curiosity than something to fear. This was new, she thought, it was like the ripple in time that accompanied the Monitor entering their Universe. She closed her eyes and waited for the inevitable._

_“He isn’t dead,” came a voice that sounded like water rushing over rock, both soothing and insistent. “He is doing what heroes do.”_   
_“Fight?” she asked without turning towards the source of the voice._   
_“Defend, unite and protect,” it corrected and then the shimmer pulled itself inwards and vanished with a tiny flash of light._

_She watched the way she had wandered through their home, touching every surface with hesitation, trying to find the one piece, the one item, that would flare into life and bring him home. But her home was simply a house. Not a magic portal, not a doorway to some other dimension or universe where Oliver could be found or summoned home._

_Watching the pain of knowing he was gone, possibly forever, sink onto her body felt surreal. It never changed. She sat in his chair, pulled his blanket around her and stared out the window. All the lights were on, candles were burning low in their holders, and dinner sat, cold and uneaten on the kitchen counter. Hours past as she stared, unseeing, at the mirrored reflection of the livingroom in the window facing the yard._

_Felicity reclaimed her body at the dream’s zenith. She walked back into the whirlwind of agony that she had been consumed by as she let the pain in. There was no moving forward if she sat in stasis so she had to feel the hollowness, the soul consuming grief, the weight of knowing Oliver was somewhere but nowhere all at once._

_Fireflies danced in the yard beyond the window. A soft breeze rustled the leaves high above her head and the night was full, bursting at the seams with the electric hum of insects, but it was also cocooned in silence. Felicity got to her feet and turned off all the lights in the house before she returned to the corner of the couch and waited for dawn._

_Tears poured down her cheeks as she thought about all the moments he would miss. Mia’s first words. Their second anniversary. Mia’s first steps. All the love and joy they could have shared, three hearts joined as one. But the house was filled with the hints of memories not yet born and her life lay in shambles at the Universe’s door._

_The house smelled like him, earthy and primal, and she could feel him like a warm embrace. She imagined that she could still taste his tears on her lips, feel his hands on her hair, and hear the ache of despair in his voice as he said his goodbyes. He was still there, in the shadows, in the very fabric of the home they had been creating._

_It would takes weeks before she close her eyes and not see the devastation, the regret and grief written across Oliver’s face. She tried over and over to close off that memory but it remained as enormous, fresh and real as the moment it happened. It dimmed the light inside her bit by bit. If not for Mia, she would have walked off the edge of the earth and sought the oblivion her soul craved every second of every day._

_Felicity desperately wanted to wake up. The dream was an open wound. It was one that wouldn’t heal until she could lay her eyes on Oliver once again._

_From the corner of her eye, she caught the shimmer in the air and waited to see if it would expand to engulf her or if it would simply be the conduit for the voice she sometimes heard in her darkest moments._

_“You know how to find him. You just need to decide when.”_   
_“How can you be so sure?” she asked, her voice barely an agonized whisper._   
_“He can hear you calling him. Find a way to listen.”_

_And the glimmer was gone. A pop of light and she was alone again._

Felicity opened her eyes. She had left the curtains open and, thanks to the lack of streetlights near her home, the sky was inky black and sprayed with stars. Mia was sound asleep so she had time now to think. If she were to survive the removal of half of her heart and soul, she needed a purpose beyond raising Mia, who was her priority, but she needed something for her and her alone.

Snuggling back down under the heavy wool blanket, Felicity let her mind drift, let it seek out the information it needed to start the process of recreation yet again. She had time to build up her company with Alena at the helm and decide how to be the person she had become hand in hand with Oliver.

She had decades to fill. The first couple would be focused on Mia but afterwards, that is where her imagination teetered and fell. Unless she could find the Monitor again and reunite with Oliver, her future was empty. Only echoes lived out beyond the horizon once Mia was able to take care of herself. Felicity could see nothing for herself, just a yawning emptiness that once held the promise of Oliver and their future. A future they could truly call their own.

Felicity knew her life’s work would have to be carefully hidden. The old team would have to remain as far away as humanly possible. Only John could know. No one else. She made her mind up that she would never see them again and needed to find her peace with that, which came surprisingly easily when she looked at her daughter. She was beginning to furrow her brow so much like how Oliver would when thinking through a strategy. It caused a pang in her heart but eventually it would be a welcomed reminder of him.

Looking up at the stars, Felicity murmured to her missing husband, speaking to his memory as though he were present with her in physical form, “I love you because I know you. You aren’t a mystery to me, Oliver, but you aren’t an open book either. You are a man. You are the only man I will ever love or need.”

In the days to come, those words would take on greater power. She would make a habit of saying them before falling asleep, her mantra, keeping him in the present as she tried to heal the cracks in her heart. One day, he would hear them. It was now part of her life’s purpose to make sure that came true.

 

**_The Day the Dinosaurs Died Cont'd_ **

_Oliver awoke in a room that was now cool. Felicity had been turning the heat down at night, proclaiming his body heat and hers combined was more than enough to keep their bed cozy and warm. She was only two months along but her body heat was slowly increasing to match his own. He was grateful for it as her feet were no longer two blocks of ice in the middle of the night. When she pressed them to his legs, they no longer awoke him with a start._

_No light was filtering past their heavy, chainmail lined curtains. It was still that strange time of night where he felt he should be out on patrol but the sun was only a couple of hours away from appearing over the eastern edge of the continent. They had fallen into bed almost immediately after getting home from the bunker. Exhausted and ready to seek sleep and not each other._

_Gently, he turned towards her. She was deeply asleep, her breathing deep and slow, her body still. He had noticed how her sleep pattern had changed. How, when she was in the deepest part of her sleep cycle, she was almost unnaturally still. Before becoming pregnant, there was always a small tic, a gentle rhythm, to her body. Felicity was a creature of motion. If not her body, then her mind. He was enjoying her newfound quiet and teased her gently in the tender moments first thing in the morning when they awoke._

_As if in response to his thoughts, she moved her head, triggering a burst of static electricity in her hair. For the briefest of moments, it was like she was surrounded by stars and it pulled him back into his dream. He had recently told her that love was too small a word for how he felt about her. Watching the electricity crackle through her hair, thinking of the web created by their intersecting lives, the deeper, underlying meaning of that confession deepened._

_She was his Universal Truth._

_Felicity stirred and reached for him, her hand inching slowly up his his arm. He smiled at her and resisted the urge to chuckle. They always awoke within minutes of one another._

_“You’re awake,” she murmured._   
_“How did you know?” he asked softly._   
_“The energy in the room changes. The wave lengths lengthen.”_   
_“Uh huh,” he chuckled._   
_“Don’t laugh,” she admonished, moving stealthily into his arms, “I know.”_   
_“I’m glad you do,” he whispered, kissing her on the forehead._   
_“What time is it?” she asked, stifling a yawn._

_Craning his neck, he was able to see the softly glowing screen of her phone. “It’s only 4 am.”_   
_“Did we really sleep for 6 hours?” she asked._   
_“We did. I think I could sleep for six more though,” he admitted with a yawn._   
_“Then why, my love, are you awake?”_   
_“I had a dream...a strange one,” he said carefully. He suddenly felt possessive of it, not wanting to share it just yet._

_Felicity must have sensed the sudden tension in his body and opted not to pry. Instead, she ran her hands over his abdomen, tracing his scars, new and old. Her fingertips felt hot against his cool skin._

_“I think we forgot something last night,” she mused softly, her lips next to mottled, healed skin that used to be a tattoo._   
_“What’s that?” he asked, distracted by the warm rush of her breath over his heart._   
_“Each other,” she said and he felt the hot tip of her tongue slowly circle his nipple and her hand traveled down his body, scratching the soft skin below his belly button._

_There were still hours to go before the sun came up and before they needed to actually get up. Sleepiness fled. The strange detail in his dream fled his mind. His entire focus was on Felicity, her hands, her mouth, her body. The pregnancy hadn’t diminished her sex drive, if anything it had made it more intense, laser focused on him, his body, desire and needs._

_“I think you found me,” he whispered._   
_“I always will,” she said softly, a hint of sadness filtering through her words._

_He fell silent and tried to not tell her everything would be ok, that they would survive together, no matter the cost. But he knew those words would be lies and he had vowed to never to do that to her ever again. Instead, he ran his hands over her body as she carefully straddled his hips. Her normal warmth, the silken heat he was so accustomed to, was different now, hotter, more intense. He felt energized and his cock slowly began to stiffen as she glided over it._

_“God, Felicity,” he gasped, “It’s like you are on fire.”_   
_“I feel like I am overheating all the time,” she murmured. Leaning down, she propped herself up and hovered above him, her face an inch away from his. “But right now, all I want is you.”_

_Oliver smiled as she kissed him. It was a greedy one, hot and full of lust and life. He pulled her tongue into his mouth and his mind stopped. The texture and feel of her lips and tongue was different. He couldn’t put his finger on it, but they were softer, smoother, fuller. She could stop him with a simple touch, but her kiss always felt like a gust of wind blowing through him, bringing a sense of calm. She claimed his heart daily with a mere press of her lips to his._

_Now her kiss was searing hot, branding him, claiming him for her own. Her hand rested above his heart and he felt the freedom that came from loving her. Above all else, she had lifted the sorrow from his world and shown him the way forward. Her first and most precious gift to him had been showing him that his life was one worth living._

_She rose up above him, the outline of her body glowed against the heavily curtained windows behind her. He reached for her as she glided down the length of his erect cock. Oliver gasped and gripped her thighs. There was a fullness, an extra tightness, to her body now. And the heat...the silky, wet heat that wrapped around him was almost unbearable._

_With her legs hooked up and over his thighs, she held him deep in her body, pinning him to the bed. She pulsed around him without needing to move her hips. His vision was grey and hazy as he waited, drifting between being vividly awake and lost somewhere between worlds. Stars exploded in the room as she began to move, gliding up and down the length of his cock._

_The intensity of it, the electric vibrancy of how her body was pulling him deeper into her, only heightened the sensual way it felt to be inside her. It was an erotic cycle and the longer it went on, the more lost he felt. His heart pushed at his chest but his mind felt shattered. He had promised her the truth, to never let her down by lying or hiding the truth from her ever again._

_As he ran his hands over her body, feeling the new lushness, the new fullness of her breasts and the slight rounding of her belly, he felt like weeping. He knew deep down that he was going to end up breaking her heart and robbing her of the joy of raising a family in safety, love and peace like she deserved._

_Felicity gripped his hands and squeezed hard around him. He was barely holding on when her orgasm rumbled and shook her body, their bed and the air around them. It brought him crashing back to the moment, to her body and love. Pulling her down, he kissed her hard, struggling to find the tenderness he usually displayed with her. Felicity responded to him with fervour before finding the softness, the gentleness, that only she could bring out in him._

_He felt surrounded by her, protected and safe._

_“I love you,” he gasped._   
_“I love you…,” she whispered against his lips, her body pulsing hot around his cock, “Forever and always.”_

_Staring into her eyes, Oliver let his body take control and lost himself to the universe inside her. His orgasm was prolonged, mind shatteringly intense and he loved her more in that moment then he ever thought humanly possible. She wasn’t just the love of his life, she was the only love his soul would ever know._

_Slowly, Felicity laid down beside him, her skin warm and slightly sticky were it was pressed up to his. He heard her sigh in contentment and felt the slow press of her chest against his side as her breathing evened out and she fell asleep once again._

_He could spend the rest of his life having her wake him up like this, that seductive seeking of the other’s skin. Oliver pushed away the memory of the deal he made with the Monitor and the pain that would bring. Some days it would catch him unaware and almost bring him to his knees in the knowledge of the grief it would lay at her feet._

_Underneath the guilt, the regret and the grim sense of fate that clung to the corners of his mind, he knew that in the end, after the battle was won or lost, he would finally feel the shackles of duty be cast off. That out beyond all the ideas of right and wrong, there would be a place of peace, a paradise of his own creation, where he would look back to find her, knowing he would meet her there._


	3. Searching the Darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Think of this as a 'table setting' chapter. In it, both Felicity and Oliver separately and together provide a brief snapshot into the past and the future. It is a way to establish how they got to where they ended up and a bit of a look at Oliver's time with his small family.
> 
> It is sad but not mired in grief. There is hope, humour and love (as always) but the events at the end of the season have not yet truly been felt. I apologize in advance lol
> 
> It's a small chapter but it gives answers and clues.

**Chapter 2**

Searching the Darkness

 _She rested her heart_  
_Knowing there would be time_  
 _to heal its shattered form._

 

She stood motionless in front of her computer and stared blankly at its dark monitor. Her tablet, dormant and uncharged, lay beside it. It had the look of something discarded, a purposeless piece of technology now reverted to its inert state with only dust coated fingerprints to show it was ever in use. She was gearing up the energy to plug everything in, to start her life over, cast out far from home with only her infant daughter to keep her from being completely alone.

She thought back to the night she had called Diggle to tell him that Oliver was gone. He had dropped everything he was doing, came to her home and he held her hand as she cried. With a father’s tender touch, he had taken care of Mia while she laid in her bed, inconsolable and clawing at the fabric of reality, needing her husband more than air. Oliver was gone. Maybe forever and she was left to keep their children safe in a world she was barely able to see.

Diggle had come to check on them both regularly, and if he couldn’t come, Lyla would come in his stead. She appreciated the company but slowly shut the rest of the world out, keeping who came and went to an absolute minimum. The last time Diggle had come, he had brought with him several pieces of tech and hardware from her storage area in the bunker. Pieces she needed for several ideas she had for Archer, and for a couple of other projects she was keeping well under wraps.

Diggle was the only family she had left and one night, she asked him to contact Nyssa for her. She wouldn’t tell him why, but she insisted it had to be soon. With a nod, he said he would. He hugged her tight, kissed sleeping Mia on the forehead and left her quiet home. She watched until he pulled out of the driveway before coming back inside, closing the door and setting the alarm, including the proximity sensors all along the perimeter of the property. She had placed them herself and they worked better than anything she had ever created in the past. It would sound the silent alarms in the house if a person crossed onto the property, Archer would then identify them and from there, the necessary defenses would go into effect.

Felicity had also firmly cut all ties with the old team. She and Oliver had made the decision before Mia had been born but now it felt like an act of self-preservation. She couldn’t have their old life intrude on this new one. The promise she had made to Oliver, to keep William and Mia safe, was one she intended to keep no matter the cost to herself. So to that end, none of them would ever know of Mia or where they lived.

Shaking her head to snap her back to the task at hand, Felicity finished hooking her computer up. She had outfitted the spare bedroom, one that would never be used for that second child she and Oliver had only just started to talk about, both smiling at the unspoken desire for a son named Lucas, as her office. Over time, and with workers carefully chosen by Diggle, she would wall that part of the house off, keeping it hidden from Mia’s prying eyes. It would be where she would retreat to in the middle of the night, when the ache of loneliness and longing would overwhelm her, in order to distract her mind away from memories of Oliver.

It would take years for that ache to subside but the damage left in its wake would dim the light in her eyes for decades. Felicity knew her daughter was only getting part of her heart, that without Oliver, she would always be wounded, missing a key, essential part of her soul. But she was determined to make sure Mia was happy and safe, now and until she was out in the world on her own, and then she would make a decision to either find a way to fully connect to the world or leave it altogether.

The one person from her old life that she was willing to make an exception for was Nyssa. She could ensure that her daughter had the chance to not only stay safe but to ensure the safety of those around her. When the assassin appeared, shortly after Mia had turned one, she had not immediately agreed to Felicity’s plan. She instead spoke to Felicity about healing her heart, not by hardening it, but by letting the pain of her loss burn itself out, allowing her to emerge from the ashes whole, complete, and a stronger version of herself.

It was tempting to give herself permission to feel the fire of righteous anger, the cold burn of heartbreak, and the smothering embrace of grief. Sometimes, late at night, she would open the door deep within her psyche and try, just for a minute, to let it come out. But it would instantly overwhelm her, pinning her to the bed or chair, and she could feel herself dissolving under the weight of the universe. Black waves of grief would wash over her, pulling her down further and further until all light was extinguished. It would take her days to recover, longer and longer each time, so she stopped allowing herself the opportunity to try.

The added, unspoken but deeply felt, guilt of being the one to survive was a jagged layer that she wore with the knowledge that no one else would understand why. Nyssa, in her sharp but caring way, tried to pull her through the worst of it by simply appearing to check on her without warning. She had slipped past Archer’s defenses once but it was enough to create a sense of competition between the two women. Nyssa would try to sneak up on the house, and Felicity would use her tech to foil her. Once was all she got. Felicity’s intellect had gone into overdrive and she created a whole new layer to the security system that made it possible for her to close off the property, making it invisible from all kinds of technical surveillance on the ground and in the air.

She had a feeling the League was watching from afar and it comforted her, even in her darkest hours. She had to laugh at that, feeling safe with the League of Assassins on constant guard when a few years ago, she wanted to wipe them off the face of the earth. It was this sense of familiarity that made Nyssa, with her unusual ties to her both her and Oliver, the perfect choice to help prepare their daughter for whatever may come.

Now, she sat down in front of her upgraded computer and began to plan and plot how to find Oliver. At the same time, she was keeping track of the steady downward turn Star City was taking as the Glades, who were rightfully feeling a sense of delayed vengeance from the devastation wrought upon them from the Undertaking and the failed attempt by Damien Darkh to create his twisted utopia, was beginning to rise in power and influence.

It was a curious thing to watch. Star City had all the necessary tools to prevent the insanity on its streets but simply refused to use them. The Glades, which had been overrun with gangs and violence, had taken those tools and put them to good use, leaving Star City to cannibalize itself over and over until only anarchy remained. Felicity would have normally felt the need to go back, to save the city from itself, but now she didn’t feel that same sense of urgency. One day she might return to the city and try to find a way to fix it but not now, not when she was a new mother alone in the figurative wilderness.

When Mia turned three, Nyssa began to train her. It wasn’t intensive, just light gymnastics to develop her coordination and joint flexibility. Strength and conditioning would come later, when she was a year or two older. But already Mia was showing that she was her father’s daughter. Felicity stood and watched her young daughter run and jump, with purpose and intent, from one pile of tires to another. Each time she landed, it was like watching a cat as it leapt and pounced, never once missing a step or falling. Her heart felt close to bursting with love and pride as Mia evaded capture by Nyssa, her warrior Godmother.

The trained assassin tried to hide it, but Felicity had caught her looking at Mia with affection and pride. When Mia called her ‘Aunty Nyssa’, she had to pinch herself to stop from laughing at the look of shock, fear, and unabashed love that had crossed her face in waves until she smiled at the little girl looking up at her with such innocent affection. It was the way it was said, and the sweet giggling of her daughter as Nyssa hugged her before leaving, that helped sweep away a tiny bit of the loneliness left in Oliver’s wake.

From that day forward, in the privacy of her own bunker, Felicity focused on building her company, honing its brand as she created and recreated tech to provide security for law enforcement and for private use. It was how she was able to remain off the grid, with Alena as her physical proxy, while Mia was young. It also allowed her to track anomalies across the country, strange occurrences that would have otherwise unnoticed by anyone not already familiar with the strangeness of the universe.

She hacked Star Labs and collected metadata on environmental anomalies once or twice a month. Cisco was never happy about it but there wasn’t a backdoor he could close and lock that she couldn’t bypass. After a few years, he stopped trying and instead opened a port she could connect to in order to find what she needed. It was a mea culpa on his part and she had sent him Big Belly Burger once a week as a way to say thank you.

When Mia turned one, she had found a way to bypass William’s grandparents and track him. She knew where he lived, what school he was attending and slowly started building a trust fund for when he graduated university. She was always ready to intercede should his life ever be in danger. He was growing up into such a smart young man, he would change the world with the proper support and she was ready to give it.

It broke her heart to not be able to say anything to him, to not tell him he had a half-sister, to not be part of his life. She convinced herself that being an unseen guardian angel was just as good, that she could make an impact on his life without being in it. Once he was old enough, she would give him the trust fund, propel him to financial independence and possibly help make it so he would never have to work a day in his life if so choose.

Neither of her children would ever have to want for anything. But to ensure that, she had to pull herself together, set her grief aside and work to build a world that could include safety, love and security. She compartmentalized the chaos inside her, fracturing the swirling emotions into tiny storms that raged in isolation deep within her. She simply locked them away and surged forward with her life, clinging to her promise to Oliver.

One night, as she was cleaning out a drawer in an old dresser that used to be Oliver’s, she found a small carved, wooden box. For the life of her, she couldn’t remember where it came from or even what would be in it. Picking it up, she turned it over in her hands, examined the abstract pattern carved into the lid, and heard something shift within. Her curiosity took over so she sat on the edge of her bed and carefully opened it. What she saw inside, took her breath away. The room began to spin around her as her memory reached out and pulled her back to a moment in time almost a decade past.

The box held a shell, nestled into dark green velvet. A small, delicate shell about the size of her thumb nail. She had picked it up out of the sand one day while they were in Bali. She had wandered down to the small beach below their villa in search of the warm ocean water. The infinity pool that came with their rental was nice but the water was sometimes too cool for her in the sultry, jungle heat. As she walked through the gentle waves at the shoreline, the shell had caught her attention in the soft white sand. It was a delicate pearly pink with iridescent blue hue that shimmered in the sun.

She had brought it back to the villa and Oliver had smiled as she showed him how it glowed in the shadows and shimmered in the light. Gently, he had taken it from her hands, placed it almost reverently on the table beside their large bed, all the while still listening to her as she quietly told him how she had dreamed of seeing the sea when she was a child. How the endless Nevada desert would turn blue in her mind and she would pretend it was the ocean, its salty spray playing underneath the arid blasts that blew through her neighbourhood.

Then he had slowly stripped her wet bikini off of her and tenderly made love to her until she was drenched in sweat, breathless and trembling under his touch. She could still feel his breath on her skin, the softness of his lips and tongue as they mapped his desire on her body. Even now, she could feel the journey of his hands over her and the moment when their hearts and bodies synced together in shared ecstasy.

Turning the shell over in her fingers, she saw the day play out in her mind and smiled through her tears, thinking about Oliver so carefully bringing this shell home and moving it with him from place to place. Even when they weren’t together, he kept it safe and close without ever once telling her or saying why.

Moving forward, on nights when the memories crowded too close and the voices in her mind grew too loud to drown out, she would take the box out of its space and hold the shell in her hand. Through it, she would talk to Oliver, telling him about his daughter, about the strides she was making in being able to reach the Monitor. She was determined to find him, to rejoin him no matter the place or time.

A large crash from another room snapped her back to attention. With a thoughtful sigh, she replaced the shell in its box, put it back in the drawer, and went to see what her daughter had broken. She could search the darkness for him later when her force of nature daughter was asleep for the night.

 

 

_The Day the Dinosaurs Died Con’t_

_Late one night, when Mia was deeply asleep and both he and Felicity were still up, he pulled her outside to sit under the stars. There had been a recent rise in temperatures, so it was still warm out despite the late hour. She brought a blanket with her just in case they stayed out too long and got cold. He just chuckled and shook his head but waited patiently for her to get what she needed._

_The sky above was clear and he had remembered that there was a meteor shower, possibly the best one for a decade. There was no nicer way to unwind from the day than by watching it, cuddled up on the lounge he built for them. He had discovered a love of working on small projects like that, the loving tasks of building for his family._

_“So what are we looking at?” she asked, finally comfortable sitting between his legs and leaning back against his chest._  
_“The sky,” he said quietly, enjoying the warmth of her body against his own._  
_“Be more specific, Mr. Queen.”_  
_“Just look up,” he laughed, giving her a gentle nudge._

_She did and fell silent. The night sky had revealed the Universe to them in detail. The Milky Way was alive above them. He heard her sharp intake of breath, followed by a soft sigh. Linking her hands with his, Felicity pulled his arms around her and nestled back into him._

_“How did you know?” she asked, her voice full of wonder._  
_“I do listen to you on occasion,” he teased._  
_“Once in a Blue moon...a Super Blue Moon,” she teased back, “that only happens when Mercury is in retrograde.”_  
_“I have no idea what that means,” he said, feigning innocence._  
_“Do you ever think about what the sky looked like before the moon formed 4.5 billion years ago?” she mused, pointedly ignoring his pretend ignorance._  
_“It would have been endlessly full of stars,” he said softly, tipping his head back to look up at the sky. The meteor shower had begun in earnest._  
_“I love it when you let yourself speak poetry,” she said quietly and brought his hands to her lips._  
_“Only for you,” he said with a soft chuckle._

_They had lain quietly and watched the sky as hundreds of meteorites burned up in the atmosphere above their heads. He had been brushing up on astronomy and the tiny details he knew her mind held onto. Late one night, when they had laid exhausted after a long sleepless night and longer day when Mia had gotten sick with a chest cold, she had rambled off details about the formation of the moon, the asteroid belt and the hope she held onto that one day they could send Mia to space camp. Her exhaustion and worry often lead to her talking them to sleep like that._

_He promised her that no matter what, they would find a way. If Mia took Felicity’s last name, it would keep her safer than if her name was Queen. They would find a way to provide her with as normal a childhood as possible. Felicity had moved to rest her head on his chest and slowly fell asleep listening to his heart beat. He looked down at her and felt a wild rush, a violent surge of love that had been steadily growing in intensity since Mia had entered the world._

_Closing his eyes, he focused on a single thought, an image, of Felicity, Mia and William, all of them together. It was the last wish he had, to unite his family, to start building that last elusive dream he had for them both as parents. Together, they could create anything. The foundation that she alone had built for their family was impervious and one he was honoured to contribute to in whatever capacity he could._

_“Oliver?” she asked quietly, pulling him back to her before he drifted too far._  
_“Hmmm?”_  
_“Where should we live for real?”_  
_“What do you mean ‘for real’?” he asked, curious as to what she was thinking._  
_“This is a safe house. Not a home. Not for real,” she said softly._  
_“John said we could stay here for as long as we wanted to,” he said, “Where would you want to live?”_  
_“I’m not sure…”_  
_“Felicity,” he said with a soft chuckle, “you wouldn’t be asking me this question if you weren’t sure.”_

_She laughed quietly, her eyes still glued to the sky above. But her face, in the cold night air, was calm, reflective. When Felicity was deep in thought, he simply waited until she was ready to speak because it was always worth hearing. He loved watching her think through issues in the field. The rapid way she could sort through variables and come up with a plan in the same amount of time it took most people to simply blink was what set her apart from the rest of humanity._

_But now, she was taking her time. Like she was searching for the right words to create something for him to see. Something from her heart. Out here, where their nearest neighbours were a quarter of a mile away, she was about to tell him something so private, so secret, that she was trying to hide it from the universe._

_“I would like to live somewhere where there are mountains and the ocean. Where one meets the other,” she said softly._  
_“In a house or cabin?” he asked._  
_“I was thinking we should make a cabin, with a few separate cabins nearby,” she mused thoughtfully, running her fingers over his in a gentle, rhythmic pattern, “You could have a space to workout, I could have an office, but all of it away from where we live.”_  
_“You and my salmon ladder,” he chided with good humour._  
_“I think you mean YOU and your salmon ladder.” she corrected with a small laugh._

_She fell silent once more and made him wait for the next thought._

_“How far away from the nearest town would we be?” he asked, gently prompting her to continue._  
_“Maybe an hour. Close but not too close. I think, after living so close to everything and everyone, the distance would do us good,” she answered._

_He was warming to her description. He liked the idea that they could keep the living part of their home free from the entanglements of their collective past. William could join them in safety, away from the dangerous elements that caused his grandparents to take him away, and he could finally meet his sister. It caused his heart to stutter just a fraction as he thought about the distance between them and the work it would take to regain their footing with each other when that time finally came._

_“What would the main cabin look like?” he asked, enjoying the warmth of her body against his._  
_“It would be longer than it would be wide. With windows facing the ocean, so we could hear the pounding of the waves on the shore,” she said, her voice both hopeful and sad. She was longing for a space that was theirs and theirs alone._  
_“How many floors?”_  
_“Two. No basement, we won’t need it because of the other cabins. Mia would have her own room on one side of the house...and WIlliam, too. They would be close to each other but not immediately next to one another,” she answered, her voice tender and wistful._

_Oliver was surprised at the details in her description. She had thought about this a lot, putting care into the dimensions and the way it would look and feel. With growing sadness, he wondered if it would happen with him still here._

_“What about our bedroom? How would we sleep?” he asked, closing his eyes so that he could envision the space. “Would it be an A frame cabin? Enough space to add on if needed?”_  
_“It could definitely be added onto. Our room would be on the other end of the cabin from the kids, a loft style bedroom,” she continued, “We’d have our own bathroom and maybe a sitting area in front of a huge window and gas fireplace. It would definitely be an A frame because of our bedroom...now that would be a thing of beauty. We would be able to lay back and look up at the sky, listen to the wind in the trees and the waves on the shore. The bed would be under two slanted windows...like a tent,” she said quietly._  
_“We could lay in bed and watch the day go by,” he said, seeing it all so clearly._  
_“And it would be all ours.”_

_Oliver could almost smell the salt spray from the surf, hear the wind through the trees and see the endless sky above. Theirs. It would be safe, secure and so unlike anything either of them had grown up with as kids, they could truly find the space to create something unique and perfect._

_He hoped, with all his heart, that he would have time to create it with her for their family and each other._

_“So what do you think?” she asked, turning around in his embrace, “Does that sound like somewhere you’d want to live?”_  
_“I’d live anywhere with you,” he said softly, smoothing her hair off of her face, “but that sounds perfect.”_  
_“You’d live in a cabin on the Oregon coast?” she asked, dubious and amused._  
_“I would. I think Mia would love it and William, too.”_

 _Felicity studied him for a moment and smiled. “I love you,” she said softly._  
_“I love you, too,” he said, smiling despite the pang of sadness that lurked deep in his heart._  
_“Should we start looking?” she asked, perching her chin on his chest._  
_“Something tells me that you have it already picked out.”_  
_“Can I show you?” she smiled slyly, her eyes twinkling in the starlight._  
_“Let’s watch the rest of the show,” he said, “the height of the shower is coming up.”_  
_“You really did do your research!” she teased as she turned back around so she could stare up at the sky._  
_“Impressed?” he asked._  
_“Always,” she said softly, and kissed his hands, each in turn. Her breath crackled like electricity across his skin._

_He wasn’t a religious man, his parents only took him and Thea to church on Christmas Eve and the occasional Easter Sunday. He had no real concept of the structure of religion or faith. Its architecture was something that eluded him. It held little that kept his attention. He never quite understood the intensity of belief it inspired in others. Not even Raisa could entice him to attend Mass with her and her family._

_Being saved or confessing his various sins just wasn’t something that interested him. IF he was in need of saving, he felt that he would have to do it himself. The intricacies of faith and service, each bound inextricably to the other, were limiting in his view. It prevented truly connecting to the world around him, to the people who enter your life and taking responsibility for the choices you make or the harm you bring because of them._

_Meeting Felicity had made him reconsider all that he previously believed. She had opened up parts of his heart and mind that had been sectioned off for decades. She had pried him apart, piece by piece, patiently waiting for him to breathe life into his broken parts. With her presence in his world, he had changed on a cellular level. His heart had shifted, changing him forever._

_It was her he worshipped. With his body, heart, mind and soul. She was the centre of his Universe. When he watched Mia enter the world, the cosmos had stood still and he had held his breath, waiting for her first cry. His heart had burst with joy when she did. It was a kind of happiness he never even knew existed. He held onto every minute, every memory in his mind and he owed it all to Felicity._

_Before the anxiety of the future pushed the joy of the present out of the way, Oliver took a deep breath and let his heart and mind reclaim the calm of the moment. Felicity was completely relaxed against his chest, only her hands were moving slowly over his own. The skin to skin contact was enough to clear his mind._

_He knew he would have to tell her about the deal he made, about the reality that their time together was limited, but not tonight. The sky was alive and woman in his arms had filled his world with hope and love. Tenderly, he kissed the top of her head and then welcomed her kiss when she turned around and pushed herself up, seeking his lips._

_The night faded away as they laughed and found the time to connect not as a mom and dad but as two people deeply in love with one another. Mia was showing no sign of waking up anytime soon and the heat in Felicity’s eyes was all the invitation he needed to pick her up and carry her inside. There would be time for the truth tomorrow. For now, under the watchful eye of the Universe, he was content to lose himself to the gentleness of her touch and the force of nature that was the way she loved him._


	4. Everyone Has A Story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Once again, I am moving backwards and forwards in time, moving Felicity and Oliver through time and memory. Felicity is taking us step by step through the years after Oliver left her and Mia alone and Oliver is taking us through the quiet months that he had with Felicity and their daughter.
> 
> There is some sexy bits here, where they connect as two people in love, but the threat of what's to come hangs over every word and touch. 
> 
> There is a visit from an Endless character who will become more important the further Felicity's story goes. So I guess this is an AU of sorts lol

**Chapter 3**

**Everybody Has A Story**

_She closed her eyes_   
_and dreamed of a time_   
_when her life was full._

Mia had just turned six and developed a nasty cold that a week prior that was lingering as a cough, a tickle in her throat, but it kept her awake longer than usual. It was after 10pm by the time she finally fell asleep, murmuring about hating the taste of the cough medicine Felicity had given her to help her rest. Despite that, she was sure that sometime during the night, a tiny, feverish little body would crawl into bed beside her and she would tell her sick child stories about her father to lull her to sleep. Mia had her favourite stories but the one she loved best was when Felicity had put on Ray’s supersuit and flew out over the city to save Oliver from falling to his death. But she needed to get some work done first in the lair she built to build her business and find her missing husband as she only had so many child free hours a day.

There were so many good stories she could share about the hero that Oliver had been, who he still was somewhere in the universe. She wanted her daughter to know she was loved from the moment they knew she had been created. That her father named her and gave up his place in this world to keep her safe. So every night, she read her a story and then talked to her about her dad. Mia would never remember the few precious months they had together as a family but Felicity was determined to keep Oliver alive in her heart.

It was one of the reasons why she had brought Nyssa into their lives. She could teach her to shoot a bow and arrow, to fight with a sword, to be a warrior in life that her father had been. She would know how to fight, how to protect, how be her father’s daughter even without his guiding hand. Mia asked questions about him all the time and, no matter the hurt it brought her to dive into her memories of Oliver, she answered each and every single one.

After a time, she closed up the part of her heart that belonged only to Oliver. She viewed it as a walled garden. The love and connection to him remained alive, healthy and thriving but was accessible only by her for her. Sharing that deep, intimate relationship became impossible over time. So she hoarded it, nurtured it, and would only let herself enter its grounds when she was alone.

At first, she felt guilty for not taking Mia into that world with her but the memories were not those of his heroics and superhuman abilities. They were the private ones tied to his body, heart and mind. Snippets of memories from Bali, Aruba, Thailand and Positano. Dancing under the full moon, midnight swims, and days lounging under the hot, South Asian sun.

But it was the quiet, loving things he said to her that she held onto the hardest and closest to her heart. He had a surprisingly poetic way of speaking to her in the delicate, intimate moments they shared. She would close her eyes and search for the sound of his voice as he spoke the truth of his heart and how he felt about her. The words would wrap themselves around her, the weight of them would comfort her, like being wrapped in a wool blanket. On cold, dark winter nights, she would retreat behind the walls of that inner garden and fall asleep in its warm embrace.

With a contented sigh, she pulled Mia’s door closed just a bit and made her way to the kitchen. A hot cup of tea and a tiny cheesecake she had hidden away for just this moment. The combination would give her the energy to get through the next couple of hours. She knew she should have felt bad but she wanted to eat alone. It was a strawberry and chocolate covered delight that reminded her of a special treat Oliver had once made for her.

The bakery had made her four mini cakes, each one delicately decorated with chocolate covered strawberries. She would share one with Mia tomorrow when hopefully she would be feeling better. Taking one on a plate that Oliver had picked up for her in a local antique store because of the tiny yellow daffodils painted around the border, she made her way to the bookcase, touched the electronic picture of Oliver, herself and Mia, and waited for the wall panel to her right to silently open up. He never explained the reasoning behind the daffodil plate, he would just shrug and smile, remaining silent no matter how persuasive she tried to be.

Just as quietly, she slipped past the wall panel and into a room as different from the rest of the house as metas were from non-meta humans. It was built to be anti-static, with a temperature set at a perfect 68F with LED lighting behind glass designed to remain dust free. The room wasn’t sterile but it was close. In hidden wall panels were samples of tech that she was building for Archer and for her continued hunt for Oliver through time and space.

The piece of weaponry that she had used to capture the Monitor so many years ago had been rendered powerless but she was slowly redesigning it to be more powerful, more accurate and more durable than its original state. It would take her another year at least, but when it was ready, she would put it to use. If she only found the Monitor, at least she could find out where Oliver was, how he was doing and when he could come home.

She knew he was still alive. If had died, she would have felt it. It would have been like half of her heart dying within her. His death would hurt, it would scrape her raw, ripping off the scar tissue that surrounded her. It would leave her inconsolable, destroyed and dangerously unmoored. Felicity hoped that she could remain present and available for Mia’s sake should the time ever come.

Pushing those thoughts away, Felicity sat down at her computer and paused as she looked at the screensavers on the dual monitors. On one was Oliver in his Green Arrow suit and on the other was a picture of her and William, the same one she sent to Slabside with him when he left. She had thought he would be gone forever but due to her tenacity, and his ability to survive no matter the circumstances, they had both fought their way through hell and back to one another.

This was no different. He was further away, but they would fight to the bitter end to find one another. It had been coded into their DNA long before they met, not to rescue each other, but that they were their strongest selves together. There were nights when she could feel him reaching out for her, hear him calling her name. She would wake up in a sweat, her arms stretched out in front of her, waiting for him.

Taking a bite from her cheesecake, she moved her mouse and woke her system up. The screen that came up was a daydream. She had forgotten that she had gone back to the plans for the cabin she wanted to build when Oliver returned. Tea and dessert forgotten, she stared at the interior she was working on and fought back the rise of anguish that still had the power to drop her to her knees.

Distantly, she heard Mia cough. It snapped her back to attention and she focused on her daughter. The coughing didn’t last more than a few seconds and then there was silence in the house again. With a quick click of her mouse, the house plans disappeared and a complicated series of schematics replaced it. She was close to creating a new kind of handcuffs that could self adjust as well as administering a small electric charge that was designed to disrupt the functions in the arms of whomever was wearing them.

It wasn’t a spectacular creation but it relied on the kind of battery that let her walk and they would never need charging. She was proud of the design and that because of the complicated way she was programming them, they could never be tampered with. She didn’t trust police departments, not after the pain and trauma the Star City Police Department had put her and Oliver through, so keeping the handcuffs tamper proof was her way of saying so.

An hour of coding went by in a blink of an eye but she was sure that the algorithm she had created was the one that would work. She hit send on the email to Alena and sat back feeling victorious. Star City was spiraling out of control and she was feeling more and more like she needed to help. Smoak Tech could provide it, safely and carefully.

Mia hadn’t coughed in a long time. Felicity had dug out the old baby monitors they had used when she was a newborn and had set one up in Mia’s room so she could hear her at night when her cough was at its worst. Only light snoring could be heard through the tiny speakers. If all went well, she would sleep straight through to morning.

Yawning, Felicity stretched and contemplated going to bed herself. She was exhausted after a week of a very cranky kid but she glanced over at a wall panel that hid the contents of the device used to stop the Monitor when Oliver was not Oliver but instead trapped in Barry’s body. It had been a confusing time but when Oliver spoke to her, she knew in her heart, it was him. It was how he spoke to her, the tenderness of the words, the gentleness in his eyes and the love that wrapped itself around her.

Sleep could wait.

“Time to see if I can get this thing to understand what a spatial anomaly is and how to make it bigger,” she said to herself, “or at least not self destruct in an act of self preservation.”

Carefully, she set up the device, removed the component she needed, connected it to her computer and began to work. When her fingers touched her keyboard, it was like entering a slipstream. She went with the current, trying to find the right wave length, letting her fingers wander over the keys, creating magic in their wake.

As she coded what she thought was the right symphony of algorithms, she thought about the potential the universe had robbed this reality of. Oliver was just beginning to tap into what made him unique, special, and so very important to their reality. He finally had the time to dive into himself and discover who he was meant to be. He was a force of nature when his demons weren’t clawing at him, creating self doubt and anxiety. When he wasn’t in turmoil or emotionally compromised, he was a blazing, bright light, shining only good into the world.

Squinting her eyes, Felicity studied the screen in front of her and, after a moment’s hesitation, she nodded and hit ‘run’ on the simulation she had built. On the wall behind her computer screens, a screen appeared and the component kicked into life. What she was a series of waves, each one carrying different pieces of information. They were pieces of a larger puzzle that was meant to breach the laws of physics and let her touch the raw power of creation.

A soft whimper and mournful cry drifted into her bunker. Mia, though half asleep, was coughing and calling for her. With a simple touch, Felicity powered down her station, turned off the lights and went to tend to her recovering daughter. Nyssa was due to return in the following week and she wanted to be healthy more than she needed it. She was beginning to learn how to shoot her bow and had developed a true love for it.

Soothing her daughter’s brow, and helping her have a drink of water to ease her dry throat, she told her the story of how Oliver could swing down from trees to rescue her from landmines and how he was fearless even when facing more than one opponent. About his heroism and dedication to saving everyone, no matter the cost.

Finally calm, Mia slipped back to a deep, dreamless sleep. Noticing the time, Felicity tucked in her ailing daughter and made her way to her room. Sleep was a commodity she couldn't afford to waste with an incredibly active child and business to run. Slipping out of her leggings and sweater and into one of Oliver’s old shirts, she got ready for bed.

In all the years of living in the former safe house, she had yet to change beds. It was a small bed for two people but she and Oliver hadn’t minded. They had a tendency to sleep as close to the other as possible so a smaller than queen sized bed wasn’t a problem. Larger beds made her feel like she was lost in a sea of linen and down. At least here she could connect to those private, intimate memories shared by two people who lived as one.

She faded to sleep thinking about the days to come and if her experiment would work.

_She awoke in a memory._

_It was the night before Oliver told her a truth that shattered her heart, upended her world and broke her apart one tiny piece at a time. She tread carefully around that memory, not wanting to wake it up or give it life in her subconscious. It was equally as painful as the day he left._

_But not this one. Mia had gone down without a fuss, meaning they had at least six hours to themselves before she awoke hungry and howling for her mother. It was late so, like any new parents they had collapsed into bed, clothes still on. The last thing she remembered was Oliver looking at her, his eyes shining as he smiled._

_What woke her up wasn’t Mia crying to be fed or changed. Nor was it Oliver shifting in the small bed. This time she awoke with an idea. One for her developing company, possibly the best idea she had ever had. Her heart raced just a little bit and her skin prickled in anticipation as she pieced through the layers and components. She could change the world if she put her mind to it but she could also aid in the rescuing of Star city if they needed it._

_She tried closing her eyes and falling back asleep but the persistent hum of ideas kept her awake. Getting up was out of the question as Oliver had fallen asleep with his hand on her hip. She knew from experience that even the simplest of moves would rouse him from his slumber. So she had to content herself with laying in bed, waiting for Mia to wake up or the sun to rise._

_“You can get up if you need to,” Oliver mumbled, his voice thick and heavy with sleep._   
_“How? How did you even know I was awake?” she asked, incredulous at her husband’s preternatural ability to know her circadian rhythms._   
_“Your body changes. It feels like electricity humming up my arm,” he said quietly._   
_“I really want to go back to sleep,” she said with a tinge of regret in her voice. She was tired but when an idea hit, she dove into it._   
_“You need some rest, love, but I know you,” he said with a soft chuckle._

_Felicity studied her husband’s face. He hadn’t yet opened his eyes and for that she was grateful. It gave her the chance to look at him, to see him, and how the past three months had erased years of trauma, leaving him looking not younger but more at peace. Even with the sleepless nights and endless hours comforting a growing baby, he looked happier than she could ever remember seeing him._

_Smiling, she closed her eyes and drifted off, hoping to join him in the grey space between sleep and dream._

_When next she opened her eyes, it was light out and the side of the bed Oliver slept in was cold and unslept in. She had to remind herself that he was gone. It took her almost a year to wake up hoping he might have returned. Somewhere along the line, she started to lose hope. It was only after reading the Wizard of Oz to Mia for the first time when she was around two years old that she felt the spark of hope rekindle deep inside her heart. It would take time for that spark to become a flame so she nurtured it by reminding herself that the Universe was a very big place and time was endless._

_As she moved to get out of bed, the scene changed and she was playing hide and seek with Mia out in the backyard. She could hear the tinkling laugh of her small daughter as she tried to cover her mouth. She was hiding in plain sight, trying to copy Nyssa’s stillness but failing in the most adorable of ways._

_She blinked and the scene shifted to her silent remembrance of what would have been her and Oliver’s 10th Anniversary. She tried to stem her tears, to find only happy memories to cling to but the gaping wound of his loss burst its poorly healed seams and she was awash in grief. She had kept herself busy during the day with Mia but in the end, the weight of the night was hers to bear all alone._

_Turning away, trying to hide from the memory of that night, she walked into a hazy, dimly lit outdoor bar. It was late into the night during their trip to Bali and they had found it on an evening drive around the small island they were on. It was right beside the ocean, nestled between two towering cliffs. There had only been two other couples at the bar, drinking tropical cocktails and talking quietly to each other. Each in their own small, intimate world._

_Oliver had pulled her onto the dimly lit dance floor and held her close as they swayed to the soft music playing over the staticy speakers. It had been hot and there was little to no breeze coming in from over the ocean but they didn’t care. She ran her hand over his neck, feeling the sweat that ran down from his hairline, and waited for his kiss, both salty and sweet._

_Sultry. That was how she remembered that night. They had barely made it back to the villa before their clothes were off and they made love on the settee next to the pool. It had been intense, erotic beyond words and yet tender despite the ferocity of how much they wanted each other. She remembered the way his skin tasted under her tongue and the endless ways he brought her to ecstasy._

_She had surrendered to him completely that night, handing herself over body and soul. They cooled down in the pool but those moments never lasted long. They lost themselves to the rhythms of their bodies until they were satiated and exhausted. The moon was high in the sky when they finally collapsed and slept until dawn under a thin blanket in the outdoor bedroom adjacent to the pool. The cool morning breeze woke them up and pushed them back inside._

_Felicity closed her eyes and felt the jungle heat, remembering how the world had faded away, becoming background noise, a distant hum. All of their memories from that time were private. They had sometimes laid in bed and talked about going back one day, when their kids were grown. She had seen the flickers of sadness in his eyes and thought, at the time, that it was because of the memories that followed their return to the states. The lies and betrayal. Havenrock._

_Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a shimmer, like the very air was moving. This time she moved to face it, so look into whatever was happening with her very own eyes, and what she saw astonished her. It was like looking through a tear in the fabric of reality._

_She could see stars and distant nebulas, one she was sure she recognized but in her awe had forgotten its name. The temptation to reach in, to dive in, was overwhelming but before she could a voice from somewhere on the other side began to speak._

_“You’ve almost found a way here,” it said._   
_“Who are you?” she asked. The voice was distorted by the open portal, rendered almost unrecognizable._   
_“I am with Oliver,” the voice said, providing the only clue she needed, “and a being more powerful than I is providing this brief moment to speak.”_   
_“Can I see him?” she asked quickly, searching the event horizon in front of her._   
_“Not yet, you are close but still a universe removed. Keep working on your device, you are close.”_   
_“How is it I can hear you now?” she asked, trying to prolong the contact with the other side of a universe that might be the one she was in now._   
_“A being far more powerful than myself has opened a door for us but at great cost to myself. Now go. Find your way here.”_

_Before she could ask how Oliver was, where he was, there was a soft glimmer as a black velvet cloaked arm pulled the portal shut. The Monitor was gone. Oliver was gone. A wail started to build deep in her chest, she could feel it pushing her apart, ripping open the still fresh wounds that stitched her heart together._

_She opened her mouth and wailed._

Felicity opened her eyes and sat up in panic. The anguished wail in her dream had remained there, locked deep inside, she could feel it swirling through her body. But she was relieved that somehow she made herself wake up before the agony she carried with her, day in and day out, found a way to escape her body. She never wanted Mia to know how much she continued to hurt from the loss of Oliver. The only thing she wanted her daughter to know was that she loved her father and that he was never far from her heart or thoughts.

The dream had given her information. She was close. Maybe closer to reaching the Monitor or Oliver than ever before. There were still components she needed but finding the materials would take time to build, refine and include in the device. She had years to make it before she could use it for its intended purpose but if she could find a way just to speak to him, she would use it immediately.

Until then, she needed to get some sleep. She had promised Mia a walk through a field of wildflowers she had discovered quite by accident the year before. It should be in full bloom and full of faeries, according to Mia, and Felicity was going to weave garlands for her, string them through their hair while her daughter left sweet treats under the hollyhocks. Felicity smiled as she drifted off back to sleep, thinking that the cheesecake was the perfect gift but she doubted much would be left by the end of the day.

 

_The Day the Dinosaurs Died, Pt. 3_

_Oliver was sitting on the steps of the back deck, drinking his first coffee of the day, when he felt a subtle rippling in the air around him. Something was coming and it meant his time there would be cut far too short. He glanced down at his sleeping daughter, she was nestled against his chest, and felt a surge of love so wild and intense it knocked the breath from his lungs._

_He would have to leave this beautiful child and Felicity, the truest love he would ever know, and give his life over to save the universe. But he couldn’t do it before telling her. The signs were there, all around him, that the Monitor was coming._

_“Hey,” came a quiet voice from behind him, “Is she still asleep?”_   
_“Yup,” he said quietly, welcoming Felicity with a soft kiss as she sat down beside him, “I think she might sleep for another hour or so.”_   
_“Who knew being so tiny was such hard work,” she said with a soft smile. With a delicate finger, she traced Mia’s cheek and touched her small, button nose. “She is so beautiful.”_   
_“Just like you,” he said, nudging her gently with his shoulder. He smiled as a delicate blush coloured her cheeks. All this time together and he could still cause this shy reaction from her._   
_“What’s for dinner tonight?” she asked, directing his attention away from her._   
_“Good question. I was going to head off to the market in a bit. Any requests?”_   
_“Hmm...something Italian.”_   
_“You got it,” he said, already constructing a menu in his head._

_Felicity laid her head on his shoulder and sighed, content and happy just to sit on the back porch to watch the leaves fall from the trees. Everyday was an adventure now with Mia. They took such joy in showing her something new, even if she couldn’t understand what it was just yet, or just watching her to find something new in her gestures or features. So far she looked like a perfect mix of them both but Oliver was sure he saw more of Felicity in the set of her brow when she was trying to figure something out or the way her nose wrinkled when she laughed._

_He committed everything to memory, replaying the days over and over until he could recall at will a single moment of any given day. They would be the memories that would keep him alive in the long days to come when he was elsewhere. He would steal glances at Felicity when she was holding Mia, gently rocking her to sleep, or singing softly to her as she breastfed her in their sun filled bedroom._

_She had been so nervous of getting things wrong, of making simple mistakes that would only compound over time. But she was a natural, a guide for him as he sought his footing as a father. Being present for the birth had changed his life and how he saw his wife. He knew she was strong, stronger than any of the masked heroes he had fought alongside with, but watching her give birth to their daughter made her the only superhero in his life who mattered, one who could defeat anyone who challenged them without him to help her._

_Mia stirred against his chest, the beginnings of a hunger fueled cry building in her tiny body, and that signalled the official start of their day. Felicity carefully took Mia from him, smiling at their daughter’s red faced squalls and took her into the house. She liked to feed her in one of the overstuffed chairs in livingroom in the mornings. The view out of the large window was calming for them both._

_Oliver followed her in after a few minutes and quietly put on his coat, picked up his keys and signalled to Felicity that he was on his way out to the store. She pointed at the fridge and the long list she had put up on it, blew him a kiss and then focused on Mia, making sure she was latched onto her breast properly. He stopped in the doorway behind them and watched for a moment, committing the scene to memory before leaving for what looked like a longer trip than he had planned._

_Felicity always added small items or side trips to every venture into town they took, either separately or together. She said it was to prevent them from being isolated out at the end of long, winding country lane where the safe house was located. But he knew it was mainly to prevent him from hiding from humanity. She worried about his mental health on a daily basis and would often force him to go into the random stores up and down mainstreet in search of a potential family heirloom or childhood treasure for Mia._

_This time she was in search of a rattle for their daughter that wasn’t a gaudy pink. Oliver smiled and shook his head, it was a random request but one he would take seriously just for her. The groceries would wait as he slowly walked the short main drag, stopping to look in store front windows and marveling at the vast amount of Mom & Pop stores that still remained open despite the big box mall ten miles up the road._

_He avoided that place at all costs, preferring the laid back environment of their new home town. Even the grocery store, though smaller than what he was used to, held delicatessen and gourmet delights that he never would have found in the larger, national chain store in the mall. They baked their own bread, butchered their own meat and had seasonal produce, including locally sourced fruits and vegetables. It was a chef’s paradise._

_There were two antique stores, side by side, each with their own areas of expertise, that he had to walk past on his way to the children’s toy store, another of the small miracles in town. They had checked them out a few times, when in search of small items to furnish their home, but he never really stopped to look at the storefront windows. They had always held the more delicate items, fine bone china, old pottery and gold jewelry. But a flash of colour caught her attention and stopped him dead in his tracks._

_With a simple glance at the window display, he was transported into a dream he had shortly before Mia was born. In it, he was walking through a forest full of tall, wide redwood trees which were in turn surrounded by tall ferns. A soft, light grey mist hugged the ground and soft bird calls echoed off of the trees. A cool, fragrant breeze swirled the misty air in front of him, showing him the path under his feet._

_He blinked and was in a clearing, the forest at his back and nothing but the wide open prairie in front of him. The mist was gone, replaced by a riot of colour both above his head and below his feet. The sky was a brilliant blue, dotted with high, white, cumulus clouds but it was the meadow that caused him to stop and stare._

_Wildflowers mixed with flowers he was used to buying in shops. Lavender, delphiniums of all colours, roses, daisies, chrysanthemums, peonies, carnations, baby’s breath, forget-me-nots, lupine and geraniums carpeted the meadow. Tall prairie grass framed the entire area, not encroaching on the flowers but instead acting as a barrier to the strong winds what he knew must blow across it._

_“Over here!” called a voice he instantly recognized. It was one full of light and life and had lead him out of the wilderness more times than he could count. Instinctively, he turned towards the direction of the voice and saw Felicity, heavily pregnant and dressed in a gauzy white dress that billowed gently in the breeze, standing next to a small stream, surrounded by a thick carpet of white, pink and yellow tulips._

_The sun low, just above the horizon, behind her. The light moved like water through the flowers, causing them to glow, illuminating her from below. She looked ethereal, angelic, and appeared to float just an inch above the flowers. In her hands was a huge bouquet of yellow tulips and she was weaving them into a garland to wear like a crown on her head._

_It was as though the tip of the moon had fallen away and landed, full of celestial light, threading itself through her hair. She was a vision of white and yellow. A true earth goddess who beckoned him to come closer to her with just the energy she was putting into the universe. His dream fell silent except for the soft beating of three hearts united in one rhythm._

_With a shake of his head, Oliver snapped himself back to reality and stared at the object that had pulled that memory so sharply into focus. A small china plate, like the ones his mother had insisted be used for desserts back when they held formal dinners in the mansion, but this one wasn’t painted in gold leaf. It was ringed with a garland of yellow tulips._

_It was a single plate, not part of a set, so he bought it, planning a simple surprise for her. Nothing special, just a dessert he knew she would appreciate and devour. All of a sudden, all he wanted was to be back at home with his family. He checked his watch and saw he had already been away from them for an hour and had yet to find the requested rattle and finish the grocery shopping for the week._

_Oliver picked up his pace and managed to complete the list in under an hour. Felicity was asleep on the couch and Mia was in her crib, quietly cooing, watching the mobile above her head. It was like she knew her mom needed to rest and was giving her that time to recharge. The baby monitor was on, so Felicity would hear Mia should she start to cry._

_As quietly and carefully as he could, he put away the groceries, set out the ingredients for dinner and hid the plate he found in the antique store up on a top shelf. Felicity generally left the kitchen alone but he wanted to be sure she wouldn’t accidentally find it. The bakery made very good desserts but Oliver wanted to try his hand at making one himself._

_It was going to be a rich, decadent chocolate and strawberry cheesecake. Three of her favourite things. He had the cakes in the oven and lunch laid out on the counter before stirred. The smell of baking was better than an alarm clock where his wife was concerned._

_“Hmmm...whatchamaking?” she mumbled, sitting up and stretching out the kinks in her back and neck._   
_“Something for dinner. Come on, lunch is ready,” he called softly, “Mia’s awake, I think, so you eat and I’ll go and check on her.”_   
_“You are my hero,” she yawned, her voice still thick with sleep._

_Oliver watched her stand up and stretch again, her shirt riding up over her hips, exposing her midriff. She was self conscious about her body now, still unsure about the stretchmarks and skin that was still a little loose as it reclaimed its elasticity. It had created a reluctance in her to initiate intimacy between them. But she was beyond beautiful in his eyes still. No mark on her skin would ever change that or diminish the desire that was gaining intensity in his blood. Mia was seven weeks old now but he wasn’t about to coerce Felicity into sex if she wasn’t ready._

_“I am starving,” she stated as she crossed over to the counter, “What did you get?”_   
_“Kale salad for me, turkey sub for you,” he pointed at the plates and left to get Mia from her room. Felicity’s laugh followed him out. He didn’t need to point but she knew he did so to make a point - that they should both be having the kale despite it being her most hated of foods._

_The rest of the day went by in a blink of an eye. Between their afternoon walk, feeding, changing, soothing and playing with Mia, as well as the random naps they all took regardless of the hour, it was dinner time before he knew it._

_He made the pasta from scratch, and the sauce, while Felicity set the table. Mia was still awake, watched them from her baby bouncer seat, blowing bubbles and talking to them in her tiny voice. He loved to listen to her coos and chirps and answered her as though she were actually speaking to him. He wanted her to know his voice while there was still time._

_“So what is for dessert?” Felicity asked slyly as she watched him cook._   
_“Can you not let me surprise you?” he laughed._   
_“It smells sooooo good!” she exclaimed._

_Oliver smiled and leaned across the counter to kiss her. She smelled earthy now. Mia had changed the chemistry of her body and her natural scent was now different but still powerful. Everything about her was supercharged, including the way her hair was growing. In the seven weeks since Mia’s birth, he was positive her hair had grown close to ten inches. She insisted it hadn’t but it flowed over her shoulders and halfway down her back, swaying as she moved._

_Mia started to kick up a fuss, signalling her own growing hunger. Felicity took her to the livingroom and curled up in the big easy chair by the window to feed her. It gave him time to plate their desserts, hers on the special plate, and put them back in the fridge to keep cool. The kitchen was warm now that dinner was cooking but more importantly, the plate needed to kept secret._

_“I think our daughter wasn’t so much hungry as just lonely and wanting mommy’s attention,” Felicity said with a soft chuckle._

_Oliver made his way to where she was sitting and heard Mia’s quiet little laugh, something she was just starting to do and it captivated them both to sit and listen to her and trying to make her laugh. It was another thing he collected to remember for when he was no longer with his family. He tried to hold onto some hope that he would see them again, but he knew from past experience that he should not hold on too tightly._

_“She’s been awake for hours,” he said, sliding in beside her so he could watch Mia figure out how to smile and laugh at the same time._   
_“I know but she seems determined to be awake,” Felicity sighed._   
_“Come on, put her in her bounce chair and bring her to the table. She can watch the candle flames like she likes to,” he said, reluctant to move from the chair. He was enjoying the warmth and softness of her body pressed against his._   
_“It will definitely put her to sleep but I kinda enjoy her awake,” she said, guiltily._   
_“Me, too,” he whispered._

_She laughed at his admission and got up from the warm confines of the chair. Dinner was ready and if their daughter wasn’t hungry, they certainly were. He served the spaghetti with fresh made tomato and basil sauce, garlic bread and sparkling water. Wine was a long way off for them as Felicity was trying to breastfeed as long as possible._

_“This looks amazing, Oliver, thank you,” she said, a sultry tenderness in her voice._   
_“You made a human, the least I can do is make dinner,” he replied. His cheeks felt hot and he hoped she couldn’t see the flush rising up his neck and face._

_All she did was smile and gratefully began to eat the spaghetti. They talked about possibly going on a trip across the border to Canada for a weekend with Mia. She was old enough to travel and they needed a change of scenery for just a few days. ARGUS had passports made for them under new names so they could go without fear of being tracked._

_It was so easy to slip into this quiet, reflective domestic mode with her. She told him about the work she was doing in her free minutes. It was their only source of income at the moment and she was well underway recreating Archer so that is was safer and more effective as a result. Her mind never stopped working, filling him with both pride and awe._

_“So, my dearest husband, what is for dessert?” she asked as they cleared away the dinner plates._   
_“Go sit down and I’ll bring it to you,” he said with a gentle nudge. Mia let out a huge sigh and yawned. Her eyes were now slowly closing and with any luck, given the relatively late hour, she might sleep through to morning._   
_“Oh, look at this,” Felicity whispered, “It’s eight o’clock and she is finally falling asleep.”_   
_“Do you want me to take her?” he asked. He slipped his arm around her and pulled her close._   
_“No, I got her,” she replied, picking up their fussing daughter as she fought against sleep, “If I get her down right away, she won’t have her usual crying fit.”_

_Oliver kissed the top of Felicity’s head and then Mia’s before saying, “I’ll make some tea while you do.”_

_Felicity said nothing in return, instead, she angled her face up towards his and gave him a soft kiss. Her lips lingered against his for just a moment before she turned and slowly walked Mia to bed. He watched her go, feeling the heat of her body lingering against his. As much as he struggled against it, he missed Felicity. He longed for her body and the way she could make him feel. It had been three months of them struggling to find alternative ways of finding intimacy but the skin on skin contact was something he found his thoughts drifting towards more and more._

_To distract his thoughts and body, he went to the fridge and pulled out the desserts for them. He wanted to watch her face when she saw the plate. He was unsure if he would share the dream. All he wanted to do was give her a small gift, a surprise just for her._

_Felicity rejoined him just as he poured the tea and dimmed the lights. With Mia asleep, soundly by the sound of the gentle snoring coming through the baby monitor, they could rely on the candles and the moonlight that was now streaming in through the living room window._

_“You made us chocolate cheesecake?” she asked in wonder._   
_“I did. We deserve a treat,” he answered, placing her tea in front of her._   
_“I miss coffee so much. More than wine,” she sighed._   
_“Soon. Very, very soon,” he chuckled, “I miss it, too.”_   
_“Thank you for giving it up in support of my pain,” she said wryly._   
_“I just wish your cravings had leaned more towards kale.”_   
_“I would fight it tooth and nail just so you wouldn’t give me that smug smile you get when I end up doing something you have said is good for me,” she grumbled._   
_“Eat,” he laughed._

_And she did. She savoured every bite and all but licked her plate clean. It was after she finished the last bite that she noticed the plate._

_“What is this?” she asked in wonder, “Did you…?”_   
_“I did. I saw it in town this morning and knew it had to come home.”_   
_“Tulips?” she asked, looking from the plate to him._

_All he did was shrug and smile. Her eyes glittered in the soft light, turning them into sapphires._

_“Why tulips?” she asked, almost more to herself than to him as she studied its delicate design._   
_“Just...because,” was all he said._

_Felicity tilted her head and narrowed her eyes._

_“I miss you,” she whispered._

_Oliver’s breath caught in his throat when she got up, reached for his hand and pulled him to his feet. He felt light as air, like he was floating an inch off the ground at the very promise of her skin, and followed her. He paused for only a moment to blow out the candles and then let her lead him to their bedroom._

_“Are you sure?” he asked quietly._   
_“Yes, it feels like it’s been years and years,” she murmured and slipped her hands under his shirt._   
_“Shouldn’t we wait an hour?” he asked with a cheeky smile._   
_“An hour? On top of the three months of celibacy?”_   
_“You have a point,” he murmured before kissing her._

_It was a deep kiss, greedy and hard. It was a lover’s kiss, full of sexual heat and impatience. She clung to him, her hands on his back, her body pressed hard against him. She was still shy about taking off her clothes so he made up his mind on how to get her past that mental block._

_Breaking free from her kiss, he took her by the hand and led her to the window seat. The moon was out, full and bright, and shining into their room. Sitting down, he pulled her onto his lap and leaned back on the pillows, his arms wrapped around her and just held her tightly against his chest._

_“Felicity,” he said quietly, his mouth next to her ear, “I know you are still feeling a bit shy.”_   
_“I...I don’t mean to…,” she stuttered._   
_“I know but I want you to know something, ok?” he asked._   
_“...ok,” she said, hesitant and unsure._   
_“Every mark, every scar, on your body just adds to how beautiful, how amazing and how powerful I think you are. I love you more and more each day,” he said softly, finally feeling her relax completely against him._   
_“I don’t know why I am so...shy about it,” she said with a self-deprecating laugh, “I know my body is different now but…”_   
_“You grew a human, Felicity, your body is amazing, you are amazing,” his voice was full of awe as he said it and he meant it. She had survived paralysis, space travel, being kidnapped and threatened with death over and over and still she loved him enough to start her life and a family with him. “I am so glad we are here, right now, with each other, and thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for Mia.”_

_She turned in his embrace, pushed herself to her knees and took his face between her two small hands and studied him for a moment. He always felt stripped naked when she did this. There was nothing he could hide and that paralysed him with fear._

_“I love you, Oliver Queen,” she said, her voice thick with emotion and her eyes, now luminous in the moonlight, shimmered with tears._   
_“To the moon and back?” he gently teased._   
_“To the edge of the universe and beyond,” she smiled. A tear escaped and slid down her cheek for Oliver to tenderly kiss away. “My body has changed and it is taking me time to get used to but I don’t care, I miss you.”_

_He felt the heat coming off of her body and the way her skin smelled as it warmed. Sex with Felicity was never dull. She was inventive, creative, passionate, demanding but also so able to bring him to the edge of sanity and sexual joy. He knew her body had changed. Her hips and breasts were fuller and she felt looser, as though her joints had relaxed, making her more limber and stronger. The truth about the deal he made with the Monitor could wait for now. Felicity deserved all of his love and attention now._

_She allowed him to undress her, accepting every touch and kiss, but she gripped his shoulders, her breath ragged and hard. He used his strength to pick her up and move her to the bed, feeling the strength in her legs as she wrapped them around his waist. She kept her eyes on him, watching every move he made. He knew her body, that if he trailed his fingertips lightly down the soft skin on her side, she would shiver and tighten her legs involuntarily around his waist or head, anchoring herself against him._

_He remembered one hot, humid night in Positano, how he had discovered how vulnerable she could be when he used the width of his shoulders to push her legs far apart and how her body would twitch when his tongue would circled her clit. But she had trusted him, letting him lead her to erotic bliss without once questioning his devotion to her. They had learned how to love each other on that trip, physically, emotionally and, in the most profoundly intense way, spiritually._

_The connection they forged proved strong enough to withstand all the damage his past laid at her feet and the danger of the future as their lives, which was held in service to others, often created around them. He would be relying on that in the days to come but he was sure, deep in his heart, that it would be enough. Now, in their quiet bedroom, he felt that same insistent urge to connect to her body and soul as he did halfway around the world._

_He looked deep into her eyes, silently asking her if she was sure, and felt her hand wrap slowly around his cock and firmly stroked him in reply. Wordlessly, she pulled him down into a passionate kiss and put any of his worries to rest. Everything that followed came from memory, he understood her body, even though now the landscape of it had changed. He simply followed how she directed him with her hands, the way she sighed and the way her body spoke to him._

_Later that night, Felicity sat across his lap, one hand holding onto his shoulder, the other behind her to keep her balance, her hips moving slowly in an undulating rhythm. They were both covered in sweat and pushing against the boundaries of their endurance. Her head fell back and her back arched as her orgasm rumbled and flashed, and she glowed in the darkened room._

_He was buried deep inside of her when the fire ignited in his blood finally erupted and he came, hot and fast. For a moment, he forgot to breathe, he felt locked in the endless loop of his orgasm. He held onto every touch, every sigh, the way the heat of her body was almost too intense for him now, how making love to her felt transcendent._

_They fell into a familiar, exhausted sleep, locked in a tight embrace, reconnected now as two people who loved each other beyond measure. Oliver slept soundly that night, his dreams quiet and calm. He awoke knowing that no matter how far the Monitor took him, whether they went into the future, the past or into a different dimension, the power of her love, the way it lit up his universe, would be more than enough to guide him home._


	5. Universal Diaspora

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is mostly from Felicity's POV. In it, she leads us back to the moment Oliver tells her about the deal with the Monitor. I just feel he told her at some point and they found a way to work past it for themselves and Mia.
> 
> Oliver's POV, which I decided to place first, takes us to the same point but is full of humour, love, intimacy and even as the weight of his secret builds, he keeps his focus on his family. 
> 
> This was a tricky chapter to write as I am slowly pulling the timelines closer and closer together.

**Chapter 4**

**_Universal Diaspora_ **

_Who she was changed_  
_Depending on the time of day_  
_And the phases of the moon._

 

_**The Day the Dinosaurs Died, Con’t. Part 4.** _

_Oliver awoke with a start. His heart was hammering in his chest and he could feel the sheets sticking to his skin, a thin film of sweat causing him to hiver in the cool room. Mia was asleep, only the sound of her light snoring coming through the baby monitor, and Felicity was curled up in a ball beside him, hoarding her body heat under the feather duvet._

_Something had snapped him awake. It wasn’t a dream or nightmare, so it must be something in the house. He closed his eyes and listened. The wind had picked up, he could hear the light tapping of a branch against the kitchen window. Something was rattling on the deck, probably a votive candle holder, but there was something else. A pulsing, an electronic hum. It seemed to be coming from everywhere and nowhere, all at once._

_Slowly, so as to not wake Felicity up, he got out of bed and went in search of the sound. It might be her computer, rebooting itself, or maybe they had left the tv on. Whatever it was, he would find it. Stepping over the floor board that creaked, he stealthily made his way to the living room. A faint glow was emanating from near the window, but it held a silvery, purple hue. It wasn’t the right colour to be anything they owned._

_Crouching low, he picked up the closest item he could reach that could double as a sort of weapon. He hoped, should it come to it, that Felicity would forgive him for using one of her designer stilettos as both a cudgel and potential spear. He was still adjusting to not having weapons hidden under every shelf or drawer. Felicity had baby proofed their entire home and that meant the arrows, fleches and knives stayed in his workshop at the end of the property._

_As quiet as a cat hunting its prey, Oliver slipped into the living room, Felicity’s shoe held in a loose grip, ready to spring into action should he need to. There was nothing there, just a shimmering in the air. It flared bright for a blink of an eye and then was gone, returning the house to silence with only the occasional tapping of the branch on the kitchen window. Straightening up, Oliver stood motionless and waited. When nothing new happened, he relaxed just a hair. He knew what that glow was, who was behind it and felt the shaky, endorphin laden rush of relief flood through him that the portal failed to materialize._

_The Monitor had attempted to come through but either failed or changed his mind. It meant the end was coming but it wasn’t today, not this night and he was thankful. With a sigh of relief, he returned Felicity’s shoe to the space next to its partner and quietly headed back to bed. She was still curled up under the duvet but her breathing had changed. No matter how careful he was, she always knew when he was awake and prowling._

_“Hey,” she said sleepily, “Is Mia awake?”_  
_“No,” he said softly, “I was thirsty. Go back to sleep.” The lie was easier to say than the truth and that left him feeling ashamed and small._  
_“What time is it?” she asked, her eyes still closed._  
_“Just after two am,” he said, surprised at how long Mia was sleeping. They had put her down at seven that evening and had only needed to check on her once when she woke up demanding to be briefly fed and changed close to eleven pm._

_“Mia is letting us rest. At last,” she chuckled from the depths of the duvet cocoon she had woven around herself._  
_“I keep waking up, thinking I hear her,” he said, drowsy but still alert._

_Felicity reached out to him and gently stroked his arm, each movement sending a cascade of electricity over his skin in its wake. Her hand was warm and soft against his skin in the cool room. Turning towards her, Oliver studied her face. It had changed slightly after Mia’s birth. It wasn’t overly obvious, you would really have to know her to see it. She hadn’t aged, she simply looked wiser, mature. She was still the most beautiful woman he had ever known, but there was an elegance about her now that hadn’t been there before._

_It awed him._

_“What are you staring at?” she said with a smile, her eyes still closed._  
_“You,” he said in the voice he used only for her._  
_“How come? You see me everyday,” she teased._  
_“I just want to look at you,” he murmured._

_Felicity opened her eyes and pinned him with a look full of desire and love. They had only just begun to be sexually intimate again and all it would take was a look to ignite the endless desire they had for one another. They should be sleeping in preparation for a new day with Mia but her hand slipped up his arm to his face and she traced his bottom lip with her thumb._

_The air around them crackled and popped with energy._

_“It’s still early,” she murmured, edging closer to him in their small bed. They had opted to keep the double bed and instead of getting a larger one. They slept touching each other in some way no matter the weather so a queen sized bed, like the one they left behind in Star City, just didn’t matter. It had been too large for them in the end._  
_“It is,” he smiled, waiting for her, “We don’t have to take all night.”_  
_“A Queen Quickie?” she teased, laughing when he groaned in mock horror._

_She silenced him with a kiss, slipping her tongue past his lips, her body pressed hot and soft against his. She had been sleeping in the nude for a while now, hating the way clothes felt on her at night when she was heavily pregnant with Mia. He ran his hand over the curve of her hip, delighted that she remained sleeping naked even in the cooler autumn temperatures._

_“You need to sleep naked, too,” she chuckled, “but I guess the boxer briefs are ok.”_  
_“Vixen,” he breathed across the delicate skin on her neck, causing her to shiver against him._  
_“You love it when I watch you getting out of the shower,” she teased, her voice low and soft._  
_“You watch me!” he exclaimed, pretending to be shocked, “I need to start locking the bathroom door.”_  
_“Don’t you dare,” she threatened as she gently grasped his cock in her hands and stroked him in a gentle, firm rhythm until he groaned._

_He pulled her to him but she stopped him with a hand on his chest. “No, you on top,” was all she said in a voice barely above a whisper._

_It wasn’t often that she wanted this, but when she did, he happily complied. It wasn’t one of their more adventurous positions, they had gotten wild in Bali in their private villa, but it was the one where he felt the most connected to her. He could easily keep his full weight off of her but she would pull him closer, demanding the full press of his body on hers._

_“Quickly, Queen,” she said, her voice husky, “our daughter might interrupt us.”_  
_“Shush,” he chuckled against her lips, “Or I’ll wake her up right now.”_  
_“Don’t you dare,” she murmured as she guided him into her body, pulling him in until his vision blurred and all he could feel was her, wrapped wet, tight and hot around him._

_“I love you, Oliver,” she whispered in his ear as he rocked his hips against hers._

_Time slipped away as they lost themselves in each other. With each quiet sigh, thrust and softly uttered word, they tore down and rebuilt the world around them. Each version better than the one before it. They weren’t searching for a utopia or paradise, but somewhere full of kindness, love and safety. Where the air smelled sweetly floral and Mia could play with other children when she was old enough. Where there was no fear of death for simply existing._

_Before long, he felt her body tighten hard around his cock, a quick tempoed pulsing that drove him wild at the best of times but now, after months of celibacy, caused his blood to burn white hot in his veins. Felicity wrapped her legs tighter around his waist and held him deep inside her as his orgasm ripped through him, shaking their small house to its foundations._

_“Told you that we could be quick,” she chuckled softly next to his ear._  
_“Remind me to be quicker next time,” he growled, delicate and light into the nape of her next. He felt her shiver and tighten reflexively around him causing him to groan in exquisite pain._

_He’d told her not to long ago that love was too small a word for how he felt about her. She had been looking into his eyes and understood, intrinsically, who he was by his words alone. She knew his heart no matter the face he wore and was always able to take the necessary steps to cross whatever distance separated them._

_They soon fell asleep and woke up well after sunrise to the sound of Mia giggling and cooing to herself in her crib. Felicity was already awake and gazing intently at him in the soft morning light. They laid that way, almost touching, but in silence. The birds were chirping and the wind had died down, signalling the promise of another warm fall day. He tenderly brushed her hair out of her eyes and smiled his good morning to her just as Mia began to kick up a fuss._

_“What kind of tea this morning?” he asked softly._  
_“Chia, she seems to like it, too,” she sighed as she got up. Instinctively, she stretched her arms up to the ceiling, giving him a view of her in profile against the bedroom window._

_It left him speechless. She was perfect and he felt the crushing weight of the nearness of the end bearing down on him. If last night’s light show was any indication, it was rapidly approaching leaving him with no option but to tell her the truth. He would have to rip her heart apart with words she would know were true and somehow find the strength to not just forgive but understand him and why he made the deal that he did. He hoped they had time to get to that point together._

_“Our daughter is one hungry, hungry baby,” Felicity said over the baby monitor. He could hear the gentle sucking sounds in the background. “I’m going to need a big breakfast. If the day is nice, we should go to that park, the one with the field overlooking the lake.”_

_He laughed quietly and got up to start the day. A picnic under the warm fall sun sounded like a small slice of heaven. The truth would have to wait a few more hours._

 

**_Universal Diaspora_ **

_The beginning of the end  
_

There were some memories that she held in check. They lurked around corners in her mind, hidden in the deep shadows created by the walls she guarded the precious moments of Oliver with. Like how he would hold Mia up, high above his head, as she giggled her delicate laugh. He spent so much time drinking her in, taking every chance to create a memory with her, even if it was just for a tiny, joyful smile.

She had thought nothing of it. In her heart, she saw him as the father he always destined to be, attentive, full of love, patience and as fierce a protector as any little girl needed. She sometimes would slip out to the living room, late at night, to watch him hold Mia against his bare chest. If she was fussy or that achy sleepiness that newborns could get, he would hold her close and let her fuss or cry until she heard it, the strong and steady rhythm of his heart. Mia would fall silent, her tiny fists jammed under her chin, and drift to sleep with her whole body pressed against him.

It felt intrusive, to watch them together, but her heart would fill to bursting listening to him hum lullabies or whisper secrets only fathers could tell their daughters. He would see her and smile but never beckon her to come closer. She would blow him a kiss and head back to her computer or their bed, seeking the elusive darkness of sleep.

But sometimes, when her guard was down or Mia was testing her patience, the brutal memories would rise up from the murky depths and grip her mind, dragging her down with them. This time, it was after a long afternoon of a very rebellious thirteen year old daughter stamping her feet about not getting her way to train with actual weapons. Felicity and Nyssa both agreed that she needed another year of training in hand to hand combat before the weapons entered the frame but Mia felt she knew better.

While her daughter sulked in her room, undoubtedly drawing up plans of how to escape the house once she thought her mom was asleep, Felicity retreated to her lounge chair on the back deck. It was a cool autumn night so she wrapped herself in the old green afghan, the one she had bought way back in Ivy Town, a lifetime ago when things seemed easier, gentler.

Checking her phone, she ran a quick search on William. He had started his own company and was in search of investors to get it up and running. Carefully, she had made an ‘angel investment’, providing him the necessary funds to begin building it. She had been watching him for years, making sure he was safe and loved. So many times she had wanted to reach out to him but the spectre of death and harm stopped her every time. She missed him but refused to put his life in jeopardy, not with how far Star City had sunk.

Oliver would have understood why she had made the decision to not contact him. She was alone out here, surrounded by her own security tech, but ultimately alone with their child. Some days, she felt suffocated by the weight of the responsibility to keep so many people safe from harm. There was never an opportunity to freely breathe, to stretch her arms and feel nothing but the air around her body, the weightlessness of it all.

With a deep sigh, she laid her head back, looked up at the stars, and pulled the blanket tighter around her shoulders. Maybe it was the familiar warmth, or the way the sky looked above the trees, but something freed the one memory she struggled so hard to keep locked away, forgotten. It was like a dandelion releasing its seeds on the wind. One tiny nudge and that night spilled out, flying free in her mind and body. Felicity closed her eyes and pulled the blanket tighter around her shoulders as she let it all come charging back.

_They had just come back from an impromptu picnic, the last one of fall before the leaves were gone from the trees, and she was tired. Mia was close to three months old, still sleeping at regular intervals but never ones convienent for them. Oliver was being so patient, attentive, and just so loving, even when both mother and daughter slept through breakfast in the morning and movies at night. He would put Mia down, carry her to bed and wrap his body around her until dawn._

_But she noticed a disjointedness about him that day, a distractedness in his eyes. She would look at him and see him staring off towards a point on the horizon just past her head. She had let it go, thinking he was sorting through the events of the past year. The trauma, the compromise, the missed time. So she let him wander the desert in his mind, hoping he wouldn’t stay lost in its vast expanse._

_“I think I could sleep for a week,” she said with a yawn and huge stretch. Her muscles got crampy sometimes, like they were being twirled around her bones. She waited for a response from Oliver but he remained silent, lost in thought._

_“Oliver?” she called, a sharpness in her voice to get his attention, “Where are you? Halfway through lunch you just...you checked out.”_  
_“I know, I’m sorry,” he said with a self conscious smile, “I got a bit lost up here.” He tapped the side of his head but his eyes remained clouded._

_“Let me get Mia down for her nap and then we can talk about it,” she said quietly._

_Oliver smiled at her, helpless and resigned to telling her what was weighing heavily on his mind. He had been given enough time to mull over whatever it was and now, it needed to see the light of day. Mia was asleep before her little head hit the pillow. The afternoon had been warm and they had played with her in the grass knowing it would tire her out. The tricks of new parenthood came easily to them but they held no pretenses; sooner or later they would run out of beginner’s luck._

_“So, my love,” she said quietly as she sat down next to him on the couch, “Why the sadness in your eyes?”_

_Oliver didn’t say anything. He opened his arms and pulled her close, kissed the top of her head, and studied the window in front of them. She listened to his heart and noticed it was faster than usual. She was more curious than worried and waited until she heard it slow down and felt his body relax._

_“What is it, Oliver?” she asked, looking up at him._  
_“I’ve been trying to figure out how to begin telling you this for months,” he said quietly, his eyes focused on their backyard, now in deep shadow as the sun began its long descent below the horizon. “But I could never figure out what to begin with. The Monitor? The multiverse? How it all ends?”_  
_“How it all ends? What do you mean by that?” a sudden fear wrapped itself around her heart. She had suspected he was going to tell her he wanted to suit back up, to engage with being the Green Arrow again. She was ready for that discussion and how to dissuade him but now she felt he was leading her somewhere else, somewhere darker, more deadly and dangerous._

_He took a deep breath and said, “The Monitor was going to kill both Barry and Kara to fix all that was wrong with the multiverse but...I stopped him.”_  
_“How?” she asked, her voice quiet, like she was pulling it in, guarding it from what was looming so large in front of her._  
_“I made a deal,” he said in a voice layered with grief, regret, fear and sadness so profoundly deep she could see it emanating from his body in waves._  
_“What kind of deal?”_  
_“That when the time comes, when I am needed the most, in exchange for their lives…,” his voice faltered and failed him._  
_“You offered your own,” she finished for him before lapsing into a stunned silence._  
_“Yes,” was all he said. There was a hitch in his breathing and his arms tightened reflexively around her._

_Felicity felt frozen, locked in a desperate fear. He had offered his life in a moment of insane heroism for two other people who weren’t herself and their then unborn daughter. He had kept that secret, that life changing horror, to himself for months. They had begun a new life, with a child, given up all they had and knew, but still, at some point, he would have to leave it forever._

_She pushed herself out of his arms and stumbled blindly for the back door. She wasn’t sure where to go but knew she had to get away before he said anything else. She heard him calling her name but she couldn’t draw the breath necessary to answer back. Felicity could only think one thing: one day, maybe soon, he would leave them forever._

_Bursting into the backyard, the air now cool as the sun had finally sunk below the curve of the earth, breaking free from the suffocating confines of loss, and drew a deep, ragged breath quickly followed by another. And another._

_And another._

_And another._

_But none of them could stop the sensation of falling into a bottomless abyss._

_She closed her eyes and let gravity finish its job._

_“...Felicity...please…,” Oliver’s voice came in fragments, drifting to her on the breeze. “Honey...open...I...please…”_

_She opened her eyes and slowly let the universe come back into view. Everything had slowed down, the stars were leaving streaks in the sky, the moon ebbed and flowed in its delicate dance with gravity and the earth. She blinked her eyes and there, just above her, were eyes so blue she momentarily lost her breath._

_How could one man have eyes so beautiful? she thought, reaching up to stroke his cheek. How could she live her life without being able to look into them?_

_“I’m ok,” she murmured, “Let me up.”_

_Carefully, she sat up and had to fight the urge to sink back down into the earth, to let it swallow her up, merging her cells with the dirt and grass. But she couldn’t give in, not yet, not util she had answers to the questions she had racing through her mind._

_“Why?” she finally stammered out, “Why would you do this? Again? Why couldn’t we just be...happy?”_  
_“I had no choice, it was them or the universe we live in,” he said softly. He didn’t offer up any more of an explanation, knowing she would understand. “But I knew there had to be another way, I...I just didn’t know at the time, when I was stopping the Monitor from killing them, that I would be the solution in the end.”_  
_“So, to save two superheroes with super powers, you offered up your life?” she said, knowing she was repeating his words as she struggled to make sense of their new reality. “Why would you keep this from me for so long? This is ME, Oliver. Me…”_

_She was gripping the grass in tight fists, unsure if it was to keep her from sinking down into the earth or floating free far above it. Oliver sat down opposite her and waited. And it infuriated her. It was going to be like pulling teeth to get the rest of the story out of him. When it was bad, he shut down and right now, if not for the pleading gleam in his eyes, he would have been easily mistaken for a statue._

_“I don’t want to leave you...or Mia,” he said softly, his voice wavering just a tiny bit. The moon, peaking just a sliver above the trees behind her, reflected in his eyes. She could lose herself in those shimmering pools of blue but took a deep breath and steadied her attention and focus on the conversation that was slowly taking shape between them._

_“But you will. Sooner or later you will. For how long, Oliver? A day? A month? A year?” she asked, struggling against the rising anger and anxiety in her chest._  
_“If we are successful,” he said, choosing his words with great care, “I don’t know…”_  
_“Don’t lie to me, Oliver, not now,” she said sharply, “Tell me.”_  
_“I...I won’t be coming back,” he said in a voice barely audible._

_Felicity opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out._

_“I know an apology won’t cover this but…,” he stopped speaking when he looked at her in the silver light._

_Tears were flowing over her cheeks in a steady flow. It felt like a tap had been turned on and left to overflow the sink. But they sat still, facing each other, and she let the tears run their course before trying to find the words to express what was going on inside her._

_“Oliver,” she started, her voice thick and soft, “how much time do we have now? Please...just tell me how much time we have.”_  
_“It could be a few months or years,” he said honestly, looking down at his hands. He was playing with his wedding band, something he did to calm his anxiety._  
_“Mia might never know you and I will be alone, out here, again,” she said, struggling to sort through the chaos of emotions running riot through her. “All of this...to save the universe?”_  
_“The multiverse,” he said by way of an explanation, “But it is to save you and Mia and William and Thea…”_  
_“At the expense of your own life here with us,” she said, a brittle bitterness punching through her words._

_They sat and stared at one another, each on their own side of a chasm so large he was fading from view. It was a betrayal of sorts, one that shouldn’t shock her, at least not now, not after all the rest, but it did. It was slowly but surely ripping her heart to pieces and there was nothing she could do to stop it._

_Before either of them could say a word, Mia let out a thin wail, one full of confused hunger. Without another word, Felicity got up and went back into the house suddenly needing to feel the soft warmth of her daughter’s tiny body. To smell her hair and feel her heartbeat against hers as she soothed her hunger. She had considered moving to a bottle but the quiet moments, so intimate and real beyond anything she could ever describe, connected her to her child; body and soul._

_She welcomed the space from Oliver, if only for half an hour or less. It would give her the time she needed to find something to change the outcome he was hinting at. That if the Monitor came for him, it would be forever. She refused to accept that he would simply vanish from her life, this universe, and give his life as payment for a debt incurred to save two superhumans who should be able to save themselves._

_There was nowhere to put her anger. She loved Oliver with every atom in her body, maybe in the universe, and the thought of losing him to an unknown war made her feel like her bones were vibrating out of her skin. The fabric of reality had been torn, shredded beyond anything she recognized. The last thing she wanted was for Oliver to be a photo on the wall, a voiceless memory that might linger for a few months in Mia’s mind before becoming a meaningless jumble of colours and sounds._

_Once Mia was changed and rocked to sleep, Felicity curled up on the window seat in their bedroom. The moon was streaming in, almost full but still so bright, and she felt the need to soak it up, to recharge using what she could of the sun. Even if it was just her reflection._

_She could hear the soft click of the gas fireplace being turned on to ward off the autumn chill, and the creak of floorboards as Oliver moved through the living room. He was waiting for her to come to him. Not out of any kind of need for her to be subservient but for her to remain in control of the moment and the conversation between them._

_With shaking hands, she smoothed her shirt over her abdomen and ran her fingers through her hair. Everything was in its place and now it was time to figure out a way through this new trauma. Oliver had a lot of explaining to do but mostly, in the back of her mind, she knew this was the life they had chosen. There was always the chance that one of them would be wrenched away in some form or fashion but not this soon. Not when Mia was so young, before she would be able to develop memories of her dad._

_Giving her head a shake, she stood up and walked into the dark living room, only the soft glow of the fireplace providing enough light for her to see her way in. Oliver was sitting, stone still, on the couch. He was watching without seeing but she knew he could hear her approaching. The closer she got, the tighter his shoulders pulled up towards his ears._

_“So,” she said quietly, taking a seat on the coffee table in front of him, “how are we going to make sure you come home again?”_  
_“I don’t know if it’s possible,” he admitted, his attention back with her, “I don’t think I am going to survive.”_

_She studied his face in the moving light and knew he was holding back. He knew he wouldn’t be coming back, that he had given up on hope and was resigning himself to a death far from home, from Mia, from her. Straightening her spine, she sat up as tall as she could and shook her head._

_“No, you and I know better than anyone on this planet that there is always another way. It is a choice to not look for it and Oliver Jonas Queen, you look for it,” she said, heat colouring every word she spoke, “You search for it in every corner of the universe you find, you reach out to me whenever you can. Try. Try to find a way.”_

_Unbeknownst to her, she had begun to cry again. Hot tears splashed down on her tightly clasped hands. Oliver looked ready to spring up, to hold her, to wipe away the sorrow and grief if only for that moment. But he wisely stayed on the couch. She would have pushed him away had he made the attempt._

_“Now tell me...why does it always have to be you?” this time she let the hurt and betrayal out. It was bubbling under her skin, demanding to be set free. “Talk.”_

_Oliver shifted forward, leaning his elbows on his knees, and took a deep breath to steel himself before speaking. “It wasn’t something I thought about before doing. When the Monitor had Barry and Kara and was killing them, I acted impulsively. I just knew I had to stop it.”_

_“How could they not have been able to save themselves, Oliver? This is the Flash and Supergirl we are talking about. How come it had to be you that had to be the strongest?” she asked, pleading for an answer she knew he didn’t have._  
_“I don’t know. Experience, maybe? Knowledge that keeping those we love safe comes with a price? I can’t change time like Barry, I wouldn’t want to, and I can’t fly like Kara, but I can protect you and Mia. I can make sure you both have a chance to live, to share with the world all that you can. I can use love, our love, to guide me,” he said, fierce and determined. “But I am sorry, just so so so sorry that one day I will have to leave you and Mia.”_

_His voice had softened by the end and she could hear the grief and regret, but still she remained just out of reach even though she ached to touch him out of fear that the Monitor could appear at any moment. The deal was done, now it was time to work through the pain and find a way to see that love filled every moment of every day. Not just for her sake but for Mia’s._

_“Are you sorry for making the deal?” she asked quietly, waiting intently for his reply. Oliver studied her thoughtfully, intensely._  
_“I am sorry that it is going to be taking me away from you, Mia and William but if it means saving the universe so you all can live, I can’t, I won’t ever be sorry for that,” he said as tenderly as he could to soften the blow, “I love you too much to not try. You know I would do anything to stay here with you and Mia. To live our lives how we want, how we deserve to live them. But...I can’t turn my back on this kind of...duty.”_  
_“I know and I love you for that,” she admitted, “but it doesn’t stop me for selfishly wanting you to say no, to stay here, to grow old with me, to watch Mia grow up, for more children to fill this house, our lives…”_

_Oliver reached for her as she spoke and pulled her into his arms, letting his tears fall with hers. They sat like that, clinging to one another in silence, until Felicity finally moved to sit next to him on the couch. Her heart was gripped in the fear of knowing she would lose the one and only man she would ever truly love in this or any lifetime without a moment’s notice._

_“I’m angry, Oliver, angry that you made this decision so easily and freely without me,” she admitted, “but never lose sight of my heart.”_  
_“Never. Your heart will guide me home,” he said tenderly, a hitch in his voice as he spoke._

_There would be more conversations in the days to come as they sorted their way through it all but that night, they let themselves grieve the eventual loss of their lives together and what to tell their friends and, most importantly, their children. When sleep eventually found them, they were on the couch, her head resting on his chest, exhausted by shared grief._

“Mom? Are you ok?” Mia’s small voice snapped her back to the deck.

Felicity felt the cool breeze on her wet cheeks. The tears came so easily when she lost herself to those memories but never, ever did she let Mia see them. This time, she slipped. Mia had the same talent as Oliver; she could sneak up on a ninja if she wanted to.

“I’m fine, love, I’m fine,” she said, trying her best to convince her too smart daughter.  
“Why are you crying? Is it because of me?”  
“No,” Felicity said quickly, opening her arms to Mia. She could be so sensitive and caring, just like Oliver and his universe sized heart. “I was just thinking about your dad.”  
“It makes you sad to think of him?” she asked, curious but careful.  
“Only sometimes. I think about him all the time,” she explained softly, “But I miss him some days more than others.”  
“Do you still love him?”  
“I’ve never stopped. I will never stop. Not for a second,” she reassured her daughter as she hugged her tighter. “That’s why I still wear the ring he gave me. I will be married to him until the end of time.”  
“I wish I could remember him.”  
“I know, love, but you were only a few months old when he left us,” Felicity said, swallowing her tears, “But I will tell you all our stories as best I can, ok?”  
“Ok,” Mia agreed, “Can we have a movie night?”  
“Absolutely. You go get the popcorn maker out and I’ll be right in,” she said with a smile.

Mia kissed her cheek and ran inside. Movies and popcorn were their ways of saying, “I’m sorry” and “I forgive you.”. Undoubtedly it would be an action flick, something from Oliver’s collection, and it brought her a strange sort of comfort, like he was with them. With one last look up at the sky, she watched a satellite travel its long ago established path.

She remembered one night when she and Oliver had sat on this very same deck, trying to spot shooting stars. He told her stories of how he tricked Thea into making wishes on space hardware, telling her they were just really old stars, too tired to make their final journey with any great speed. She laughed then, thinking about how many times he had pulled the wool over his sister’s eyes, and wondered how her sister-in-law was fairing somewhere halfway around the world.

“Mom! Movie time!” called Mia from the kitchen where she was patiently waiting for Felicity to make the popcorn.  
“Coming!” she called back, searching the sky one last time, looking for a clue, a sign, anything that spoke to Oliver’s presence. Finding none, she headed in, wondering what movie her daughter had decided to inflict on her. “Is it a Die Hard night?”  
“Nah,” Mia said somewhat sheepishly, “How about The Wizard of Oz?”

Smiling, Felicity nodded and made the popcorn while her daughter set up the livingroom. They hadn’t watched the movie in a long time. Her daughter was wonderfully intuitive, knowing that she needed something nostalgic, that was theirs and theirs alone. Mia held no memories of her father but the story of Dorothy and the yellow brick road was what she often talked about when thinking about him. Through it, and her training with Nyssa, she was keeping the idea she had of Oliver alive and Felicity fostered it, nurturing anything positive and heroic Mia latched onto in order to know him.

Later that night, after Mia finally went to bed and her late night crime fighting in her secret bunker had come to a close, Felicity lay staring at her bedroom ceiling, searching for sleep. The evening had dredged up memories she had tried so hard to keep locked away. She felt scraped raw, an open wound, and felt compelled to hunt down a memory to balance the pain out.

She closed her eyes and found it, sitting just within reach. It was more sensory than visual. She could feel Oliver’s body, the feral heat of him, on top of her. She used to secretly love the way it felt to be underneath him, at the mercy of his size and strength, knowing he would do anything for her, anything to keep her safe. Yet in those intimate moments, she never felt vulnerable or helpless. She felt worshipped, adored, and loved. Every moment was a lifetime, filling her heart and mind with the knowledge that love could exist in physical form and protect them both from the horrors of the world beyond their door.

So she held onto that memory made flesh, embraced it and allowed herself to relax into a dreamless sleep, safe in the arms of her long lost husband. In the days that followed, it would be the fuel that drove her fearlessly forward as her search for a way to contact the furthest reaches of the universe intensified.

 


	6. Ghost of Jupiter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a quiet one where they both walk through memories that are slowly leading to the moment where they will intersect and take us to the future.
> 
> Felicity is slowly working her way closer to Oliver and Oliver is slowly working his way to the future. Soon, they will meet but first, they have to get through the pain of them having to separate.
> 
> We also get a small taste of Mia and Felicity's relationship and blast from the past as the Ghost of Jupiter makes it appearance and the Sandman, as yet unnamed, makes his second visit to Felicity. He'll be back...
> 
> This chapter is sad, funny, sexy and a quiet exploration of how they managed to work through the pain of his leaving.

**Chapter 5**

**Ghost of Jupiter**

_Pale blue eyes_  
_greet her past the veil of sleep_  
 _and sorrow fills her heart._

 

There were days when Felicity felt like she was standing still in a fast running stream. The world flowed past, bruising her shins and ankles, a low, rumbling murmur of voices just at the edge of her hearing. Mia was a whirlwind of physical energy and chaotic curiosity. She was the most perfect mix of both her and Oliver and she loved her with a ferocity that blazed even on days when her heart was weighed down by remembered sorrow.

Star City had been reduced to ashes in the shadow of the Glades and part of that was her fault. Her creation had been turned against its intended purpose by Alena and now she had a gigantic mess to clear up before anarchy became the norm. That the old team didn’t have the strength to prevent it after Diggle and Lyla left, didn’t surprise her, not after the way they had betrayed both her and Oliver in the past. They lacked the conviction to make any sort of impact. Oliver would be heartbroken to see how far the city had fallen because of it.

From the hidden confines of her bunker, she had begun the process of stepping back into the crime fighting arena but strictly to destroy Archer. Her office on top of the Smoak Tech headquarters building had once been where she kept all of those activities centred but she abandoned it when her identity as the Calculator had almost been compromised. She had lied to Mia, telling her that she wanted to retire and enjoy her life away from corporate intrigue.

She had made enemies and needed to be cautious. The promise she made to Oliver loomed large and keeping Mia safe had to be a priority. While Star City fell, she desperately tried to keep Oliver’s heroics front and centre. She would never allow her daughter to think of her father as someone who brought evil to the world. He was a hero, the bravest man in the entire universe and that is what she reinforced in Mia’s mind.

Some nights, after a glass too much of wine with dinner, Felicity would curl up in Oliver’s chair and lose herself in old memories of their short time together. She had hoped for decades, a lifetime, full of children and grandchildren and love, so much love. Mia would ask her the quiet questions, like how they met, when they fell in love, and how they remained so strongly committed to one another despite all the trauma and grief.

Explaining what it meant to have found her soulmate by chance and a bullet ridden laptop took time. They would laugh at his desperately awful attempts to hide the truth from her but once the lights went out for the night, Felicity would retire to her bedroom and cry herself to sleep. For almost two decades the wound in her heart remained. It never grew, it simply was there - an open, raw wound.

Then one night, as she sat fuming over a small piece of tech that was supposed to act as circuitry in the device she was building but kept trying to melt into a small lump of rare metals, something happened. She had spent almost 15 years working on a quantum field manipulator that she could wear as hidden tech and now, it would work. It was 10x smaller than the one she and Curtis had constructed so many years ago and, if she was correct in her calculations, 100x more powerful. But testing it was going to be tricky, especially with Mia in the house. She would have to find a way to turn it all on and initiate contact with the edge of the universe, or one of the universes, undetected by a curious teenager.

Yet the very idea of it filled her with a sudden terror. She had kept love at an arm’s length for so long before a tall, ruggedly handsome man with brilliant blue eyes lied to her about a bullet ridden laptop. He had blown her world apart and despite the deep levels of PTSD he suffered, found a way to trust her, respect her, and love her with his whole being. Life with him had been full of energy, both good and bad, and never dull. She had learned how to forgive with kindness and love but still retain her own sense of self.

She had learned who she was at her core and had begun to see the world in brand new ways. Being part of a team built on trust and respect had awakened the hero in her and it gave her life meaning. But it was Oliver who fed her soul and because of that, Felicity had married him long before they said their vows. She had loved him long before he asked her to dinner on their first date. And for the last 15 years she had been chasing his ghost, trying to find a trace of him in the night sky, her dreams, and the reports from Star Labs but he remained elusive, hidden.

Holding the manipulator in her hand, she studied every part of it to make sure it was properly connected and contained. She would be able to use it only once and then would be faced with another decade of building a new one. But it was what she would see or find out that filled her with terror. That otherworldly unknown of where the Monitor had taken him, it filled her nights with nightmares and the occasional bout of insomnia. Yet she was resolute that she would meet Oliver’s bravery with her own and step through that portal when the time was right.

In her heart, she knew that Oliver was alive and fighting somewhere in a universe similar to their own. If he had perished, like the Monitor had said was Oliver’s destiny, she would know. Her entire body would convulse, her heart would shatter, and she would simply fall to pieces, until nothing was left but dust. Not even Mia would be able to keep her from falling through the cracks of time and space.

A crash from the kitchen snapped her to attention. Mia was up, probably thirsty or hungry, but it was late, well after midnight. If she was going to get out of the bunker unseen, she had to do it now. Luckily, she had installed a second way in and out, creating a hidden door in her walk in closet. She placed the manipulator in its case and quietly re-entered her bedroom. She was already in pajamas, her bed was a mess from the night before, so if Mia came in, she was covered and wouldn’t have to lie.

“Mom?” came her daughter’s quiet voice from the hallway. “Are you awake?”  
“I am,” she answered, quickly leaving her room, “What did you break?”  
“Well, it didn’t break…”  
“Show me,” Felicity chuckled.  
“It’s just the planter beside the sink. It didn’t break but there is dirt everywhere,” she said sheepishly.  
“And you need mom to find the broom because you never sweep up and don’t know where it is?” Felicity teased.  
“Mom!” Mia groaned.

Laughing, Felicity hooked her arm through her daughter’s and walked them back into the kitchen. Mia had indeed made a mess. Luckily, the fern she had knocked down was a hardy one and could withstand a bit of rough handling. Still, it brought back memories of thoughtful gifts in a dark bunker and the fluttering of butterflies in your stomach when faced with nervous anticipation and the excitement of new love.

“What were you doing up so late?” she asked as a way to distract herself. The fern safely replanted and gently watered, Felicity turned to watch her daughter meticulously sweep up the dirt from the floor. She was so like her father in her attention to detail.  
“I couldn’t sleep so I came out to use the old telescope to look at the stars,” she said.  
“Any one in particular?”  
“Nah, just wanted to look. The moon set an hour ago so the stars are amazing,” she explained quietly, like she wasn’t sure if she should continue. Felicity looked at her daughter in silence, waiting for her to continue. “And I was thinking about all the times you explained things like the day the dinosaurs died, black holes and the age of the universe. I just wanted to...look.”

“Get the telescope, go get a blanket,” Felicity said quietly, “let’s go sit outside. I have something to show you.”  
“Can we have some hot chocolate, too?” Mia asked slyly.  
“You little sneak...that’s what you came out here for?” Felicity asked, trying not to laugh and failing badly.  
“I was going to make it the way you do when it’s cold out,” Mia said quietly.

Felicity stopped short, turned around and studied her daughter. What she was saying was that she was making the hot chocolate that Raisa had taught Oliver to make when he was a child. It had just a little bit of cayenne in it, just enough to warm it up on the palate. Oliver would make it if the day had been long or difficult or if he was feeling lost, gripped by the demons from his past. It anchored him in a way that didn’t require words. Mia requested it only when she was wrestling with the knowledge she would never meet or know her father. It pulled her closer to him, even if it was just a shared memory across time and space.

With a gentle smile, she nodded and then pointed towards the living room. “I’ll make it and bring it out. Shouldn’t take long since I see you’ve already boiled the kettle.”

Mia flashed a brilliant smile at her and headed into the other room on quick, light feet. She moved like a gymnast but Felicity knew she was a fighter, strong and athletic. Nyssa had done well in how she had trained Mia. Her reflexes were like a cat’s and her proficiency with weapons was coming along at such a furious pace that Nyssa felt more and more sure she was ready for any challenge that might come their way.

“Ready!” her warrior child called from the back deck.  
“Be right there!” she called back as she carefully poured stirred the cayenne into the hot chocolate mix with equal parts boiling water and warmed milk and then into mugs. For Mia, she selected a mug Mia herself had found at a garage sale. It was in the shape of a cat and painted in wild shades of fuchsia and orange. For herself, she found a mug that Oliver had bought years ago when they created the bunker under his election headquarters. It was deep green with a gold arrow motif painted along the side and cracked from rough treatment, a few explosions and relocations. They had often shared a drink out of it when they were alone after a night’s work.

“Here ya go,” she said softly, mindful of Mia’s state of mind.  
“Thanks, Mom,” she replied, taking her mug from Felicity’s outstretched hand. “I love this mug! I forget it’s up in the cupboard until I see it. It’s like getting a present over and over.”  
“So you’re saying I should hide the mug away and then give it to you for your birthday every year until I die?” Felicity teased.

Mia took a long sip and gave her a look that said, “Don’t you dare.” Felicity laughed and sat down beside her.

“Ok, I am going to show you something your dad showed me when we camped out on a mesa twenty years ago,” she said softly, pulling the telescope down to her. Carefully, she released the clutch on the eyepiece and set the right ascension and declination to focus on the patch of sky she wanted to show Mia and then slipped the clutch back on.

“Here,” she said, moving so Mia could look into the eyepiece without jostling the telescope, “take a look.”

Mia peered in the scope and then looked at her mom. “Is that an eye?”  
“It is,” Felicity replied, her mind drifting back twenty years to a time full of horror, pain, grief and still so much love her heart was always full.  
“What is it called?”  
“The Ghost of Jupiter,” she answered, a hitch in her voice.  
“Mom?” Mia asked, concerned and curious about what her mom was thinking about.  
“I’m ok,” she reassured her, “Just thinking about how your dad showed this to me and why.”  
“Can you tell me or is it off limits?” Mia was mindful that certain events in her past were not up for discussion. Specifically, Havenrock and the brutal aftermath that followed.

“We had just left for our round the world tour, a few years before we got married. It was really the first night we had spent in just each other’s company in months and he wanted to give me a gift. It was something his dad had shown him but…,” she drifted out of focus for a moment, reflecting on the starry sky, the vivid dreams and the discovery of a woman’s grave, created with love and grace so long ago, “But he wanted to give it to me. To bring it to me. He gave me the gift of the universe.”

Mia had fallen silent, listening to each word and committing them to memory. Stories about her dad always commanded her full attention. Felicity knew she was seeking something tangible, something physical, to hold onto and she hoped that maybe this small thing would help.

“He showed it to me again,” she continued, “It was just before a major hurricane hit the coast. We were stuck in a cottage that overlooked the ocean. We weren’t together, but it didn’t matter. He was trying to heal me and in the end, I loved him more than words can really provide accurate meaning to.”  
“It’s beautiful,” Mia murmured, looking at it one more time. “The Ghost of Jupiter…”

They sat outside and finished their hot chocolate, searching for meteorites, spy satellites or wandering planet. Mia started to doze off, drowsily slurring her words as she forced herself to stay awake, as the clock inside quietly chimed the time. Somehow, they had sat out under the stars for an hour and a half, greeting two am with sleepy ease.

“Come on,” Felicity said, nudging Mia up, “to bed with you. I’ll clean up.”  
“Ok,” Mia mumbled as she got unsteadily to her feet, “Love you, Mom.”  
“Love you more,” she smiled, watching her daughter go inside the warm, quiet house.

She hoped that Mia would appreciate the story of how she was shown the nebula with reverence one day. She wisely left off the way she thanked Oliver that first night under the stars in the desert. Her skin warmed, remembering how he had taken command of her body, murmuring poetry to her as the universe rotated above them.

A glance at the clock told her it was well past the time she should be in bed. It was the start of a long weekend, but she wanted to get a good start on the day. She had to figure out how to exhaust Mia so she would sleep through the night and any disturbances that might happen when she turned on the quantum field manipulator.

Nyssa had planned to make an appearance which gave her an idea. Mia hadn’t done a long run in at least a month. If she could get Nyssa to send her out on a 10 or 15 mile run for time, that would exhaust her. Grabbing her phone, she sent the silent assassin a text with the request and headed to bed now confident that come this time tomorrow, she would be looking across time and space into her husband’s eyes.

Finally, she crawled into bed and wrapped herself in the duvet, warm and comfortable at last. Morning was a few short hours away and she needed to get as much sleep as possible even though all she wanted was for tomorrow to arrive. Her eyes slid shut and her last waking thought was watching Oliver walk out the door to save the universe.

_Sometimes dreams would unfold like a flower in the morning, seeking the sun. At first things would be hazy, out of focus, and too brightly lit. Slowly, the mist would clear, wafting out, revealing a tableau or scene that she could step into or wave aside, looking for something gentler to wade into._

_This time, what revealed itself to her, were blue eyes made red from crying and the taste of his tears on her lips. It was the moment her world effectively came to an end. She tried to side step it, to pivot to something better, less painful, but she kept returning to the same moment over and over. Staring into his eyes, seeing the depth of his pain and sorrow, and then he was gone._

_But what was different was the faint purple glow coming from the corner of the living room. It didn’t grow, it simply floated a few feet above the air and kept its shape. Curious, she managed to set aside remembered grief and approached it. If there was one thing she both loved and hated, it was a mystery and this one was far too unusual to ignore._

_As she stood in front of it, it flared brighter and widened just a bit._

_“You might want to step back just a bit,” came a voice from within the anomaly. It was a deep voice, not old but wise in a way that spoke to a depth of time spent in contact with the unknown._

_She heeded the advice and took a few steps back. What happened next came close to overloading her circuits. The glimmering space widened even further and the voice came through again._

_“Felicity, I am going to need you to sit down.”_  
_She complied without a word. Something was going to happen she just didn’t know what or if it was going to be good or bad._

_“I can only keep this portal open for a few minutes, so you all must hurry.”_

_With those final words, the voice that was as old as time faded._

_“Can you hear me?” came the Monitor’s voice from deep space._  
_“I can,” she replied, her eyes wide and searching for a sign of Oliver._  
_“When you use the manipulator tomorrow, you must first program in the coordinates for the nebula Oliver showed you. If you don’t, I will not be able to find you.”_  
_“What about Oliver? Will he be with you?” she asked, her voice tremulous and quiet in her now empty living room._  
_“I can’t promise that he will but I will endeavour to have him with me.”_  
_“Is he there now?” she asked, trying to keep the hope in her voice as silent as possible._

_There was a pause, then a shriek of static. Felicity thought the portal might be closing but then she heard it. A faint call._

_“Felicity!”_  
_“Oliver!” she exclaimed, standing up but not approaching the portal yet._  
_“...soon...I...you!’ his voice was cracking up across the vast distance between them but she understood what he was saying._  
_“I love you, too, Oliver. Always.” she called back, searching the void for a glimpse of him._

 _The portal flared and the Monitor said, “Be ready tomorrow.”_  
_And with that, the portal closed._

_Her legs began to shake uncontrollably, forcing her to sit back down. She felt elated, energized, but also so profoundly sad. She had heard his voice for the first time in twenty years and it was like taking a deep breath of fresh air. But she missed him more than ever before and part of her wondered if she would dive through the portal in search of him._

_Mia was the only thing that stopped her. Her daughter wasn’t old enough for her to leave her, not yet. Felicity dropped her head into her hands and fought against the instinct to race towards her husband, to grab hold of him and drag him back to her and their daughter, to William and Thea and John._

_She felt the air change around her and hesitantly lifted her head to see why. Her dreams were never simple. She never woke up into simple scene, there was always something seething underneath that she had to discover or fix. Sometimes she was alone and other times she was running from a memory._

_This time she merged seamlessly into a strange mix of memories from the days before he left. She recognized the discrete moments and tried to make sense of what she was being shown._

_Oliver was sitting in the window seat in their bedroom, cradling Mia against his bare chest. She was fussing, her fists opening and closing over his scars, and fighting sleep with every fibre of her tiny being. Any other night, this would have made her smile, especially since he was speaking softly to her, telling her his secrets._

_Two nights previous, he had told her about his deal with the Monitor. She was alternating between seething with an aimless anger that was ripping through her like a tornado and such a deep, dark sorrow that no light could penetrate it. Her heart was drowning and no matter how hard she tried, she could seem to find the surface to break free and breathe._

_“I think she’s ready to go down,” Oliver said, his voice was so soft and gentle. It washed over her, glowing and full of love._  
_“Do you want me to take her?” her voice sounded tinny and sharp to her ears. She knew what was coming and powerless to stop it._  
_“No, it’s ok. I’ve got her,” his voice was dreamy, willowy, a tidal force of love._

_She stepped out of the room and wandered, aimlessly and woodenly, into the living room. The lights were out and with the sun having set a few hours before, the sky was dark and sprinkled with stars. The cold, hard reality of it was that one day soon, Oliver would be gone and there was nothing she could do._

_Leaning forward, she pressed her forehead against the cold window pane and closed her eyes. She was struggling hard to find her way through this with her heart intact but so far had failed to find the right path. He had made a choice so huge, big and bold, that would leave her essentially a widow, without a second thought. He was always so willing to offer his life in place of others but at the expense of her own and his children’s._

_Soft music began to play. Lou Reed and the Velvet Underground. A surprising favourite of both of theirs. Pale Blue Eyes, one of her favourites. Oliver slowly walked up behind her and stood still, not touching her but so close she could feel the heat of his body. Felicity waited, not wanting to break the silence between them just yet._

_“Mia is asleep,” he said quietly, “she fought it for only a few minutes.”_  
_“She must have been exhausted,” Felicity said, her voice hollow. She watched her breath fog up the glass under her nose and thought about all the times she had purposefully done that as a child and drawn hearts or rocket ships before her breath vanished, taking her dreams with it._  
_“You must be, too.”_

_He was right. She hadn’t slept more than a few hours the last few nights combined._

_“Like mother, like daughter,” she chuckled without much humour._  
_“You need to sleep, Felicity,” he said, trying to hide the anguish in his voice._  
_“I...can’t,” she said simply, “I close my eyes and I see me and Mia, alone. If I do fall asleep, I see us, you and me, in Bali or Positano or Ivy Town. I see our life…”_

_Oliver leaned forward and gently pressed his forehead against the top of her head. After a moment, she felt his arms go around her waist and gently pull her back towards him. Reluctantly, but with a swell of love nonetheless, she allowed him to as Lou sang:_

_Thought of you as my mountaintop_  
_Thought of you as my peak_  
_Thought of you as everything_  
_I've had, but couldn't keep_  
_I've had, but couldn't keep_

_Felicity turned and laid her head on his chest, encircling him with her arms, and unconsciously, they both began to sway to the gentle chorus. They had danced to this in private after their wedding reception. Before everything went so horribly wrong and he left her alone with his son. It had been a gentle night, one full of so much love it was sometimes able to crowd out the darker memories late at night._

_“I love you, Felicity,” he whispered in her ear, “Please find me. Only you can do it.”_

_She looked up and found him gone, her arms empty, and the house was cold and silent._

Opening her eyes, Felicity turned to see that the clock had only moved an hour ahead. The wind had picked up outside which always caused the house to creak and groan just enough for her to hear. Mia had long ago suspected ghosts in the walls and would sneak into her bed, snuggling under the warm duvet beside her. She missed those days and wondered if Mia would ever do it again. Sighing, she turned over and closed her eyes once more thinking it was going to be a very long night.

 

**_The Day the Dinosaurs Died, Con’t, Part 5_ **

_They hadn’t spoken much since he revealed the detail so his deal with the Monitor. Just enough so that Mia was looked after properly or communicate about things that needed to be fixed or bought at the store. Food was tasteless at the moment but he was slowly coming up with a plan to maybe help bridge the distance between them._

_“I need to run to the store. Do you need anything?” he asked after finishing lunch._  
_“Mia needs diapers and I need more almond milk,” she said without turning around from the mountain of laundry she was folding._  
_“Ok,” he waited a beat, “I’ll see you later.”_

_She said nothing, so he left. They had been trying not to get underfoot of the other. She slept on the sofa the night before and in the past, while he might have picked her up and carried her to bed, he had only covered her with a blanket, turned off the lights, and let her remain as she was. It had been hard but the day had been full of arguments, sullen silences, an unhappy baby and the unavoidable need to be in their own spaces, separate from the others._

_Tonight would have to be different. He could feel the approach of the end coming and the need to find peace with Felicity was his only priority. In the past he would have bought her flowers or maybe a bottle of wine, but she was still nursing and not so easily swayed. He would have to find something else to melt the ice forming between them._

_By the time he got home, Mia was awake form her afternoon nap and was happily cooing from her baby seat. Felicity was laughing with her, ignoring her computer and phone in favour of her daughter. He watched them from the doorway and longed to join in. He glanced at the bags in his hands and hoped he had made the right decision._

_“Hey,” he said softly as he crossed to the kitchen._  
_“Hey,” she said, her voice warmer, reflective._  
_“How is she doing?”_  
_“She just ate and will need to be changed soon. I think she will be a happy baby for a bit,” Felicity smiled at their daughter, eliciting a gurgly laugh from Mia._  
_“I can take her when she’s ready,” he said while putting away the dinner surprise, “I got the diapers, they had a sale so I got...lots.” He bought four boxes, enough to last them at least three weeks._  
_“Never knew you to be a bargain hunter,” she teased gently._  
_“Raisa raised me well,” he chuckled._

_The afternoon went by in a blink of an eye. Felicity returned to working on Archer and he played with Mia until she was exhausted and hungry. She hadn’t yet made the switch to bottles, so Felicity breast fed her while he set about making dinner for the two of them. It wasn’t fancy but it held a surprise that he hoped she would appreciate._

_“I think our girl is ready to go to bed for the night,” Felicity whispered, cradling Mia next to her heart, “Want to say goodnight?”_

_Bending low, Oliver tenderly kissed his daughter on the cheek, smiling as she squirmed and kicked restlessly for just a moment before settling back down into a deep, deep sleep. Felicity smiled at the way Mia wanted to wake up so badly but was powerless against her body’s unyielding demand for rest._

_“Be right back,” Felicity murmured softly and turned towards Mia’s bedroom._

_Oliver watched her go, memorizing every detail of how she kissed Mia’s cheek and softly spoke to her the entire way out of the living room, down the hall and into her bedroom. She was a natural at this, and it was a joy to watch her blossom into the role as Mia’s mom. He knew their daughter would be safe no matter what, even if he was gone from their lives, Mia would be safe._

_“I think she is going through a mini-growth spurt,” Felicity said quietly upon her return._  
_“She is sleeping a bit more lately, and longer,” he commented as he plated their dinner._  
_“Her appetite is increasing, too, soon we will have to move her to a bottle.” Felicity sounded wistful as she spoke. Being able to breastfeed was a joy for her, she had commented often at how peaceful it was, how close she felt to Mia in those quiet moments._

 _“Well, I think I will trust that you know what’s best in that area,” he said, “I will support whatever you decide.”_  
_“What’s for dinner?” she asked._  
_“I made that pasta dish we had in Positano,” he said, “Nice, simple, fresh.”_

_Felicity smiled, more at the memory than him, and gratefully accepted the plate he handed her. It was a simple dish of tomatoes, garlic, and shallots sauteed in olive oil, with basil added in at the last minute, and then tossed with spaghetti and fresh shaved Parmesan. It was one of the last meals they ate while in that beautiful, seaside city and he wanted to transport them back to that moment for just a little while._

_“I wish I could drink wine,” she sighed._  
_“Sparkling water with lime ok?” he asked with a smile._  
_“For now,” she grumbled goodnaturedly, “But when Mia switches to bottles, I plan on having a nice big glass of that rosé I love.”_  
_“I’ll be sure to pick up a couple of bottles next week,” he said with a wink._

_While she ate, Oliver turned the living room lights off, turned on the gas fireplace, lit a couple of candles and finally, hit play on an old playlist from his phone. Lou Reed’s velvet smooth voice filled the room with a softness that wouldn’t wake Mia up._

_“So what’s all this?” she asked, watching him in curiosity._  
_“Just thought a nice quiet night would be what we need,” he said carefully._

_Felicity was silent as she considered what he was hinting at. Taking a large bite of garlic bread, she waited for him to rejoin her. He was hungry but nervous, hoping he had made the right choice for the rest of the night._

_“So am I to assume we have dessert?” she asked around a mouthful of spaghetti._  
_“It’s possible.”_  
_“I’ll leave room,” she said, her eyes narrowing just a hair._

_Oliver smiled, relaxing into the meal, and enjoyed her company in the soft candle light. Lou Reed had given way to Leonard Cohen and the mood in the house seemed to go through a release of tension. He felt like maybe he could take a deep breath._

_“So...what did you find at the store?” she asked, nudging him along._  
_“Well, it’s a blast from the past,” he teased._  
_“I’m guessing something we had in Positano?” she smiled._  
_“Maybe…”_

 _Oliver cleared away their plates and pointed towards the living room. “Go and sit. I’ll bring it in.”_  
_Then waited for her to go and get comfortable on the oversized couch. The gas fire was set on low but had warmed the room up so that it was cozy._

_In the freezer were two specially made tartufos. He’d asked for chocolate, espresso and a thin layer of vanilla ice cream molded around a centre of frozen dark chocolate flavoured with cinnamon. The whole thing was rolled in candied walnuts and cocoa. They had shared one of these late one night when the moon was full and high above their villa. It had been a hot, humid, sultry night and thinking about it caused his body to flush hot._

_“Here ya go,” he said quietly, with a flourish as he handed her the tartufo on her tulip plate._  
_“You didn’t…,” she breathed, holding the dessert offering in two hands._  
_“I did. I had them make it special for us.”_  
_“Thank you,” she said, her voice serious but soft. He kept his eyes down and began to eat the Italian delight._

_They ate in silence, listening to the baritone voice of Leonard Cohen and the soft rustle of leaves in the wind outside their home. On any other night, this would have been the end of the perfect night but there was so much sadness between them, so many unspoken words, that he wasn’t sure if the tartufo had been enough to nudge them closer together._

_Felicity finished hers and, after putting her plate carefully on the coffee table, slipped closer to him. The sudden warmth of her body was a balm, it soothed him in ways he could rarely put into words. Slowly, he moved his arm and gently wrapped it around her, feeling the way she pressed against him. Her head came to rest on his chest and he had to blink back tears at the intimate familiarity of it._

_“Is this the playlist from Bali?” she asked quietly._  
_“It is,” he replied softly. “Lou Reed and the Velvet Underground...who would have thought we would have a mutual favourite?”_  
_“And Leonard Cohen,” she reminded him._  
_“Oh, I will never forget Leonard,” he murmured, kissing the top of her head._

_The music shifted back to Lou Reed and Felicity got up, taking his hand in hers and pulled him to his feet. Stepping past the coffee table, she moved into his arms and began to slowly dance with him. Pale Blue Eyes played softly all around them._

_Thought of you as my mountain top_  
_Thought of you as my peak_  
_Thought of you as everything_  
_I've had but couldn't keep_  
_I've had but couldn't keep_

 _Linger on your pale blue eyes_  
_Linger on your pale blue eyes_

_She looked up at him, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears, and said, “We have to make the most of the time we have together. I understand why you made the deal with the Monitor, I do, but I will fight everyday that you are gone to find you. To bring you home or travel to meet you but I will wait until Mia is on her own and able to take care of herself without me. I will make sure our daughter is as fierce a warrior as you are, then I will find you.”_

_He didn’t know what to say. He knew she was still wrestling with her sense of betrayal but the power of her love for him, their daughter, this life, humbled him. Instead of speaking, he swept away a tear that had escaped and was slowly making its way down her cheek. Felicity rested her chin on his chest and waited._

_“I know you will keep our daughter safe and love her enough for the two of us,” he said, his voice breaking, “And I know, without a doubt, that you will find me.”_  
_“Just stay alive,” she said, “Promise me that. Promise me you will do everything you can to stay alive.”_  
_“I will,” was all he could say._

_Stepping away from him, she said, “Blow out the candles. Let’s go to bed.”_

_Doing as she requested, he blew them out, turned the fireplace off, let the playlist run its course and then followed her down the short hallway. Pausing for a moment outside of Mia’s room, he listened and heard her sigh in her sleep. He hoped that her dreams were full of light and colour._

_Felicity was standing in front of the large bay window beside their bed. The room was dark and her silhouette swayed against the dim light that was filtering in from outside. He didn’t have to say a word for her to know he was in the room. She often described it as a wave of energy washing over her as he entered whatever space she was in. She always knew where and how close he was to her._

_Without looking, she turned around to face him before speaking. “How long do you think we have together?”_  
_“Not long,” he replied honestly, “Every now and then, I get this...feeling that something is coming.”_  
_“I know I can’t stop it, or you, from going, but I need you to understand what it will do to me when you leave. You will be taking my heart when you go,” she said quietly, stepping softly towards him, “That even though I understand why, it will destroy me.”_  
_“But you’ll rise up. You always do,” he said in a hushed and quiet voice, “There is no one on this planet, in this entire universe, who is a strong as you.”_  
_“Why do you always have to go?” she asked in barely concealed anguish._  
_“I don’t know,” he whispered, “But I had to. To save everyone but most importantly, you, Mia, William and Thea. You are all that matters to me.”_

_Felicity was now only a few inches from him, looking up into his eyes. In the cool, quiet room, the dim light made her eyes deep blue, like the deepest reaches of the ocean. But her’s weren’t tranquil, they were roiling, throwing off sparks in waves. She was angry, sad, desperate and yet still so willing to forgive._

_“I can’t ask you for forgiveness, just trust me when I say this is the only way,” he said as tenderly as he could._  
_“I’ll find you, you know I will,” she said resolutely._  
_“I am counting on it,” he said with a small smile. Taking a chance, he wrapped his arms around her waist, still loving the way the fullness of her hips and breasts felt against him._  
_“So long as you have a piece of me with you, I will always know how to find you,” she said, reaching up and lacing her fingers behind his neck, “And never, ever stop looking for me, for us.”_  
_“I promise,” he whispered, “I love you.”_  
_“I love you, too. Never doubt that,” she whispered and then pulled him down into a kiss that was full of love, passion, desire and a devastation so profound, it left its mark on his heart._  
_“Never,” he murmured, his lips on her neck, “I will never doubt it.” He effortlessly moved her back towards the bed and laid her on her back._

_He made love to her that night with singular purpose. Without knowing how long they had together, creating these oasis of memories was of utmost importance for them both. Mia would never remember him, except through the stories Felicity would share with her, but he needed to take away as many moments as he could of them both if he were to survive._

_Taking control of her body, Oliver brought her to ecstasy with his mouth, tongue and hands. Over and over again, she arched her back, gripping his head or arm, almost delirious as each orgasm took her past her ability to even say his name. He was tender but relentless, pushing her further with every gentle lick or touch, he was showing her his devotion to her body and soul and she surrendered to him because of it._

_Finally, she kissed him, her tongue, soft as velvet, slipped past his lips, exploring his mouth, tasting herself on his lips. He felt her take hold of his cock, which had grown painfully rigid and throbbed to the beat of his heart, and gently guide him into the blazing heat inside her body. He gasped at the intensity, and the pulsating way her body felt wrapped tight around him._

_“Please, Oliver,” she whispered, her voice trembling and soft, “Now.”_  
_“God, Felicity…,” his voice cracked around her name, his heart ached with every syllable spoken, “I love you.”_  
_“Shhh,” she whispered and rolled her hips in an exquisite, graceful movement that took his breath away. She understood his body and the effect hers had on him._

_With every quiver and movement she made, he dove deeper into her until finally he gripped her tight and let his orgasm come, emptying himself with a deep, rumbling groan that he felt in every bone in his body. Before he could move, he felt more than heard, Felicity begin to weep as though her heart had been cleaved in half. Shifting slowly onto his side, he held her tight and let her cry, There was nothing he could say, no magic words to ease the pain. All he could do was listen to the forlorn way she wept for their lost future and hold on to the hope that she would find him when the time was right._

_Mia eventually pulled them back to the present, demanding attention and to be fed. The clock had yet to pass midnight, but they were both exhausted from the emotions of the day. Felicity waited, just to see if the cries they were hearing were truly from a hungry, frustrated baby or if she would quiet down and fade back to sleep._

_“Thank goodness you got that tartufo for extra energy,” she said, her voice thick with emotion._  
_“For you or Mia?” he asked with a soft chuckle._  
_“For us both. Our girl is going to develop a sweet tooth,” she said with a sigh and got up._  
_“Tea?” he asked as he watched her slip on a robe._  
_“Yes, please. Something warm,” and with that she went to calm their squalling daughter._

_Oliver waited until he could hear Felicity over the baby monitor, softly singing to Mia to calm her down before getting up. Tea would only take a moment to make, so before putting the kettle on he relit the gas fireplace and grabbed a thick wool blanket for them to cuddle under. It would be the perfect way to end the night._

_“Well, it would seem she just wanted a snack,” Felicity said lightly as she rejoined him. “What kind of tea did you make?”_  
_“When you said warm, I thought maybe just chia with milk. Seems…comforting on a windy night,” he patted the couch cushion next to him as he spoke._  
_“I think we are in for a storm,” she said, her voice betraying her exhaustion._  
_“I think so. I like storms now,” he said before yawning._  
_“The tea was perfect,” she said, looking up at him, “But...is there any more tartufo left?”_  
_“You wound me, Felicity. To think I would only get two…,” he shook his head in mock disappointment and then got up to grab one of the extras he bought._

_They sat and quietly talked about the day ahead and how she was going to try Mia on the bottle to see if she would take it. Her hope had been to keep breastfeeding for as long as possible but Mia’s appetite was growing faster than she could produce milk. He could tell it saddened her but she was a realist. It had to happen eventually and now was the time to see if they could get Mia comfortable drinking from a bottle and he could feed her which secretly made him happy._

_Pulling Felicity a little closer, they sat back on the couch and dozed off listening to the wind scrape past the house. Winter was giving way to spring but not without a fight. Oliver pushed thoughts of the Monitor from his mind and focused on the woman in his arms instead._


	7. Hemeroscopium

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is a lot of loaded sadness and angst in this chapter but also sexy humour and love.  
> Both Oliver and Felicity spend time brushing up against memories but never really diving in because of the pain of simply remembering the potential of what their future could have been before the bullshit COIE rose up.
> 
> I seriously HATE that entire storyline.

**Chapter 6**  
Hemeroscopium

_She blazed hot_   
_The brightest object in the night sky_   
_His North Star._

Felicity watched her daughter stretch in the backyard while Nyssa instructed her on the benefits of being able to run not just fast, but for long stretches of time at top speed. Mia had just finished her fifteen mile long run but her warrior aunt was not pleased with the time she turned in. The rest of their training session that afternoon involved wind sprints, weapons training and then a series of strength training exercises that pushed Mia to exhaustion.

Dripping with sweat, Mia drank a litre of water and ate a banana on her way to have a shower. Felicity called after her to leave her clothes outside the door. They were filthy after that workout session but it had done its trick. Mia would be asleep before the sun set and be out until at least eight am the following morning.

She thanked Nyssa for doing as she asked without asking why. The older woman suspected it had to do with Oliver but wisely kept her thoughts to herself. She was supportive and kind with Felicity and fierce and protective with Mia. Despite the violence entwined in how they met, not to mention the forced marriage to Oliver made necessary by her misogynist, homophobic father in order to ultimately defeat him, they had forged an unlikely friendship.

Nyssa, though she would not admit it unless pressed, genuinely cared about them both and made sure there was always someone checking on them, seeing to their safety when they ventured into Bloomfield or beyond. Felicity was both touched and deeply grateful to Nyssa for the love and care she was showing her by training Mia and protecting them when needs be.

Deep down, Felicity felt only sadness that their lives required Mia to be trained by an assassin in order for her to be safe enough to survive in the future. She had hoped for so much different and still mourned the loss of that life with Oliver at the centre of it. Their time together had been so brutally cut short. If she managed to meet him again, they would be strangers to one another. It was earth shattering to her to think that one day she could look into his eyes and see a stranger looking back.

“Mom, I am STARVING,” Mia said with a dramatic sigh.  
“Well, it’s a good thing I have dinner ready in the fridge,” she said with a smile, turning to see her freshly showered daughter sitting at the kitchen island.  
“What you buy?” she asked, reaching for a carrot stick from Felicity’s plate.  
“Your favourite,” Felicity said with a flourish as she brought out a giant sub sandwich. It was a treat for her after the marathon training session.  
“No. Way.” Mia said in disbelief and reached for the plate her mom had prepared for her.

The sub was also designed to send her daughter to sleep. It was loaded with turkey, bacon, avocado, tomatoes, pickles, cucumbers, spinach and havarti, provolone and cheddar cheese. It was almost too big and Oliver would have cringed as she ate it but Mia’s metabolism could deal with it. Taking a huge bite of it, Mia moaned in delight.

“I am going to sleep for a week,” she said.  
“Promise?” Felicity teased.  
“Mom,” she said as she rolled her eyes, “You would miss me.”

Laughing, Felicity sat down next to her and ate her dinner. It was simpler, a cheese omelette with cut veggies, and nowhere near as filling as the dinner her daughter was enjoying. There was dessert as well, mocha and cream pudding with strawberries, but that was for later if Mia managed to stay awake.

“I think I am going to go to bed early tonight,” Mia said, her voice betraying her encroaching exhaustion.  
“Nyssa really worked you hard today, didn’t she?”  
“The next time she comes, she wants me to train at night. WITH weapons,” Mia couldn’t conceal the excitement in her voice. She loved every moment of her training sessions even if they left her exhausted.  
“Well, let’s hope the moon is out,” Felicity teased knowing that was the opposite of what both of her warrior women would want.  
“Total darkness, mom. So she will be back when the moon is NOT in the sky.”  
“Go put your workout clothes in the dryer and meet me on the couch for a movie. How about ‘Us’?” she suggested.  
“Perfect! Be right there!”

She watched her daughter hustle down the hall and before cleaning up the dinner plates and glasses. She was still not so good at the cooking end of things but she was improving a bit at a time. At least now she could make an omelette without burning both the pan and the eggs.

As she suspected, Mia started to doze off early. By nine, she was unable to keep herself awake and stumbled down the hall to her bedroom after a mumbled goodnight. Felicity waited another hour, just to be sure that her daughter was deeply asleep, and then quietly went about turning off the lights in the living room, folding the long finished laundry and made sure the kitchen was clean, a habit left over from Oliver.

What she was really doing, if she were honest with herself, was drawing it out just to calm her nerves. She wanted to use the manipulator but was so afraid it would burn out, short circuit or blow up on her desk. As it was, she still had to program in the coordinates for it find the Monitor on the furthest reaches of the galaxy. Maybe not even THIS galaxy. But she needed to try and fretting about it would accomplish exactly nothing.

Pausing outside of Mia’s door, she listened and was rewarded with the soft snoring of a young woman completely exhausted and asleep. Smiling, she entered her bedroom, closed her door and slipped into the bunker via her closet. With a quick tap, she pulled up a screen that allowed her to watch the hallway. If Mia woke up and started towards her room, she would be able to see and make a quick escape.

With a deep breath, she connected the device to her computer and began to input the coordinates to the nebula she had grown to love. It didn’t take long but she checked it over and over, just to be sure she had it correct. Oliver would be laughing at her self doubt, telling her it was correct because she was Felicity Megan Smoak.

Removing the device from the socket she had created for it to interface with her computer, she set it up on its stand and then got herself ready. It felt foolish to check her clothes and hair but it had been over fifteen years since she had laid eyes on Oliver and she wanted to look like herself, to look her best.

“It’s now or never,” she muttered to herself as she took a seat in front of it the device.

With trembling fingers, she carefully tapped a series of commands into her tablet and the device turned on. It took a few minutes to properly connect to the quantum field but once it did, it began to glow a deep purple and emit a low, rumbling hum. It reverberated in the soundproof room, she could feel it in her bones.

The device flashed and the fabric of time and space ripped in front of her eyes. Gradually, the rip widened until the portal was stable and open. Felicity waited, hoping she had gotten everything correct and she would finally see her husband again. But the portal remained silent and all she could see was a field of stars.

“Hello?” she called quietly, “I’m here and I don’t know how long this will last.”  
“Hello, Felicity,” came the deep, timeless voice of the Monitor. “Congratulations on creating a quantum field manipulator that works so efficiently. There is no other working device on any world or in any universe.”  
“One of a kind,” she muttered,”Great.”

There was a burst of static and Felicity feared she had lost them but the portal stabilized itself, maintaining its size and strength. She had figured out how to reach across the cosmos to a specific location. Springing to her feet, she took a couple of hesitant steps towards the portal with fingers crossed and waited to hear his voice.

“Keep back, Felicity. The portal is stable but it is not advisable to get to close to its gravitational pull. You have created a version of a black hole,” the Monitor advised, halting her progress, “When you are ready, use this device to send a signal to these same coordinates. I will hear it no matter where I am. When you do this, I will come for you and bring you to Oliver.”  
“Is Oliver with you? Is...is he still alive?” she asked quietly.  
“He is but he is not with me. He is in another universe. But know, when you signal for me to return to your planet, I will not be able to return you to this place,” he warned.  
“I understand. Where should I go? Is there any place I should be to signal you?” she asked.  
“The road outside your home. I will find you there.”

She was bitterly disappointed that Oliver wasn’t there but understood why. In his separation from his family, he would be resolute and determined in his mission. He would make sure to remain alive, to fight to save the universe and to try to find his way to her. She also understood that being with Oliver again meant leaving everything here. Everything except one thing, not including her wedding ring.

“Tell him that I will rejoin him only when I know our daughter is able to hold her own without me,” she said softly, “and when I do rejoin him, it will be for forever.”  
“I will tell him,” the voice she heard was softer, less authoritative. “He misses you, Mia and William. He will not die.”  
“I thought you saw his death,” she said.  
“I did but he has changed his future,” the Monitor said. “He is an impressive man.”  
“Yes, he is,” she agreed quietly and smiled thinking about Oliver’s ferocity when challenged in this way.  
“As are you, Felicity. You are with him here and it keeps him alive.” there was a burst of static and his voice was momentarily drowned out.  
“I should turn this off before it explodes,” Felicity said quickly. “Until we meet again.”  
“Farewell, Felicity, I look forward to it.”

And with that, the Monitor was gone, the portal closed and her device powered down, leaving her sitting in the silent room, surrounded by her computers. She had surrounded everything in the room with materials to buffer sound and heat. It was cold, silent and yet contained everything she needed to find Oliver. Her hands were shaking and she wasn’t sure if she wanted to cry or scream.

Examining the device, she could find no loose connections, the casing had stayed intact and it was cool to the touch. She had succeeded beyond her wildest dreams in making something she could never share. It was tech that was hard to understand let alone reproduce but it was elegant, small, and could be used more than once.

Mia was slowly approaching adulthood with the ability to defend herself against the world but she wasn’t ready yet. Felicity wasn’t sure how she would know when it was time, but when it arrived she would have to grab the moment and go. So between now and then, she needed to make sure both her children were ready for life without her and Oliver. William was doing phenomenally well and Mia, when she turned twenty one she would have access to a trust fund that would grow so large, she would never have to work in her life time.

When the time came, she would know and if she was honest with Mia, she would understand. She had promised Oliver to love their kids and keep them safe, to protect them until they could protect themselves. Then, and only then, would it be her turn to take care of herself. It was something she selfishly longed for. To wake up knowing he was there, to feel that sense of joy and lightness that came from being near him, to know there would be no more missions. It would be like taking a deep breath and slowly letting it go over and over.

For now, she needed to fill her nights with something else. A purpose that was solely her own. To that end, she turned her attention to the problem of Alena and the vanishing act she pulled with Archer. The program was being used in a way that made her skin crawl and she was slowly getting closer to eliminating it for good. But to do so, she would need to take on a new moniker and luckily, she could borrow her dad’s old one and become the Calculator.

The time would come when she would need to venture out into the world, most likely Star City or the Glades, and try to find muscle in case something went wrong. John would be deeply unhappy with her but she knew he had Connor watching Mia whenever she went into town on her own. He was careful to keep his distance but she knew and it would only be a matter of time before Mia did.

Before shutting down for the night, she double checked to be sure that the coordinates hadn’t changed on the device and locked it away in its specially designed case. No dust could get in and no bomb could destroy it. It was safer than the Crown jewels. She had designed it and crafted it with the tools at hand in Oliver’s old workshop at the back of their property.

She had left it alone, trying not to disturb anything he had been working on. There were three small boxes on a shelf, one with her initials, one with Mia’s and one with William’s engraved on the top. They looked finished, complete. Like something was inside them ready to be revealed. The day she discovered them had been a difficult one, Mia had been teething and in a furious state. Neither one of them had slept in almost two days.

The sight of them had knocked the wind out of her and she switched to automatic, turned out the light and left the small building, forgetting what she had been looking for. Mia must have sensed the change in her because she settled down and finally, mercifully, fell asleep. Felicity had laid down on the floor beside her daughter’s crib and silently cried until she, too, fell asleep.

The boxes had remained on the shelf for twelve years, hidden behind a toolbox she had placed in front of them to prevent Mia from finding them. When Mia turned sixteen, she had moved hers and William’s to a safety deposit box with the instructions they be given to them in the event of her death.

She had no idea what was in them but she suspected they were arrowhead necklaces, engraved with a message or date. Oliver had been so careful, so exact, in how he made things like that. But they were for Mia and William’s eyes only. It was something their father had made for them and she wanted them to have that gift in private, away from prying eyes and having to share with others. Her own box remained sealed in the drawer with the shell and she would only open it when she was with Oliver.

Powering down her computer, she silently left the inner bunker and flopped into bed. She felt like she had done the run with Mia. Twenty years ago, she would have celebrated the event that just happened inside her house. Celebrated long into the night with Oliver and John. What she had achieved had never been done before in any universe. She had ripped a hole through time and space in order to find Oliver and when the time was right, she would do so again.

Exhausted, she pulled the covers up and waited for sleep to find her. She never knew if sleep would find her. There were days when it would come and go in a blink of the eye and others where not even her alarm clock could rouse her awake. She wasn’t as young as she used to be and all nighters would soon have to become a thing of the past.

She was drifting off to sleep when a stray thought crossed her mind: what if Oliver hadn’t aged in all the time he was gone? Would he love her even though she had?

_That night she dreamed about falling through space. She would start the manipulator and then step through it’s portal into the vast universe on the other side. Falling through galaxies, she searched for Oliver, calling his name over and over. But her voice bounced off of asteroids and echoed through the cosmos. He was nowhere to be found, not a trace left of him having even been there. She would never stop looking and was willing to burn through the energy of 10 000 stars to find him._

_She explored planets, nebulae and star clusters. Every corner of her universe that she could reach, calling his name, but only silence accompanied her on her journey. At some point, she began to cry. Her tears floated behind her, tiny jewels that glittered against the black velvet expanse of space. Sobbing, she was about to dive headfirst into a nearby star when she was awoken by a gentle shift in the mattress beneath her. Her cheeks were wet from crying and her daughter was holding her tight._

“It’s ok, mom,” Mia said, her voice thick from sleep or shared grief. Felicity was afraid to turn and see which was true. “It’s ok.”  
“I’m sorry,” she said, tears still pouring down her cheeks, “You weren’t ever supposed to hear.”  
“But I do and it’s ok, I know you miss him.”

Felicity said nothing. She made the decision in that moment not to shield Mia from the pain she still felt at the loss of Oliver and to celebrate his memory more in the open and not in hushed conversations in the middle of the night. Her own mother had hid so much from her as she was growing up that she never had a chance to know how to process the loss of her own father. She saw anger from her mom but never any of the pain of loss of love and security. Felicity could show her daughter the value of strength but she could also show her that the experience of loss didn’t have to break her. By holding it in for the last fifteen years, she had lost sight of that powerful teaching.

“I do and I know I have never really shown you just how much,” Felicity said softly.  
“I can see it, mom,” Mia said, her voice quiet and sad, “You don’t hide it nearly as well as you think.”  
“I never did have a poker face,” she chuckled without much humour. “He was the love of my life, Mia. I’m sorry I’ve not really said that out loud to you before.”  
“I’ve known that for as long as I can remember. Can I sleep here tonight?” Mia asked, almost hesitantly, like Felicity might say no.  
“I would like that very much,” she said as fresh tears slowly dripped off her cheeks.

Closing her eyes, Felicity relaxed her grip on her sheets and calmed herself by doing the breathing trick Oliver had taught her after she was shot. Seven short minutes passed and she was calm enough to hand herself over to the Sandman with the silent plea that her dreams remain silent so that all she experienced would be oblivion.

She envisioned gentle blue eyes lingering on hers, Oliver’s soft voice and the warmth of his body. The comfort this brought her kept her from diving into the empty pool of depression. She would never resurface if she did and Mia needed her, at least for a little while longer. Felicity listened to her daughter’s slow, deep breathing and followed her down the path towards sleep.

 

_**The Day the Dinosaurs Died, Con’t, Part 6** _

_One day, close to the end, Mia awoke from her afternoon nap with a small sigh. Oliver had just come in from his workshop and was in the middle of changing when he heard her kicking and talking to her hands. She was fascinated by how her fingers moved and in her own self created language, would tell them stories and jokes. But the fascination never lasted long and soon she would ball them into fists and jam them in her mouth before wailing to be fed._

_Felicity had dropped into a deep, motionless sleep the moment she sat down. Mia had kept her up first wanting to be fed then not, and then cycling through that little game for hours until he was worried Felicity was the one who would be in tears, howling her discontent. Somehow, they worked together and Mia fell asleep for a few hours before dawn, giving them time to relax enough for a long nap._

_He was still used to catching snippets of sleep when he could find them. No matter how tired he actually was, he could spring awake at a moment’s notice. Quietly, he made his way to Mia’s room and picked her up. She giggled at him and it filled his heart with more love than he thought possible. He had gotten so lucky to find Felicity when he did but when she turned her eyes and heart to him, the universe had opened up all around him and he saw the beauty in being alive. Mia added to that joy, making living in the moment all that more important._

_Mia had taken to bottle feeding without any issue. Her appetite had grown overnight and she was beginning to reach towards their plates when she was up with them at meal times. Oliver had grinned at Felicity. They had a bet going to see when she would begin eating food and he suspected he was going to win it. He only hoped he was still there, in the same galaxy and on the same earth, when she actually did._

_Now, as she sucked on her fists, her cheeks growing red with frustration, he assured her he would get her bottle ready and she would get her meal. Her eyes were wide open and bluer than both her parent’s eyes. Oliver was sure she could see through him, that she understood who he was and that his heart belonged to her and her mother._

_“Some days, I forget that I once gave up on living,” he whispered to her, “and that is because of your mom. She brought you into the world and I can’t imagine ever being that man again. You, your brother, your mom...I would give my life to save yours. I promise.”_

_Mia’s eyes slowly drooped and soon she was asleep. Carefully, Oliver shifted her so that her head was on his bare shoulder. She needed to burp or there would be hell to pay later. Gently, he rocked her and patted her back until he heard her quietly burp and then she settled back to sleep. He wandered through the house, not wanting to put her down, and eventually eased himself down onto the window seat in their bedroom._

_The clouds were gathering, deep grey and roiling across the sky, and the wind was picking up. The house was solid and warm, but still he shivered just a tiny bit, anticipating the shift in weather that was coming. That was how Felicity found them an hour later, cuddled up under a blanket, Mia asleep and him watching the leaves tumble across the yard._

_“Hey,” she said, with a small, sleepy smile._   
_“Hey,” he said quietly, returning the smile._   
_“She have a snack?”_   
_“She had a whole meal,” he said, his voice betraying his pride._   
_“You love being able to feed her now,” Felicity teased, coming over to kiss him on the top of his head, “I think I am out of a job.”_   
_“Never,” he said, looking up at her, “There is always the laundry.”_   
_“Oliver Jonas Queen. When that baby is in her crib, we are going to have a chat,” she said in faux seriousness. She turned around to leave, pointedly walking past the laundry basket as she did._   
_“Won’t you be too busy matching socks and folding my shirts?” he called after her quietly, feigning innocence. He almost choked on his laugh when she turned and pinned him with a look that would have had Prometheus running for his life._

_A few minutes later, Oliver carefully laid his deeply asleep daughter in her crib. It was only mid afternoon and she was still sleeping long hours at a time but at all the wrong times. Running the tips of his fingers lightly over her cheeks, she didn’t budge. He hoped she would wake up soon so that she would sleep the entire night. With a small kiss to the top of her head, he left the room, closing the door only part of the way behind him._

_“Have a good nap?” he asked as he pulled on a clean tshirt and headed for the fridge. He was starving from working on the surprise gifts he was making for his small family. William, Mia and Felicity would all be getting a similar gift from him in the near future. If he had to go before they were given, he hoped Felicity would find them and make sure they got to them._

_“I did. I was...I am exhausted,” she said sheepishly, her tablet on her lap. It was open to a schematic for Archer that she hoped would be a good failsafe for police to use._   
_“I’ll make something good for dinner. But before that…snack?” he asked, holding up fruit and yogurt._   
_“A famous Oliver Queen yogurt parfait?” he asked._   
_“Perfect. Thank you,” she said with a sigh._   
_“Go and relax. I’ll have these ready in a few minutes.”_

_He watched her sit back down on the couch, tablet forgotten, and smiled. He would pamper her as often as he could until he was gone. She would be on her own for decades and unable to do this without real effort, her cooking skills were still rudimentary at best. Absentmindedly, he wondered if he should set up a delivery service with one of those companies that specialized in pre-made meals just so she wouldn’t have to think about it for a few months. Cooking was still not something she could do with any kind of ease._

_“Here ya go,” he said quietly, handing her a small bowl._   
_“Mmm strawberries and pistachios,” she hummed, “my favourite.”_   
_“Which part?” he teased._   
_“All the parts,” she laughed quietly before digging in._

_Oliver reached for his phone and started up a playlist they hadn’t listened to in a long time. He had made it in Positano with the help of an older Italian couple. Felicity was off shopping down a lane lined with boutiques and he had found a cafe, high above the harbour, to watch the boats drifting on the waves. It was full of old classical and jazz recordings that although in digital format, still managed to retain that special sound only vinyl recordings possessed._

_“Hmmm, I love this playlist,” she hummed, leaning back and closing her eyes. “I loved Positano. Out of all the places we went, it was so...perfect.”_   
_“What about Bali?”_   
_“Bali was sexy...and hot...but Positano was magical,” she said dreamily._   
_“Wanna go back?” he asked softly._   
_“With you and only you,” she replied, her voice tender but sad._

_Felicity leaned against him, closed her eyes and slipped her hand into his. It was rare that they turned on the tv, except to watch a movie or the news, they were content to sit together, talking or listening, finding peace in the silence. Rain had begun to fall and lightning flashed, bright and hot, across the dark grey sky._

_“I wonder if Mia will be one of those babies that can sleep through a storm?”Felicity wondered._   
_“We’ll find out in a few minutes,” he chuckled._   
_“Can you turn on the fireplace? It’s a bit chilly.”_   
_“You got it,” he said and reached for his phone. Felicity had created an app just for them to use that controlled everything in the house. The lights, the air conditioner, the furnace, and the alarm system she had installed._   
_“What if she sleeps all day? We are royally fucked if she does,” she said with a dramatic sigh._   
_“Want me to wake her up?” he said half jokingly._   
_“Mmmmm...no, let’s just...enjoy the storm,” she said softly, resting her head on his shoulder._

_The room warmed up quickly, but they still pulled a blanket around them out of habit. His eyes were beginning to droop closed just as a sudden, loud crash of thunder rolled over the house. He could feel it rattling his bones. They both tensed and waited to see if Mia would wake up but she remained solidly asleep. Felicity let out an audible sigh of relief and settled against him, relaxed and warm._

_“What were you working on in your hidey hole?” she asked, her voice low and soft._   
_“It’s my workshop,” he patiently corrected, “and nothing much. Just making sure my bow is clean and tight.”_   
_“You and I both know that is more than a workshop,” she said with a gentle nudge._   
_“I could turn it into a playhouse for Mia,” he suggested._   
_“I think we should wait to see if she is a playhouse kinda girl or a housebuilding kind of girl,” she said. She had reflected on what to encourage with Mia on more than one occasion when she was still pregnant. Assigning gender roles was not something she necessarily wanted to do just yet._   
_“Ok,” he agreed, “We wait.”_

_The storm showed no signs of moving on and not a single boom of thunder woke Mia up. Oliver felt the weight of his decisions press down on his chest, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath, releasing the sudden anxiety in a slow exhale. Felicity pressed closer to him, once again detecting the tiny shifts in his body and reading them correctly._

_He slipped sideways into a shallow nap. He was aware of the storm, of the way the window behind the kitchen sink rattled just enough for him to hear, of how there was a slight stutter in the fridge when it’s motor kicked in to regulate the temperature. What he wasn’t prepared for was Felicity’s warm hand pushing under his shirt, seeking out his skin. It was a habit of hers that he loved. The contact, skin on skin, grounded them both, now more than ever. Oliver focused on the feeling, how she gently scratched the soft skin above his belly button and tenderly traced a nearby scar. He would need to remember this for the long years to come._

_Listening to the silence between the thunderclaps, Oliver heard a low thrumming. It belonged to nothing they owned, but it was coming from somewhere within the house itself. He suspected it was a warning sound, that the Monitor was coming to take him away. This time, Felicity was ready. She would be equipped to take care of both their children well into the future, raising Mia to be as strong and capable as she was._

_The heat of her touch lulled him into an almost fugue state. He was less aware of the storm and more aware of her. She smelled fresh and earthy. It was easy to drift towards Bali memories when she smelled like coconuts and shea but the image he found was of her washing her hair in the stream that ran beside their campsite in Mesa Verde. It had been the first stop on their trip around the world, after trading in the Porsche for a Jeep, and he felt as though he were spying a celestial being in human form._

_He had thought she was beautiful from the moment they met, but in that moment she had transcended what that meant. He would never forget the way it seemed the sun was shining out of her, how she glowed and pulsed with life. That entire experience had reaffirmed for him that Felicity was it for him. Despite all that followed, he remained committed to her in his mind and heart. He had so many regrets, but loving her would never, ever be one of them._

_“What am I going to do without you?” she asked in a voice barely above a whisper._   
_“Live. Survive. Be who you are,” he answered just as softly, his attention still focused inward, trying to grasp the memory from so long ago._

_Felicity shifted away from him and he felt her weight across his body and her hands cradling his face. He opened up his eyes and saw her. Just her. The rest of the world fell away as he followed the sensual curve of her lips, the shining intensity of her eyes and the heat of her body where they connected skin to skin._

_Without a word, she kissed him, Tenderly at first but it grew deeper, almost desperate. It was instinct to wrap his arms around her, pulling her as close to him as he could. Her hands slipped between their bodies and she tugged on his waistband. There was an urgency to her movements, so he lifted his hips, allowing her to slip his pants past his hips. In a flash, she removed her own._

_“I am thankful that Mia is such a deep sleeper,” he murmured, his lips against her neck._   
_“Me, too,” she breathed, hot and lush across his skin, “But let’s be quick.”_

_She lowered her hips and slowly, her skin lubricious and slick, moved up and down the shaft of his cock. He felt the slippery, wet heat of her and heard her soft sighs brush past his ears. She brought her hands up to his face and tilted his head back so she could look into his eyes, all the while maintaining the undulating rhythm of her hips moving against him._

_“Never forget this,” she whispered, her lips hovering above his, “Remember how it feels when you first push inside me.”_   
_“God, Felicity,” he gasped and then fell silent as she guided him in, one gentle thrust at a time. It was intoxicating and overrode all his senses._

_There was nothing in all the universes that could ever take this sensory memory from him. He closed his eyes and focused on every sinuous move, touch and sound. She was molten hot, her body still adjusting in temperature since Mia’s birth, and she had full control of him. She was the only woman who had been able to breathe fire into him, melting the walls that encased his heart, and pull him fully into the light. He owed her his life ten times over._

_He lifted his hands up her arms, feeling the electric current between them, and the tingle that rushed over his skin. Being with her never made him feel reduced or inadequate, it was the reverse of that. He felt renewed, whole and that no matter the sins of his past, she was the promise of his future. The Monitor was wrong. He would survive the war he was duty bound to fight because at the end of it all would be her._

_Wrapping his arms around her, he moved his hips in time with hers, feeling the perfect fit of their bodies. She gripped him hard, trembling and pulsing in time to the thunder and lightning, murmuring words of love, binding him body and soul to her and her alone. Her orgasm roared through her, rumbling the earth beneath their home. Her thighs pressed tight against his own and time fell away._

_“I love you, Felicity,” he said, his heart stretched close to bursting. He couldn’t say what was burning a hole through him, that without her, he would be half a man pretending to be whole._

_His cock throbbed inside her, an exquisite pleasure wrapped up in the peace on earth that was her, and he raced towards his release, pouring himself out in her as she soothed him with quiet promises and words of love that etched themselves on his heart. There were secret words they said only to each other, ones he barely let himself think about and never said aloud unless she was with him. He spoke them now, fearing it would be his last opportunity._

_This is what love is, he thought, where we have our own secret language no one else can hear and not even the universe can keep us apart._

_He slipped one hand between them and used the other to hold her tight while he stroked her clit in a firm, insistent rhythm. She clung to him, a small moan escaped her lips, her body pulsing in one long, mesmerizing climax that left her unable to move. They remained entwined, content, her hair loose and flowing over his shoulders, breathing as one._

_The world came back to them in pieces. First the sound of the rain on the roof, then the wind as it scraped past the house in search of wide open spaces, then the thunder and lightning, followed by the sound of an infant beginning the long, painful process of waking up. It was like they were emerging from a cocoon, wobbly on their legs and overwhelmed by the intensity of the life they shared._

_“I guess we timed that just right,” she sighed._   
_“We did,” he chuckled softly, “Let’s let her really wake up before one of us gets up to get her.”_   
_“We should have a bath later,” she said suddenly, “Like we used to. We have that ridiculous tub and barely use it.”_   
_“Yes. I would like that very much,” he murmured. He kissed the soft skin on her neck, feeling her shiver as his breath crossed the gentle slope of her collar bone and memorized the way her hair felt across his skin._

_Mia let out a loud squall, more a demand for her parents to get up and see what she wanted, and they both laughed quietly at their daughter’s powerful cries. Felicity slowly got up, located her pants and made her way into Mia’s room, asking her what she needed. The cries stopped almost immediately and the soft, tinkling laughter began as Felicity worked her magic._

_It was almost enviable how Mia would zero in on Felicity when she woke up, only calming down at her mother’s touch. Their connection was beautiful, gentle and so full of love and devotion, he felt like an outsider looking in. But then Felicity would reach out to him, pulling him into their bubble, making him part of the foundation of their family._

_He would miss making memories with them. He could feel them, already half formed, and he would catch himself drifting through his mind in search of a fragment of something not yet made. He wondered if Felicity was doing the same thing. He would catch her watching him with Mia, her eyes distant but a small smile on her lips. When she snapped back to reality, her eyes carried a sadness that she tried to hide. She never shared what she saw or thought about and he never pressed her to reveal whatever she thought she was lost in._

_The day carried forward, both of them relaxed and in sync with each other. Mia picked up on their shared energy and spent the afternoon and evening laughing and playing with her toys. It allowed Oliver and Felicity to spend time with her and each other as a small, loving family. They decided to eat dinner on the living room floor, like it was a picnic, listening to music, singing to Mia, and watching the storm outside._

_When she started to fuss, rubbing her eyes and yawning, Oliver picked her up and held her so that her head was resting over his heart. Quietly, he told her about the day the dinosaurs died. He repeated all the things Felicity had told him but added his own small details, secrets for her remember years from now, when she was grown up and ready to create her own world._

_When she finally settled and fell asleep, Oliver cradled her against him, memorizing the way she felt so snug and warm, and the small sounds she made as her dreams took shape and form. He knew he would never see her first steps, hear her first words, or even her first birthday. He was being robbed of a relationship with his daughter, his son and his wife. The rising bitterness in his chest pushed out of his body and Mia sensed it. She kicked and squirmed, her tiny fists hitting him as her body jerked away from his._

_Tenderly, he laid her down in her crib and waited for her to settle back down before leaving the room. He waited a moment more and when he was sure she was asleep and then quietly made his exit. Felicity was in their master bath waiting for him to join her. She had lit a couple of candles but only a few so as to not obstruct their view of the sky through the skylights above._

_There was no need for her to seduce him but he followed her lead. The subtle touches as they shared the bath, the quiet conversations about Mia and who she might be, about the house they wanted to build for themselves, the cabin surrounded by the sounds of birds, water and wind, her business and what he might do once his mission was done. They were both holding tight to him surviving the coming storm._

_Between all the conversations, their bodies spoke their own language. The desperate urgency of the afternoon was replaced with a need just to feel each others skin, to express joy and love through action, connection. He reveled in the velvet soft skin of her inner thighs, in the silky wet heat that greeted his tongue, and the simple beauty of her voice saying his name._

_They ignored the call of sleep and instead wrapped around one another, pushing each other, testing boundaries in their erotic journey through the night. Somehow, they both knew the end was coming soon, that this might be the last time to find those moments of explosive joy in the joining of their bodies. So instead of seeking dreams and rest, they sought the next time and the time after that, until exhaustion demanded they stop and find solace and peace in each others arms._

_Somewhere before dawn, she told him about the ancient Greek idea of the Hemeroscopium. It is a place where the sun sets, an allusion to a region that exists only in our minds, senses, that is ever-changing and mutable but is still very real. It is bound to the horizon, by the physical limits, defined by light, and it happens in time._

_She asked him to go to that place in his mind and heart, to find her that space, waiting for him no matter the day or time or where in the vast universe he was. That he would find her there and with a simple kiss, she forged the link for him, connecting that space in his mind directly to her._

_Right before he finally fell asleep, he thought about how if she ever needed him, he would fight to bend time and space to cross the universe to help her. But he knew she would burn through all the stars in the galaxy to find him when the time was right. Her mind, her brilliance was second to none and when that time came, he would have that home she wanted to build ready for her because the next night, as they planned a way to bring William back into their lives, the Monitor arrived._

_Because just like that, he was gone._


	8. Synchronicity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter does a bit of mental gymnastics and makes an assumption about how the show will end.
> 
> I focus on what I think happens between the goodbye at the graveside with Felicity, Mia and William and Felicity leaving with the Monitor. It's how she leaves that I focus on, how it is promise she is determined to honor not matter what.
> 
> For Oliver's part, I have opted against a timeline reset and am looking to the comics as a way for him to have survived COIE (which I LOATHE). He is in a bubble universe on a planet that mimics earth but isn't earth. I don't delve too deeply into that fact just yet.
> 
> There isn't much by way of expressive joy here, but a lot of angst and longing. It sets up the final chapter of this fic and my writing for Olicity until the end of season 8. 
> 
> The poem quoted is:  
> "When I Die I Want Your Hands on My Eyes", from the book, Poetry of Pablo Neruda, 1979.

**Chapter 7**

**Synchronicity**

_She wanted his hands_   
_folded over her heart_   
_and his lips pressed to hers._

 

Felicity stood in front of her living room window in complete silence. The house was empty, of belongings and residents. Mia had left three years ago, angry and confused as to why her mother had kept the biggest secret she could ever keep from her, and betrayed every ounce of her trust. It had broken her heart, that everything she had done to protect her daughter from the violence and evil of the life she had left behind twenty years ago had been for nothing in the end, but she had let her go to forge her own path.

It wasn’t like she wasn’t keeping tabs on her. Mia had tried to hide her tracks but in her haste to run away to Star City, she forgot that her mother could find a needle in a haystack the size of the Grand Canyon. It had taken her exactly an hour to find her and an hour to hide her from the Archer program so that it would have no idea she existed. It would take continuous monitoring to ensure she stayed hidden but nothing could stop her from doing so.

She knew she had made mistakes along the way in raising Mia, but she had been left alone with an infant on the edge of a new city, far from home, family and friends. But Felicity had made sure Oliver was infused in every moment of Mia’s life growing up. So much so, that she had inherited his resolve, his drive, and both of their tempers. She was tiny, like her mom, but powerfully strong, like her dad. Mia was the perfect combination of them both and it filled her with an unreasonable amount of pride to know she was a young woman who stood by her principles.

She knew about the underground fights and how hard Mia trained to win them against much larger opponents. It had been her that provided the directions to the space Mia lived in. Granted, she had used a nameless proxy to deliver the information. She knew Mia would explore Star City. Get a feel for the hard edges and the soft corners. It would only be a matter of time before she drifted towards the ruins of Queen Mansion and seek out her father’s grave. Everyone believed Oliver to be buried there. Diggle had arranged for the stone to be laid and an empty coffin buried deep in the earth without any fanfare or service. He wasn’t dead but she needed everyone to think he was so that they would stop looking for her.

Only Diggle knew the truth, and by extension Lyla, but no one else. It could be possible that Oliver had crossed back and forth through time and space and encountered others, but so far as she knew, no one knew of his actual location. And now, with the final destruction of Archer, no one would ever find her daughter and chosen son.

Felicity continued her walk through the empty house, the floorboards creaking slightly under her feet. She put her hands in her coat pockets and felt for the two small wooden boxes, one in each pocket. They were the only things she was taking from this life, the only things she could think of that mattered enough to come back for.

The house never really belonged to her or Oliver. It was an ARGUS safe house that they had inhabited for only a few months before Mia was born and then he was gone. Diggle arranged for her to be able to stay for as long as she wanted to, even if that meant decades. The house became her refuge, the safest place she knew, the safest place she made, and she cocooned Mia in its embrace, shielding her from the world as best she could.

She held on so tight, too tight, but they had moments of joy, of familial love and a bond she knew was unbreakable, even with Mia leaving home so unexpectedly. When the time was right, she sent a message to William that would start them moving back towards each other. All three of them. Looking back, sending Oliver’s bow to Lian Yu had been the wisest decision she had made in a long time. It had been a necessary step in the long game she had to play to gain control of Archer.

Walking down the hall, she trailed her fingertips lightly on the walls, feeling the texture and coolness of the paint. Flashes of memories reached for her, they flared bright before winking out. Over and over, her mind struggled to hold onto them just long enough to remember. Mia laughing and running down the hall, Nyssa scowling in the kitchen, the night she and Oliver danced down the hallway to her bedroom, the stories they shared under the night sky.

Tiny snippets of conversation drifted past her ears, the warmth of his voice echoing off the walls. She thought of the home they had wanted to make, of having William rejoin them, of having one more child. He was going to finally teach her how to cook and she was going to show him how to hack into Star Labs. She smiled at that memory and how they laughed about what Cisco’s reaction would be.

Mia’s room was the second largest bedroom in the house with big windows that faced the backyard. Outlines of posters could still be seen on the walls and the large gouge in the wall next to the closet door caused by a knife throwing accident. Felicity had forbade weapons in the house but sometimes the excitement of a new skill overrode Mia’s common sense and she would damage some inanimate object on the wall or floor. Or sometimes, just the wall.

Leaving her daughter’s long abandoned room, she made her way to the now dismantled inner sanctum. Not even a cable was left behind so thorough was her clean up of her computers and servers. She had never been hacked and had never had any information leak out accidentally. DIggle was in for a surprise in a few short hours as all of her tech was on a truck bound for him and Lyla. Now that they were no longer with ARGUS, it was safe to share with them not only the specs for her inventions but for a security platform that could never, ever be used like Archer had been.

She had embedded several key algorithms into the coding that would make it virtually impossible to augment. There was nothing so simple or beautiful as a self destruct code that could wipe out a life’s time of work. It was elegant. Graceful and timeless. No one, not even William, would be able to stop it. It was corrosive like acid and would wipe out 90% of the program in a millisecond.

The bunker was where she went when she needed to find that place of light, her own Hemeroscopium. She would search for Oliver in tiny bits of code, in the data her satellites would send back to her, in the files she kept from her previous life. Hoping that somewhere was a clue on where he was and how he was doing. It would have appeared futile to anyone else but Oliver. Of all the people in the Universe, he was the only one who _knew_ what she was doing.

Stepping across the now revealed threshold, she continued her silent journey through the empty house. Glancing down, she spotted the scrape in the hardwood floor from the night she had given birth. Oliver had jumped up so fast when she said her water had broken, that he had sent his chair flying backwards, its back legs dragging across the shiny floor.

It had been her choice to have a home birth. Not just because of safety concerns but because she wanted it to just be her and Oliver in a space she was familiar with, not a busy, soulless hospital. He hadn’t been sure, but that night after Mia had made her way into the world all red faced and crying, he had seen why she insisted. He had carried them both to the living room and they spent that first night as a family sitting in front of the fire, wrapped in blankets, watching the faint traces of the northern lights through the picture window.

She had fallen desperately in love with her daughter that night and even deeper in love with him. They had laughed and cried and celebrated the tiny, new life held between them. They were still terrified of what parenthood meant but they talked about it, not hiding from the fears, the hopes, the joy and trepidation of just what it would mean to their day to day lives. She remembered the soft promises he made, whispering them to Mia when he thought she was still asleep and smiled, knowing he was as dedicated to their life as she was.

But there had been arguments and skirmishes, and the walls held those ghosts close. They were oily and dark, oozing from the cracks in the plaster and floorboards. She remembered a huge blow out with a hormonal teenager. Mia was determined to paint her room black and had reacted to the ‘no’ from her mom as though she were denying her air. It had been loud, histrionic and completely in line with a 14 year old testing boundaries and not wanting to give in even though she knew it would be a huge mistake to paint all her walls black on a whim.

Felicity laughed at the memory now but had been furious with Mia and how she had slammed her door and shouted horrible things through it. No one on earth could hurt a mother like her daughter could. It was something her mom had said once and she understood it then as Mia's rage lashed out at her, finding every soft spot on her heart to land.

The apology tour the next day had been one that Mia had thought through carefully. She especially felt ashamed for saying she was glad her dad had left them, had left her. Felicity had wept in private after that shouted insult. Of all the things she could have said, that one cut the deepest and left a wound that took days to scab over and Mia knew it.

Opening the back door, she went out to sit on the stairs. It was chilly out, she could smell rain on the wind, and it was getting dark but she wanted to see the backyard, the trees and sky. She loved this space and thought of all the plans they had for it. From extending the deck to building an office for her out next to his workshop.

The wind picked up just enough to swirl the mist that was hugging the ground. She watched forms take shape and then dissolve. She saw Nyssa training Mia in the backyard, Oliver calmly walking his infant daughter around and around, gently rocking her to sleep. The sound of the wind echoed off of the mist and she heard Oliver’s laugh and Mia’s voice calling to her to come look at some new punch or kick combo she had learned.

There was so much joy and sadness wrapped around the property, she could feel its cold embrace, its warm breath on her neck. Twenty years of loneliness and well intentioned mistakes roared in her head and she bowed her head and cried. Not because she was leaving it all behind, but because she had no choice in the making of them all. Of raising a daughter alone. Of missing her husband every single day without any change in intensity. It burned a hole through her heart and dimmed the light she carried within her. Her daughter got all of her that was left but she had failed in so many ways.

Wiping her eyes, she looked up at the sky and saw a small patch of stars not yet obscured by the incoming rain clouds. She remembered one night, later than either she or Mia should have been up, when they sat outside with Oliver’s old telescope, trying to find far away galaxies before the moon rose and outshone all the stars on its journey across the sky. Felicity told her stories about Greek Gods and Goddesses, ancient astronomers, and how the starlight they were seeing was millions of years old. That the star that created it was long dead and the remnants of its fiery life was racing away from it, staying in front of its dying creator.

What she didn’t ever tell her was that her father was somewhere out there, racing through the heavens, searching for a way to save them all. That sometimes, if the conditions were right, she would sneak out to the back deck and use his telescope to try and find him. All she could ever see was an unending field of stars, the occasional planet, and satellites chasing each other around the world. It was a Fool’s errand to continue her search of the sky above, a selfish use of time away from the work that had given her life purpose in the years after he left, but it helped calm her in an odd way. The universe fascinated her and spending time peering into its depths connected her to it and, by extension, Oliver.

Now all she could do was watch the moon vanish behind a swirling mass of clouds, and the telescope was packed away in a storage unit rented under Mia’s name for the next twenty years. Mia had the key and documents to it. When she was ready, she could decide what to keep and what to throw away. Felicity took a deep breath, smelled the rain that was on the way and continued her journey through the house, every step taken drawing her closer and closer to the end. She needed to say goodbye to the memories that swirled through her so that she could walk away without a single regret.

She was thankful for the completion of her final mission. The destruction of Archer had been the last thing she needed to do because it ensured that her daughter and son would be safe. But the reunion between the three of them had filled her heart with love, hope and relief. They were both so brilliant and strong in their own ways. William had followed her lead and dove into the world of tech, but he was intuitive like Oliver. Mia had followed Oliver’s superhero lead but was empathetic like her mom.

_Oliver would be so proud of them both, she thought, he would hide it behind a scowl but I would see that twinkle in his eyes and know just how proud he was of his children._

They had retreated to this far away place for safety and privacy as they got ready to welcome Mia into the world, but they truly had made it their home. She looked up at the trees and marveled how tall they had grown. The cedar hedges, originally three feet tall when they were planted by Oliver one afternoon in late fall, now towered over the roofline. They smelled beautiful in the rain.

Before returning to the house, she said a silent thank you and goodbye to her backyard. She closed and locked the backdoor behind her, ending that part of her journey through the past. Crossing through the empty living room, she turned off the overhead light and waited for the shadows to settle down, for the echoes to fall silent, before turning towards the kitchen.

It had been her nemesis for the majority of her life and when Oliver showed such a flair for cooking, she felt blessed beyond all comprehension. He was a perfectionist but absolutely brilliant when he wanted to be. Running her hands over the cool granite, she remembered late night snacks consisting of all the leftovers from the night before, of conversations over morning tea, of informal lunches and dinners when setting the table felt like too much of a chore.

Flipping the light switch off, she said goodbye to those lost moments and the stolen ones she dared not think about. The entire house was filled with stolen memories and half fulfilled dreams. She had made it as complete as possible for Mia and that is what mattered in the end. She had felt the love of her father even though he was absent, she had known he loved her.

Felicity walked down the hallway that led to the front door, passed the darkened rooms where once they had slept as a family, and left her home for the last time. Locking the door behind her and stashing the key in a mini lockbox under a planter, she straightened her coat, smoothed her hair and strode purposefully away from it, not looking back, not wanting to see its empty shell. All of the good things, the happy moments, the joy and love where written on her heart. She no longer needed the house to see them.

When she got to the street in front, she pulled out the quantum field manipulator and switched it on, sending its precoded signal to the Monitor that it was time for him to come and find her, that it was time for her to be reunited with her husband for the last time. She was nervous as she twirled her wedding ring around her finger. Twenty years and the universe where huge distances to cross. What if it was too far and too much?

They had both aged but she suspected it wouldn’t matter. He always loomed so large in her mind and heart, ageless, a man who exited out of time. No amount of time or space could keep her from finding him and he knew that. She thought about Mia and William and never seeing them again after only just finding them but knew they understood her devotion to Oliver and that maybe, just maybe, she was off trying to find him.

The air rippled and parted as the Monitor stepped through a tear in time and space.

_This is truly it, she thought, her heart racing, time to get going._

And so she did.

 

**The Beginning**

_Oliver stood on the shore in front of his home. The landscape here was familiar and alien all at once. The air was a little bit sweeter, the grass a deeper green and the water a colder blue. The forest behind him contained trees taller than the tallest redwoods on his home Earth but they matched the taller mountains. Everything here was similar to earth’s, just BIGGER. It took some getting used to, but he found himself falling into rhythm with it._

_This planet breathed differently. It’s lungs powerful and not just confined to one continent. All the continents seemed to have the ability to take a deep breath and he loved the end result, that of powerful storms followed by periods of gentle peace. The Monitor had said this planet existed in a bubble, outside of the known universe, and that it was populated with others who earned their life and their freedom._

_He smiled at the horizon and for a moment, felt the grip of loneliness ease from around his heart. He had created an oasis here, a place of repose, a sanctuary. It was his lived version of a Hemeroscopium. Felicity would be proud of what he accomplished in the last year and the home he had created. That he had conversations with her in that place of light, ones that guided his hand even here._

_He longed for her every day. He missed her with such a physical intensity that some nights he could scarcely breathe. He’d have to calm himself, take tiny sips of air, and push the despair aside by remembering something full of love and joy. He often went back in his mind to the moment of Mia’s birth and of Felicity’s strength, resolve and courage to give birth at home._

_For the last twenty years, he had traveled through time and space, fighting a war that had almost taken his life and willingly given up the ability to return home so that the universe could be saved. When the Monitor had told him of Felicity’s efforts to find him, he had dug deep and made the choice to live, to not give in to the escape of death, because he knew she would find him when the time was right._

_And, God, did he love her for that. Even though they were separated by an entire universe, she had given him back his life._

_Turning back to face his new home, he felt proud of what he had been able to accomplish with the existing structure. It was an A-frame cabin, left unoccupied and abandoned at the end of a very long, very bumpy dirt road that wound its way through the mountains by way of a small hamlet. He was hidden away and happy for the peace. All he could hear was the sound of the wind through the trees, birdsong and the waves on the rocky shore._

_There was only one part of the house left to finish and that was the loft facing the bedroom. He had only the bookshelves to finish now that all the windows were installed and then he could start filling them with what little he had that reminded him of home._

_It had taken him the better part of a year to assemble all the materials, draw out the plans, and then begin the process of building with the aid of the most sophisticated computer he had ever seen. The technological connectedness of this place was beyond even what Felicity could have imagined, although he had faith that she would find ways to improve upon all of it given enough time._

_He smiled on his way back up the path to his front door and wondered what she would say if she ever saw this place with its warm cedar and pine interior. He had managed to use his skills in creating weaponry into carpentry. It felt good to use his hands to create something that he could live in instead of weapons to kill. This new world didn’t need him to live in the shadows or violently balance the scales._

_It required him to live simply and well. It was his retirement from a mission that took thirty years to complete. He was alone but it was impossible to go back to his home. He had sacrificed his life on Earth in order for everyone else to live and though he struggled with the isolation of living so far from everyone and thing he loved, he didn’t regret making the choice he did._

_Oliver spent the next few weeks finishing the loft, staining the planks of wood, sealing any cracks around the windows where the wind could sneak through, and cutting wood in preparation for the coming winter. He had been told that they could be long and brutal, so the more he had ready, the better off he would be._

_But right now, the weather was perfect. Cool, breezy, but sunny with cloudless, deep blue skies during the day. At night, the sky opened up like a box of glittering jewels. He’d never seen anything like it but all the stars where different, in the wrong place. It was like he was looking at his earth’s night sky in reverse._

_Late one night he awoke from a particularly painful dream. He was trying to get back to the safe house, to Felicity and Mia, but found he couldn’t remember the way home. He tried everything from calling Diggle to looking it up on a computer. When he followed the directions given to him by John, he always found he had traveled in a circle, ending up back where he started. The internet gave him a clear map to follow but again, he walked in a circle, always returning back at the beginning._

_He could hear the sound of Felicity’s voice and Mia’s tiny, infectious laugh but he couldn’t find his way to them. He called to them, trying to get their attention, but nothing worked. Eventually, their voices faded until all that was left was the soft sound the wind made as it rushed over the leaves in the trees that surrounded him._

_The deep, penetrative loneliness that gripped him woke him up, tears streaming from his eyes. It had taken him almost an entire day to work up the energy to get out of bed. He’d been depressed before, but this was different. There was no death wish, no underlying rage, only an unending need to touch his wife, hug his daughter, instead of peering into the depths of nothingness._

_Some days blurred into others, making entire weeks slip past him in a blink of the eye. He thought about meeting Mia that one time on his trip through the multiverse. He was processing it in bits and pieces. She was fierce, outspoken, sensitive and smart. She was everything he thought she would be because of Felicity’s guidance and love._

_It had broken his heart to meet her, knowing he would have to leave her again but she had understood, as had William. Both his children made him prouder than he had any right to feel and after the initial anger and tears, there was only love and understanding. They knew what he was doing was important to their own survival and sent him off in search of Felicity with their forgiveness and love._

_The one thing they had been unable to share with him was where Felicity had gone. They simply didn’t know. She had shown them where his grave was located and then walked away, letting them live their own lives. There was no trace of her anywhere but she had left them the keys to her queendom, as she called it, and a lifetime of memories to sort through._

_One thing was clear, that despite the hardship of his leaving, and the struggle Felicity faced in finding her own, true purpose in his absence, Mia and William loved her with a ferocity he understood in his bones._

_Felicity seemed to command that kind of devotion from those whom she loved and an equal kind of respect from those she didn’t. Every enemy he had faced, from Ra’s Al Ghul to Prometheus, understood not only her importance in his life but the danger she represented to theirs. It was not something she flaunted, but her power eclipsed them all. Even the Monitor had a healthy respect for what she could accomplish, especially after she was able to reach out and communicate with him using a device she had created. He had promised Oliver he would reward her accordingly when the time was right._

_The first few months of being in this new place had been maddening. He would play with his wedding ring on his finger and think about Felicity, Mia and William. One thing was certain, he would know if Felicity had died. His heart would cleave in two and part of his soul would die. She was out there, somewhere, doing whatever it is she needed to do and he only hoped that meant she was trying to find him. One day, hopefully soon, he would once again kiss her under the endless sky._

_So work on the cabin continued. He fixed the roof, replacing hundreds of cedar shingles, reglazed the windows and built a workshop under the tall trees. He still practiced and trained religiously but had begun to find more time to sit and watch the sun go down. It was during one of his quiet nights that he got the idea to change the roof by adding skylights above the bed in the loft. The section of the cabin where the bedroom was located was furthest from the forest, making it safe to have them. The wind could snap off branches, sending them tumbling down to the forest floor but so far none had landed on the roof._

_It had taken him weeks but the end result was spectacular. He could watch the night sky on cold nights, when being outside in the elements wasn’t possible. The first night, he had caught a glimpse of his reflection and was surprised to see how grey his beard had become. The Monitor had warned him that time moved differently where he currently was, that a month here was akin to a year on earth._

_His body was still trying to figure out what it was doing but he felt the need to be as fit as possible while it did. Felicity used to call him a machine, from his food to his workouts, his entire way of operating was designed to keep himself sane and focused. When he was not on a mission, he kept himself to a routine out of habit. Now, with his mission finally over, he would have to find something new to occupy his time._

_One day every month, he took the vehicle he had been provided and drove to the hamlet for supplies. He would send in his order the week before and make the two hour trek through the mountains to its location. It was a spectacular drive and he would stop at different points along the way just so he could watch the rushing rivers or do a spontaneous hike to different vantage points. He was getting the lay of the land while getting some exercise. The forest was a quiet, gentle place full of ferns and lichen covered logs. He had yet to spot any animals on the forest floor but he could hear them, always staying out of sight._

_He had made a large order, larger than usual, because he sensed a shift in the weather. If it snowed, he could be trapped longer than a month and needed to be prepared. As a result, it took him longer than usual to make the return trek back home. Oliver had bought seeds on this order, ones he could plant in the greenhouse he had built. The idea of being self sufficient appealed to him. He could hunt, if he ever figured out what was a predator and prey, but growing his food ignited his curiosity. It was something he wanted to try over the long winter._

_Fishing was another activity he wanted to try. He had spotted something large patrolling the deeper waters past the cliffs to the south of the cabin. It was well fed and fiercely territorial, if the shredded remains of the other creatures that washed ashore were any indication, so there must be something closer in that he could catch from shore._

_Lost in thought, he drove down his twenty mile long driveway. There were other cabins tucked away further up the road, he had seen fresh tire tracks turning off the main road down barely concealed gravel roads but evidence of other people ended a long time before he could even see the ocean at the end of the road. He felt the day catch up with him when he pulled what he thought was a jeep, though its tires were bigger, more rugged, and it was fully electronic, into the carport he had built next to the side door._

_From there, he could unload the jeep directly into the protected cold storage. He had been told there animals that scavenged for any food left outside, so he took the precaution of building a protective room around the two large freezers and fridge he had installed in the basement. He had seen no evidence of any scavengers but it was always better to be safe than sorry._

_Twenty minutes later, satisfied that he had everything away in its proper place upstairs and down, he made himself a cup of coffee and went outside to watch the sunset. The colours were just a bit brighter, deeper, and the sun just a bit larger but what he was waiting for was the moon. It was four times larger than the earth’s moon and it glowed pink in the early evening._

_With a satisfied sigh, he sat down in one of the deck chairs he had built and closed his eyes. The wind was blowing softly from over the cooler water and it smelled like rain. He looked forward to it, the sound of raindrops hitting the roof was soothing as he drifted off to sleep at night. The clouds would be spectacular when the sun finally went down, flashing deep purple, orange and blue._

_He picked up the book he found, left behind on a bookshelf he had moved to the basement. It was a worn volume of Pablo Neruda poetry, well loved but forgotten when the last inhabitants of his home had packed their belongings and left. He opened it up to page he had read many times and his eyes came to rest on two stanzas that spoke to his complete devotion to his wife. She had changed his destiny, his world, his life._

_When I die I want your hands on my eyes,_  
_I want the light and the wheat of your beloved hands_  
_to pass their freshness over me one more time_  
_to feel the smoothness that changed my destiny._

 _I want you to live while I wait for you, asleep,_  
_I want for your ears to go on hearing the wind,_  
_for you to smell the sea that we loved together_  
_and for you to go on walking the sand where we walked._

_“So...got a cup of coffee for me?” came a soft, familiar voice to his left._

_At first, he thought it was his imagination. Felicity had asked him that so often, he would tease her by hiding her cup in plain sight, but it had been decades since he had heard her speak outside of his dreams. Slowly rising from his chair, he turned towards the direction of the voice, expecting to see an apparition, a figment of his imagination made flesh._

_Instead, standing in the fading sunlight, there stood Felicity and the Monitor. His knees buckled, forcing him to sit down hard and the world fell away from underneath him._


	9. Holding the Sunset

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is it. The final chapter.
> 
> It is all about them reuniting and finding one another again through trust and sex and love before the pain of remembering begins.
> 
> There is humour and a real sense that this is it, the end of the missions. They exist in a world out of time and they know it.
> 
> It is also the end of the line for me as I am comfortable with the place I am leaving them in. It may not be how the show ends, but it is a fitting end for these two in the world I built around them for the last 4 years.
> 
> Enjoy :)

**Chapter 8**

  
**Holding the Sunset**

_She reached out_   
_and found the way through_   
_the labyrinth to his heart._

  
**Felicity**

Felicity stood on the rocky shore and stared out across the cove in front of Oliver’s home. She was a bit off balance from the trip through the portal and she found centering herself in her new surroundings was helping calm her nerves. What she saw was beautiful, protected from the worst of the winds that would blow across the open ocean beyond the imposing cliffs that seemed to hug the beach she was on. Behind her rose trees that would dwarf the tallest redwoods on earth. Their earth.

Closing her eyes, she listened to this new place and heard birdsong, the insistent rush of water over stone, and the sound of the wind rustling leaves in the trees. The air smelled fresh, clean and a little bit sweeter than she was used to. It was remote, isolated, and yet she could feel Oliver’s presence despite the fact that he was currently away from the cabin.

“Looks like we arrived ahead of schedule,” Felicity mused with a wry smile.  
“He will return soon enough,” the Monitor said without any humour at all.  
“So tell me about this place. Where exactly are we?” she asked.  
“It exists out of time. It is here specifically to protect those whose missions are over but still have years left to live their lives their way,” he explained quietly. “Oliver has earned his place here, as have you.”  
“This seems really…rugged,” she said, “Is there electricity?”  
“There is everything you will need and I am sure you will create whatever it is you don’t have,” the Monitor said in a tone that was a perfect balance of boredom and dry humour.

Felicity turned back towards the ocean and watched something large breach the surface far out to sea. It was joined by several others, each taking its turn under the setting sun. Felicity was awed by the size they must be in order for her to see them so clearly. This planet was definitely different even though it smelled and looked the same as where she had come from.

The sound of a jeep coming up the drive pulled both of their attention in the direction of the front of the house. From their current position, they were hidden from sight behind a rocky outcrop. The Monitor looked at Felicity, waiting to see what she would do. She wanted to run straight to him but found herself completely frozen in place. She glanced at the Monitor and shook her head. It wasn’t time, not yet.

“I think we should wait for just a moment. He...isn’t good with being surprised,” she said quietly.  
“He is a creature of habit. In twenty minutes, he will be sitting on his front deck so that he can watch the sun set,” he said softly.  
“What’s...what’s he like now?” she asked quietly, listening to the sounds of her husband moving back and forth between his vehicle and the house.  
“Quiet. Reserved,” the Monitor answered. “He has seen and done a lot of things that have left their mark on him, for good and bad.”  
“But he’s alive,” she said with a tremulous voice. “He’s alive and he’s here. Has he aged?”  
“Aged?” the Monitor asked, momentarily confused. “He has seen the passage of years, yes.”

She regarded him for a moment and then said, “He has changed, hasn’t he?”  
“It was inevitable.”

Felicity sat down on a large stone and unconsciously twirled her wedding band around her finger. She was nervous and eager. She wanted to get up to the house and launch herself at Oliver but knew patience was in order. This had to be done carefully and with a tremendous amount of care. They were both different people now.

“He does that when he is nervous, too,” the Monitor observed almost warmly.  
“Does what?” she asked, looking up at him.  
“He twirls his wedding ring.”  
“He still wears it?” she asked, feeling a familiar pain rising in her chest.  
“He never took it off unless the mission called for it.”

Felicity fell silent and thought she heard the faint sound of a waterfall. It reminded her of their camping trip in the desert at the start of their relationship. The creek that ran past their campsite had sounded similar to what she heard now; that constant rush of water over stone. She had a lifetime to explore here and hoped Oliver would show her everything, starting with that waterfall.

“I think it’s time,” the Monitor said softly, “He is on the deck.”

Nodding, Felicity stood up, brushed herself off and followed the path up from the shore to the house. She spotted him immediately. He had grown a beard, full of silver hair that glinted in the sun, but was still an imposing figure. His shoulders were broad and he looked fit, possibly fitter than ever. But he was lost in thought, a book in his hands but his eyes were closed.

She spotted the coffee mug next to him and smiled, knowing exactly what to say.

“So...got a cup of coffee for me?” she asked softly, trying not to startle him.

His eyes flew open and he stood up, looked at her, taking a moment to fully realize that it was her. That she was real. His knees buckled and he sat down hard, the book slipped from his grip and fell with a thud to the deck. She saw a new scar on his forehead but otherwise, it was Oliver. Her Oliver.

“It’s you,” he whispered.  
“It is,” she answered and then the world fell away. The Monitor was speaking, something about them being on a world that was theirs to explore but that they could never leave to go back to their own.

She heard herself acknowledging what he was saying but she couldn’t take her eyes off of Oliver. The Monitor crossed over to him, shook his hand and then blinked out of existence. He wasn’t one for sentimentality. He brought her to Oliver, fulfilling his promise to her, and went back to the business of watching the Universe. She knew they would never see him again, at least not in this life, but all that mattered now was what happened next.

They stared at one another, now only separated by a few feet, but still they held their ground. Twenty years was a lifetime to be apart and she felt the need to cross that distance a little bit at a time. For now, just looking at him was enough. Touching him would come soon but first, she needed to see him.

“How...how is this possible?” he asked, wonder and awe flowing through his words.  
“Well, I am very smart,” she said quietly, taking a careful step towards him.  
“You are,” he said softly, a smile beginning to cross his face, “You found me.”  
“Just like I promised,” she could feel the tears threatening to burst out of her, “I have waited so long to find you.”

Oliver took a tentative step towards her, like he still didn’t believe she was there, and reached out his hand. Relief flooded through her and she reached back, taking another step towards him, finally grasping his hand in hers. It took her breath away to feel his skin again. His hands were still rough, calloused now from all the work he had been doing to create the home behind him, but he was alive and standing in front of her after all those long years.

With a gentle tug, he helped her up the large step at the bottom of the deck stairway, never once taking his eyes off of her. They were both still circling each other, pulling in closer and closer, spiralling towards the inevitable point where they would meet. Their lives had pulled them apart for too long, now it was time to return to the beginning, to start again with the knowledge that this time, there would be no more separations.

Stepping carefully up the last few steps, she stood within inches of him, staring up into his blue eyes which were weary and guarded from decades of mission not his own. She took in the new scars, the thick beard, the faint lines and wrinkles. He was different but still the same, still the same Oliver who left her two decades ago. She could tell that he had stories to tell, like she did, but those would come in time.

“You’ve let your beard grow,” she said quietly, tentatively reaching up to his face with her free hand. “It’s greyer than I remember.”  
“You haven’t aged a day,” he said, studying her face in the dying light.  
“Flatterer,” she smiled, chuckling softly. He nuzzled his face against her palm and she remembered when he did the same thing when he left Slabside Prison.

Instinctively, she raised her other hand to his cheek, cradling his face, feeling the familiar way his skin felt even through the dense beard. Shifting closer to him, she waited, feeling the surge of energy between them. That ache, that longing she had lived with for so long slowly loosened its hold on her heart, allowing her to slowly coming back to life.

“You are my greatest love,” he murmured, turning his head to kiss the palm of her hand, “and I knew I would see you again.”  
“Not even a multiverse could keep us apart,” she smiled, looking up into his blue eyes. She could see the ghosts that haunted him were still there and in time she would ask about the new ones, but she raised her head up just as his dipped low and their lips met.

It was a perfect kiss. Soft, tender, full of desire finally realized, and a yearning so intense, it roared between them. She pulled away just enough so that she could feel his breath on her skin. She felt weightless, the world under her feet slipped away. She was thankful for the way he embraced her, his arms gently holding her as though she were made of glass, anchoring her to his heart.

“I love you, Oliver,” she whispered.

He smiled, relief flooding his face, “I love you so much.” His voice hitched and tears rose in his eyes. She wiped the ones that spilled free with her thumbs.

“So, are you going to show me around?” she asked.  
“I built this for you,” he said sheepishly. “It took a while.”  
“I’m sorry I kept you waiting,” she said, blinking away tears.  
“Never be sorry,” he said quietly, “I knew you’d come.”

With that he took her by the hand and led her inside the cabin. It wasn’t what she was expecting. It was modern, comfortable, not as rustic as she thought it would be. The main floor was one big open space with wall to wall, floor to ceiling windows that faced the ocean, a kitchen she knew he’d spent time in, a bathroom off at the end and a couple of closed doors she assumed lead to the basement and utility rooms. She looked up and saw that the roof angled slightly over the windows, providing a windbreak for when the weather grew more intense.

There was a staircase tucked into the corner that lead up to the loft space above. She could see that it was divided into four sections, each of which was softly illuminated by unseen windows. What drew her attention though, was the enormous stone fireplace in the centre of the cabin. With no other heating system in sight, it must serve to heat the entire space and its craftsmanship was a work of art.

“Oliver, this is beautiful,” she breathed, in awe of the work he had put into creating the space.

She stood in the doorway, unsure of what to do next. She watched Oliver take off his shoes and put his jacket on a hook by the door. All at once, she was gripped by uncertainty. This was her new home but she didn’t feel welcome in it, not yet.

“You can take off your shoes and coat, Felicity,” he said softly, his voice sounding older, a growl that rumbled over her skin.  
“Sorry,” she laughed at her sudden shyness, “I am just trying to adjust.”

Oliver didn’t say a word. Instead, he moved behind her and gently put his hands on her shoulders, waiting for permission to help her remove her coat. Without a glance behind her, she held her arms out and allowed him to assist her. She left the two small boxes in their pockets, they would have to wait for later.

“Come and sit down while I build the fire,” he said softly, “I’ll get you that cup of coffee, too.”

The couch was deep, soft and welcoming. It reminded her of the one in the cabin they had stayed in, deep in the mountains on an impromptu holiday after Slabside. She looked around and saw walls almost devoid of decoration, his bow and quiver by the front door, yet there was no echo in the space. The walls absorbed sound, both inside and out.

She watched Oliver move through the cabin as he built the fire and made her coffee. The air was charged with so much energy, she could feel the hairs on the back of her neck begin to rise.  
There were so many conversations they needed to have, some would be more difficult than others, but she had no doubt they could cross the decades they had missed and finally stop searching for the peace that they so richly deserved.

“Here ya go,” he said quietly, “I think you’ll like it. The coffee here is less acidic.”

She took a sip and then another, marveling at how rich and chocolately it was. Oliver stepped outside to pick up his book and coffee mug then came to sit next to her on the couch. The fire was crackling, sending sparks up the chimney. It did its job and warmed up the large space.

“The coffee is delicious,” she said, “thank you.”  
“No need to thank me,” he smiled. She returned the smile, knowing that this would be the new normal soon enough.  
“We have a lot to talk about,” she said softly.  
“We do,” he agreed, “But not yet.”  
“Show me the rest?” she asked, gesturing towards the second level, butterflies starting to flutter in her stomach.

Oliver held out his hand for her to take. She did, allowing him to pull her to her feet.

“Come on, I’ll show you the upstairs,” he said with a gentle smile.

Wordlessly, she followed him to the set of stairs hidden near the back wall. The bannister was smooth and cool under her hand. She could smell the fresh varnish on the wood. Every step was hand cut but the edges were natural, uneven but beautifully placed so that they were safe to use. He had worked hard to create this for her with skills she didn’t even know he possessed.

What greeted her at the top of the stairs took her breath away.

“Oliver...you did this?” she asked, incredulous and impressed.  
“I did. The bare bones of it were here when I arrived, but I completed it.”

At one end, of what was essentially a large loft area, was the bed. It was facing the ocean but what really caused her to stop and stare in wonder was that it was positioned under a set of windows that rose up from the floor to meet in a peak above the bed where the roof should be. It was like a tent made of glass. Facing the bed was a small gas fireplace that seemed to float on air.

“Do you like the skylights?” he asked, almost shyly. Instinctively, she slipped an arm around his waist, finding comfort in the warmth and size of his body.  
“God, Oliver...they are spectacular. But seriously, what happens if a storm comes?”  
“There are shutters that come out and cover them,” he answered, pride in his voice and posture.

Felicity left his side and went to stand underneath them, staring up at the sky, wondering what it must look like on a clear, moonless night. Turning around, she spied a bathroom with a large copper tub in front of a large plate glass window, a small wood stove that would heat the space in winter, on one side of the loft space and and what was undoubtedly an office on the other.

“It is perfect,” she said to herself, returning her gaze to the sky above.

Oliver came and stood beside her, watching her as she stared up at the heavens. Tentatively, he reached out and pushed her hair off her face. She felt self conscious as he stared at her. She knew her face held new lines and that her hair was lighter, heading towards white instead of blonde.

“You are still so beautiful, Felicity,” he said lovingly. He took her left hand in his and tenderly rubbed her wedding band.  
“I never took it off,” she admitted quietly. “Not once in twenty years.”

She focused on his hand, feeling breathless and slightly off balance at the intimacy of his touch, still in awe at the size of it and how gentle he could be. Before she could say anything else, she saw a tear fall onto her hand, followed quickly by a second and third. It was like the dam had finally burst for them both as she found her own falling to join his.

“I have missed you,” she whispered, her voice choked with tears.

Oliver wrapped his arms around her and they held on as tight as they could, still not believing they had finally found one another after all this time. The tears were cleansing, an act of love and devotion, not one of sorrow and regret. She was sure more would be shed in the days ahead but none were as important as the ones they were sharing now.

Felicity looked up at him, tears still flowing down her cheeks, and said, “I am so glad I found you.”

He smiled and kissed her, at first with a delicateness that blew through her, sweeping away the last of her apprehensions, and then with a deepening passion fueled by twenty years of separation. She gripped his shirt, trying to pull him closer, his hands moved slowly down her back. Every movement, every touch, bringing them closer together.

“This beard will have to go,” she smiled, playfully scratching his chin through it, feeling his chuckle rumbling through his body.  
“Maybe...but not today,” he murmured before his lips were on hers again, this time in a kiss that was insistent, firm, and when his tongue parted her lips, her knees finally buckled.

Oliver slipped his feet under hers and did something she had dreamed of for twenty years. He had done this one night in Positano after she teased him about not dancing with her. He had put the radio on and danced her through the villa, from room to room, as she laughed and pressed her body as close to his as possible. Now, he did the same thing while humming the song they danced to at their wedding reception so long ago and memories of hot, humid nights spent in his arms came flooding back, filling her heart with a joy she had thought long since dimmed by the passage of time.

She laughed and slipped her hands under his shirt, feeling the heat of his skin under her palms. The sun had set as they moved through the house, the sky now a faded pastel palette of purple, pink and blue, and she watched it through the windows that framed the bed. Oliver stepped behind her so that she could watch the sunset.

“Oliver, this bedroom…,” she trailed off as together they watched the final rays of the sun vanish below the distant horizon. Oliver reached towards the wall and tiny fairy lights came on, softly illuminating the space. He had thought of everything.

Felicity turned to face him and without taking her eyes off of his, slowly removed her shirt. His cheeks flushed and she felt him take a quick, stuttered breath. What took her breath away was the feather light touch of his fingertips as they traced her collar bones, her chest and then up her neck so that he could hold her face between his hands.

There was a pause as passion crackled and popped between them. She wondered if it was fear or a terror filled anticipation that was keeping them in this slow dance around each other despite the intensity of feeling that flowed all around them. But then she placed her hand over his heart, something she did to ground them both when nerves or emotions were swirling out of control within them, and that familiar light ignited in his eyes.

“It’s been a long time,” he said, his voice low, almost a growl.  
“Twenty years,” she said with a sigh.  
“Go slow?” he asked, a wicked gleam in his eyes.  
“I think we’ll have to,” she murmured with a smile and pulled him down into a fierce, demanding kiss.

The deeper it grew, the more frantic they became. She had missed the strength of his hands, the texture of his tongue, the way his breath felt on her skin. She wanted all of him. She wanted the twenty years they had spent apart to not matter, for their bodies to remember the secret language they shared.

He tugged her pants down over her hips and then dropped to his knees, pushed her panties out of the way, freeing the way for his tongue to make contact with her clit, sending electric shocks throughout her body. Distantly, she heard herself gasp as she gripped his hair. His beard scratched the soft skin of her inner thighs, causing her to shiver, as he sucked and licked her until she lost her ability to control her body. Oliver’s fingers dug into her hips just as she came with explosive force against his mouth.

“God, Oliver...I said slow,” she gasped. He had turned his head to kiss her inner thighs and she could feel the slick, wet heat of her climax on his lips.  
“We have all night,” he answered, helping her step out of her clothes and then leading her to their bed.  
“Not if you do that again,” she sighed, easing back on the plush mattress. She looked up to the sky and watched lightning flash across it. “Looks like a storm. I bet they are spectacular.”  
“They are, we can watch it for a bit,” he said. He was slowly stripping down out of his clothes in the soft golden light.

He was still magnificent. Sculpted and toned, he looked like a man in his 30’s not his mid 50’s. There wasn’t an ounce of fat on his tall, broad frame. He had a couple of new scars on his back and torso but otherwise looked identical to the day he left her on earth.

“You haven’t changed. Just your hair,” she said with a wink.  
“I have a few new scars,” he said with a low chuckle.  
“You can tell me their stories another day.”

Oliver laid down and propped himself up on his elbow so that he could see her. He traced her face with his fingertips, refamiliarizing himself with her one touch at a time. For a time, they laid in silence and let their bodies fall into sync. The rhythm was there, building in tempo and potency, they simply needed to let their bodies speak to each other.

“I keep forgetting we have the rest of our lives,” she murmured, running her hands over his head, feeling the length of his hair, “We don’t have to rush.”  
“My mission ended, not when I got here, but when you did,” he said softly, leaning low to nuzzle her nose with his own, “It was always leading to you.”  
“Oliver,” she loved saying his name, the way sounded and felt, “stop talking.”

He smiled and kissed her lips, her neck, reaching underneath her, he undid your bra and removed it, freeing her breasts for his mouth and hands. His body covered hers, making her feel safe and protected as thunder rumbled over the water, rattling the cabin with its power. She felt she could lie there, surrounded by the electric strength of him, forever.

His lips were salty but soft. His beard held her scent and it surrounded her when he kissed her. Before she could reach between them, he slipped his hand between her legs and gently stroked her clit, finding the right pressure and pace to send her head long into erotic bliss. But it was when she felt him ease first one, then another, finger inside the, that caused her body to shudder and shake in ecstasy. It was a shock at first and her body tightened hard around them as he pulsed them deep inside her body. Twenty years of longing rose up within her and she gave herself over to him, riding wave after wave of euphoric joy.

When he raised himself up over her, his cock heavy and hard were it rested on her abdomen, he kissed her, a deep lingering one that left her gasping for breath. Then she felt a familiar sensation as inch by inch, he pushed into her. It was intense, she felt the tightness of her body now twenty years out of practise, and then the hot rush as she relaxed and welcomed him inside her. Instinctively, she wrapped her legs around his waist, reveling in the way his cock created a feeling of fullness and completeness as he rested his hips against hers.

“Felicity...God, I have missed you,” he murmured, his lips on her neck, his arms holding her close while supporting his weight.  
“Shhh,” she whispered, “Don’t wait.”

It was the permission he needed to move his hips, hard and firm, against hers. This wasn’t about the gentle, erotic form of sex and love they so often indulged in twenty years ago. This was about need, about finding that space of home they both had desperately missed. It was about her having given up her life to find him, crossing dimensions and universes without a second thought. It was frantic, messy and perfect. Oliver was tender but inches from losing control and she was ready to push him, test his boundaries while he crossed hers.

It didn’t take long. She was trembling, all her nerves firing in ecstasy, her consciousness spread out across the new universe she had traveled to for him. All the familiar things she had dreamed of for so long, the smell of his skin, the way he tasted, the way his cock felt buried deep inside her, the heat and sounds their bodies generated, coalesced into this rapturous moment.

He thrust faster, harder, and she fell limp in his arms, her face bathed in tears of joy so intense, she was unable to speak. If she could, she would have begged him to stop, to let her ease into the darkness that was gathering at the edge of her mind, but there would have been no fairness in that request. Somewhere, the anxiety, hesitation and anticipation of reuniting, they had found a way to become whole again.

Oliver stilled for a moment, his breathing ragged and fast, his cock swollen and throbbing, and with a final roll of his hips, he poured himself into her. Time stopped, even as the storm flashed and roared above them, and the world fell away. She opened her eyes and looked up into his, that bright blue unmatched by anything else in nature, and saw a new galaxy unfold within them.

“We haven’t missed a beat,” she smiled, caressing his face, “but this beard has got to go.”  
“Your wish…,” he chuckled but didn’t move. Their bodies were still intimately joined and neither of them seemed inclined to separate. Not now after so many years apart.

She traced a scar she had never seen before that ran just below his hairline and wondered about its origin story. They had the rest of their lives to discover all the new moments, the ones they were cheated out of sharing together. She was wrestling with the unspoken grief of having spent more years apart than together. It would be their biggest hurdle but one she was sure could be left behind.

“Do you have a blanket?” she asked quietly, trying not to shiver.  
“I do,” he chuckled and reached beside her. He pulled one over them, shifting them so they were on their sides, nestled under the weight of the knit blanket. “It’s your blanket now, too.”

Felicity kissed his chest, overwhelmed that they were finally together. Their bodies had changed but not so much to be completely alien and new. She watched the sky above them, marveling at the perfect way the two huge panes of glass met at the peak but didn’t in any way interfere with the view.

“What do you do in a hail storm?” she asked suddenly.  
“With the windows?”  
“Yeah, they are unprotected. I know you have shutters but hail is different than rain and snowstorms,” she could feel her brow furrowing as she spoke. Her curiosity was starting to wake up and suddenly everything was something to investigate and discover.  
“There are special shutters that come out from the roof, they are a clear mesh that are flexible but rigid enough to protect from hail, falling branches, any kind of environmental damage,” he explained.  
“How do they work?”  
“They...well, they are automatic. I...we don’t have to do anything.”  
“So this house is tech happy?” she asked, wondering where the brain of it was and if she could see it.  
“It is but I am betting you can improve it.” He knew her so well.

After a few minutes, Oliver reached beside the bed and pressed a button. The gas stove flashed into life, slowly warming the air in the bedroom. The house was perfect. She couldn’t see one thing she would change nor would she want to. Oliver had found this place and worked hard to make it for her, for them.

“Thirsty?” he asked.  
“Don’t tell me you have an app or button for that, too,” she teased.  
“No,” he laughed, and she smiled at the sound of it, “I’ll be right back.”  
“Could you bring my jacket up with you?” she asked as he separated their bodies and got up off the bed.  
“You got it,” he said softly before kissing her, a lifetime of tenderness flowing through it.

Felicity smiled as she watched him get up and pause, his hand hovering over his pants before dropping to his side. When he rose for the edge of the bed, the golden light from the fireplace in the corner flowed over him, revealing every inch of his physique. He was more beautiful now than when he left with the Monitor. She was looking forward to rediscovering every inch of his body.

“I can feel you watching me,” he said as he headed for the stairs.  
“Looking for design flaws,” she teased.

His laugh floated up to her from the floor below. It was a sound that she had traveled through time and space to hear. Lying under a stormy sky, she knew she would do it all over again, and again after that, if needs be.

“Here’s your coat,” he said, snapping her out of her revere.  
“Thank you...I guess I’ll need to get some new clothes,” she said absently as she dug through the coat’s pockets in search of the small treasures she had brought with her.

Oliver had yet to ask about Mia, but she could see the questions roiling under his skin, luckily she had a small surprise for him that should make it easier for them both. In the box with the shell was something she had selected just for him.

“I brought two specific things with me through the portal,” she began softly, “One is this box. I found it in the shed behind the house. Probably a year after you left. I’ve never opened it and William and Mia, when they are ready, can go get the ones you made from them from a safety deposit box in their names in Star City. The other one, I found in your dresser drawer. I...I never knew you kept that beautiful shell, Oliver.”

“I was going to surprise you with it when I got out of Slabside but...well, things got a bit crazy,” he finished with a wry chuckle.  
“Open it,” she said, placing the wooden box in the palms of his hands.

She watched him swallow hard, a sudden flush rising up to his cheeks. He looked scared, uncertain, but he held it, studying the design etched on the top. He ran his thumb gently over the latch, making sure not to trigger it, and then looked at her.

“Go on,” she encouraged quietly.  
“What about yours?” he asked.  
“I’ll open it at the same time. Ok?” she bartered.  
“Ok.”

And with that, they opened their boxes.

Felicity sat completely still and stared. Oliver had made her a Star of David necklace out of arrowheads. It took her breath away that he would make her something so precious, so profoundly meaningful to her. She studied it, unable to touch it just yet. Looking up at him, she watched his expression when he saw what she had placed inside with the shell. Treating it like Victorian locket, she had placed a photo of William and Mia. It was important to her that they could see their children’s faces, to know them, imagine how they would age as they grew up and matured. THey would both need to hold their faces in their hearts and minds in the years to come.

“This...this is them?” he asked. His voice broke and she watched tears tumble, one after another, down his cheeks.  
“It is,” she said, trying desperately to keep her voice level, “I thought it would do us good. But this is beautiful, Oliver.” She finally touched the necklace, feeling the cool smoothness of the metal, held it up and watched the way the light bounced off of its planes and corners.  
“I made one for Mia,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper.  
“And William?”  
“I embedded a circuit from the first computer you built with him in an old arrowhead I made.”

She reached out and grasped one of his hands, forcing him to look at her. His face crumpled and he began to weep. Great shuddering sobs roared out of him. She moved immediately to hold him, to try and find a way to comfort him but he motioned for her to stop, to let him cry. So she did. After a while, with his head in her lap, his sobs subsided. She knew he was grieving the loss of his children, of not being there to be their dad, to teach them, know them, love them and there was nothing she could do to take away that pain.

_Not yet, she thought, as she stroked his hair._   
_Not yet, she thought, he needs to feel this pain now._   
_Not yet, she thought, the healing will start when he is able to ask about them._

They were going to have days like this for a while, she thought, where the enormity of all that they had lost, given up and sacrificed, would overwhelm them. Driving them to their knees until they there was nothing left to do but cry.

“She’s beautiful,” he said, his voice full of sorrow, “she looks just like you.”  
“She has your temperament,” she smiled, remembering the grit and power their daughter possessed.  
“I want to hear everything but…,” he trailed off, conflicted about what he wanted to say.  
“A little bit at a time,” she said, understanding his hesitancy as it reflected her own. “Right now, I think we need to have a bath and then go to sleep. I just traveled across I don’t even know how many universes and am getting tired.”  
“Come,” he said, standing up, “The bath fills from the bottom.”  
“...what?” she asked, confused.  
“Come and see,” he smiled, the light in his eyes had dimmed but still there, shining for her, “but first…”

He took the necklace from her hands, helped her stand up, and then placed it around her neck. It hung low, between her breasts, and she watched his eyes travel down its length. It was cool against her warm skin. She picked up his hands and pressed them to her heart.

“You were always here, Oliver. For me and for Mia. She always knew you,” she affirmed, wanting him to know without any doubt that he had been present even in his absence.

Oliver pressed his forehead to hers, his tears falling in silence. They stood there like that, connected heart and mind, until the chill in the air and the sound of the storm broke the spell.

“Come on,” he murmured, “Let’s get warm.” And then he led her to the side of the loft where the tub was located.

The tub was a marvel. The thick copper acted as insulation, keeping the rising water hot. It was a big tub, large enough for them both, and it faced away from the shore, towards the cliffs to the north. She wished she could hear the water washing over the rocky shore or the unseen waterfall but the window was thick and the walls of the cabin thickly insulated. Flashes of lightning illuminated the landscape and thunder boomed, loud enough to penetrate their peaceful bubble. There was always a storm when they were precariously placed.

The bath did the trick. They finally naturally relaxed into each other, the steam making them drowsy. Oliver wrapped her in an enormous towel when they finally go out and she rewarded him with a kiss. Old habits took over and he lifted her up, forcing her to wrap her legs around his waist. She ground down hard against him, feeling the way his cock responded to her.

This time, when they finally laid down on the bed, she forced him onto his back, slid down his body, taking time to kiss and trace every scar on torso. The texture of his scars was the same. Some were hot and waxy, others were cool and smooth, and she loved them as they were part of him and the story of his life.

Slowly, she moved further down until she could take his cock in her mouth, rolling her tongue around the head before sucking with a gentle pulsing. He grew harder in her mouth, and she could feel the muscles in his legs and abdomen tensing every time she changed the pressure around him. She had forgotten the velvety softness of the skin along the shaft, how heavy and thick his cock could get as his arousal increased.

She paused and looked up at him, and saw the unfocused look in his eyes. He reached for her then, pulling her back up on top of him. His hands moved over her body, stroking her clit until she shuddered and stopped him, not yet ready to cede control. She grasped his cock and then slid down his hard length, moving in a slow, controlled undulating pattern. Never the same way twice. She laced their fingers together and held his hands high, close to her heart. This was all for him, she needed him to feel her breath, the beating of her heart.

She closed her eyes and let her head tip back and felt the planet move as her orgasm uprooted her mind and realigned her heart. As her body shuddered, she felt him let go and come with explosive force inside her. She loved the way it felt, the intimacy of that moment, the trust and love. Even if it felt greedy at times, to take all that he had and keep it, locked inside her body.

They slept soundly that night. No dreams or nightmares infiltrated the bubble of peace they had created. There would be cracks over time but they loved each other enough to fix them and still be who they were together, finally, after a lifetime apart.

Oliver had been right all those years ago, love really was too small a word for what it was they shared, it wasn’t wrong but it certainly wasn’t right. Maybe in time they could figure out how to describe it but for now, she was content just to hold him, realizing that the end of her journey come the moment she saw him. From this point forward, it was about the two of them together.

 

**Oliver**

_He paused under the night sky_  
searching for that tiny spark of light  
of her journey through the labyrinth of his heart.

The sound of thunder woke him up from a dreamless sleep. For a moment, he was unsure if the night before had been a dream or was real until he turned his head and saw Felicity. She was still deeply asleep, the storm unheard by her ears. She always was able to sleep through the loudest thunder, it was something he envied on nights such as these.

Carefully, so as to not wake her, he slipped out of bed, picked up a pair of sweats, the picture of his children and made his way down to the main floor of the cabin to check on the fire and to find a moment to take a deep breath. Felicity had walked away from her life on earth to join him here but she had brought with her the greatest gift she could give him. Sitting in front of the dying fire, he studied the picture of their children, tracing their faces with a fingertip. She could have brought anything, but she brought him this and there was no way he could ever thank her enough.

He had so many questions, so many things he wanted to know but first he needed to grieve the lost years, the lost opportunity of being a father to both Mia and William. He would have to tell Felicity about meeting Mia during his final mission, of how he had discovered a brilliant, fierce, single minded, beautiful young woman who reminded him so intensely of her mother, it had dropped him to his knees.

Scratching his chin, he felt the length of his beard and chuckled. He had let it grow far too long and understood completely why she insisted it would have to go. The bathroom on the main level held all the tools he would need to take care of it before returning to bed. It was the least he could do for her considering the journey she had taken to find him.

It didn’t take long for him to clip and shave his beard back to a reasonable length. She liked him with a bit of scruff, so he didn’t get rid of it all. With a final check in the mirror, he turned off the bathroom light and headed back to the fireplace. It was going to be cold the next few days so keeping it burning was important, especially if the wind continued to blow.

He paused to listen for any sounds coming from upstairs, but Felicity continued to sleep on, unaware he was no longer beside her in bed. He felt a building anxiety, that maybe she would be gone by the time he got back up to the bedroom. He had almost decided against laying another log on the fire because it would mean added time away from her but he calmed his breathing and slowed his movements. The fire needed tending and it would only take a moment and giving into panic would not help either of them.

The log caught quickly and smelled faintly of pine. The trees he felled for firewood were saplings of the giant ones that grew up the mountain behind him, but were still impressively tall. He’d only need to cut down two more and he’d be able to fill the shed at the back of the cabin to capacity. It would keep the wood dry and protected throughout the long winter ahead.

With a deep breath, he made his way back up to the bedroom, fighting the rising need to race up the stairs two at a time. When he entered the bedroom, he saw that she was buried under the duvet, still sound asleep. Stripping down, out of his sweats, he carefully rejoined her, filled with relief and joy so enormous it felt unearned. He had so much to atone for but knew it wasn’t a requirement or even expected. They had waited a lifetime for this, each knowing that this was it. Neither one of them could leave this place and that they were together at last.

“Hmmm...is it morning?” she asked, her voice muffled by the duvet.  
“Not even close,” he answered softly, “You’ve been asleep for maybe two hours.”  
“I feel like I’ve been asleep for a week,” she said, sitting up and stretching.

He was able to see the scars left by her surgeries and a new one, raised and red, on her shoulder. He felt the familiar rage that accompanied him wanting to completely destroy whoever did her harm. It was a story he would ask for later, after he had heard all the ones about Mia growing up. He hoped his heart would be ready to hear them in the morning but he wasn’t ready yet.

_Not yet, he thought, as he stopped himself from reaching to touch her newest mark._   
_Not yet, he thought, as he memorized the new way she held her body still._   
_Not yet, he thought, feeling helplessly in love with this amazing woman next to him._

“Does time move differently here?” she asked. Her attention was on the windows above them.  
“Not so much differently...we still have a 24 hour day but it takes longer to go around the sun here. The year is longer but not the day,” he answered her, amused at where her mind went to when she was curious.

She turned to face him, her eyes widened in surprise and she smiled. “We can talk about astronomy later,” her voice was a low, like a purr.  
“You like?” he inquired, smiling as she caressed his face.  
“I can see your face now,” she replied softly, tenderly tracing the scar on his hairline, feeling the slope of his cheeks. Her thumbs brushed gently across his lips, causing his heart to skip a beat and then race in anticipation.  
“I’m not a young man anymore,” he teased.  
“No, you aren’t, you actually have some stamina now.”

With a practiced groan, he wrapped his arms around her, feeling her body shake against his as she laughed, and held her in a tight embrace. Felicity rested her head on his chest and sighed, her fingertips running across his chest, tracing his scars as she did. It was a habit of hers that he loved. It was comforting, reassuring. He closed his eyes and let his body remember her touch.

“I love this bed,” she sighed, “it is perfect.”  
“I like beds you can crawl into and build it for us both,” he admitted. The frame was tall but the mattress was set low so that it looked shorter than it actually was. It was perfectly built for them both and he had wondered if she liked it. He wound a strand of her hair around his finger before letting it fall away so he could repeat the action over and over as he thought about it.

“I’ve missed how you used to play with my hair,” she hummed, nestling closer to him.  
“Good thing we don’t have to get up in the morning,” he murmured in his lowest voice.

Felicity looked up at him, her eyes luminous in the golden light, and smiled. Without another word, she sat up, motioning him to follow her, and then moved so she could sit astride his lap, her legs around his hips. It was her favourite way to make love. They had to be slow, deliberate and focused on each other. He loved it because he could watch her through it all.

Her body hadn’t changed in the last two decades, at least not in any real visible way. She was still the same size but fitter, like she had been training. He hoped she hadn’t seen action in the field, but he knew better than to ask. Leaning forward, he kissed her neck just as she reached between them and took hold of his cock.

While he may have joked that he was no longer a young man, his body sprung into action in defiance of that claim. She stroked him, firm but tender, until he was painfully hard. But still, she took her time, watching him, waiting for him to decide if he was going to allow her to take control of the moment and him. Smiling, he pulled her into a kiss, one where he surrendered to her, knowing that the union of their bodies was about more than sex, it was leading them back to each other.

She lifted her hips and slowly pushed down the length of his cock. He took a deep breath as he felt the hot, wet heat of her body. A rushing sound roared in his ears as she rocked their bodies together once he was deep inside her. As she moved, he felt her abdomen pressed against his, heightening the intimacy of the position.

He watched her, how the light framed her body, and felt something extraordinarily different. As her body shuddered and jerked through her climax, he was surprisingly moved by it, by her. It was like turning a corner and coming face to face with a timeless work of art or hearing a symphony. His entire body was attuned to hers and he was overwhelmed by the frenetic energy building between them. The rush of his orgasm built in his veins, twin rivers of fire racing for release, and his heart felt ready to burst.

Felicity felt the volcanic heat of it and slowed her rhythm, and used her pelvic muscles to hold him still while her body rumble through another wave of ecstasy. His cock still jumped and throbbed and he wondered if his orgasm would ever end. She looked down at him, her eyes dark and full of love, watching him as she leaned down to kiss him. He was entranced by her, her touch, the way her tongue felt as it stroked his own, the silky heat of where their bodies were joined.

He tried to focus on her pleasure but it flashed bright, like a shooting star, blinding him, she was a celestial body come to earth and he was captivated by her in every way. The strength of their relationship was complicated, it was full of give and take, of forgiveness and love, but the physical part was simple. They desired each other in a singular way that often left him stunned and breathless.

“I love you,” she murmured over and over, her lips pressed to his neck, his cheeks, his lips. It was as though she were etching the words on his skin, over his scars, around his heart.  
“I love you, too,” he whispered against her lips before kissing her again. He had missed the softness of her lips.  
“I think we need another bath,” she chuckled.  
“How about a shower?”  
“Where is the shower?” she asked, looking around the loft.

He winked at her and moved forward so he could place his feet on the floor and stood up with her still wrapped around his body. She laughed and held on. The shower was hidden at the back of the loft, separate from the rest of the bathroom for a specific reason. Gently, he let her down, feeling the pang of sadness as his cock slipped free of her, and opened the door.

Felicity entered first and gasped.

“Oliver, I know your obsession with bathrooms but I approve of this,” she declared in awe.

The small room was dominated by two, large windows that met at the corner facing west. The shower was a series of different sized shower heads on the ceiling in a glass enclosed stall facing the windows. The flooring was natural stone and there were plants everywhere. It was lush, tropical and warmer than one would expect.

“Is that a stone bench?” she asked, pointing at the form in the corner of the shower.  
“It is. Here, let me turn up the lights,” he replied, touching a small panel on the wall, small lights came on, one by one, both along the floor and ceiling. He watched her expression go from awe to unadulterated joy.  
“I love it. You are a genius,” she said exuberantly.

Taking her hand, he led her into the stall. The water, when he turned it on, was the perfect temperature. The technology involved was beyond him but she looked impressed and closed her eyes as the water flowed over her. This was their ritual; to cleanse one another in preparation for sleep.

When he looked at her, he forgot that she was now 51 and he was 55. He felt like he did at the start of their relationship when his cock had a mind of its own and her body was all that he wanted. When he would have held the sunset for her if she wanted the day to last just a little bit longer. To redirect his growing desire, he washed her, letting his fingers explore all the part of her he had yet to revisit. He paid attention to her thighs, the curve of her ass, the fullness of her breasts.

“You are still so perfect,” he murmured.  
“So are you,” she said, “Age has really not hurt you at all, Mr. Queen.”  
“Flirt,” he teased.  
“Is it working?”  
“You could seduce me wearing a paper bag, Felicity,” he sighed.

Laughing, she rinsed her hair, then took the sponge he was holding and began the ritual of cleansing his body. Her hands lingered on his back, like she was relearning the story it told. She repeated the same process on his chest and arms. When it came to his legs, she let her hands brush lightly against his cock, over and over until he felt it twitch. She was still a master at testing him to see just how ready he was.

“Hmmm...Felicity...careful,” he warned half heartedly.  
“Oliver,” she murmured, her tongue flashing out to lick the skin on the centre of his chest, “Twenty. Years.”

Again, her hand brushed past his cock, a touch as light as air, and he groaned. He was exhausted but the call of her body, the persistence of her touch, pushed him to action. He slipped his hand between her legs, stroking her clit until he felt her tremble. He used his fingers and thumb in tandem but stopped when he felt her begin to shake. She looked up at him with an unfocused stare and waited.

Not taking his eyes off of her, he reached to the side wall and turned off the water. Taking her by the hand, he led her out of the shower and wrapped her in another large, fluffy towel before doing the same. They didn’t speak, not while they dried off nor when he led her back to the bedroom area.

“Lie down,” was all he said and she did, her hair still wet but she smelled heavenly, like coconuts and honey.

He knew what he wanted. He knelt over her, running his hands along the curves of her body, so new yet still so familiar, desire roaring in his ears, and let his fingers find the wet heat of her body. Tenderly, deliberately, he kissed a trail of fire down her chest, past her breasts, until he could cover her with his mouth, his tongue flicking out to stroke her clit.

Her hands searched for his and he laced their fingers together. Her legs tightened around his head and her back arched off the bed as he increased the way he sucked and licked her most sensitive part. He could hear her panting, struggling to maintain her plateau. But he was relentless, not easing up until she released his hands and grabbed his head, her orgasm thundering through her, a tsunami powerful enough to carry them both away.

She still felt the same on his tongue. Silky, lubricious. He moved up her body, and with deliberate intent, slowly thrust inside her. She pulled him down into a kiss, pushing her tongue past his lips, tasting herself on his tongue, and raised her hips up to meet his, eager for the contact. They were a tangle of searching hands, legs and lips, with energy building to a fever pitch between them.

Oliver found himself whispering promises to her, telling her that his life was hers, that this time nothing could take him away from her. She clung to him, accepting his words, letting him write them on her skin and around her heart. Her pulse thundered under his lips as he kissed the tender skin on her neck, he could feel the way her entire body trembled and he felt renewed. There was no end to how much he loved her.

It was when he deep inside her that he paused and rocked his hips against hers that he felt a shift. Her hand was over his heart, her eyes locked onto his, and the sense of timelessness that they were searching for since she set foot on this brand new shore, returned. Diving into the blue green swirls in her eyes, he felt welcomed into her orbit, ready for the future with her and only her.

She had crossed dimensions for him, exactly as she said she would, and the enormity of that act could have shut him down in the past but now he reached out, letting love be the bridge that finally brought them back to each other. The currents of energy and desire that flowed between them crackled and snapped. Felicity’s legs tightened around his waist, her body squeezing and pulsating hard around his cock, as she found she could no longer keep her orgasm contained within her.

The despair of loneliness, the endless searching and need, all of that flowed away. He listened to her small cries and felt the building pressure in his groin, the way his cock seemed to swell and twitch before he came, scalding hot, dissolving them both. They crumbled like a sand castle under the incoming tide. He pulled out of her slowly, groaning at the exquisite way pain mingled with pleasure, laid down next to her, exhausted and ready for sleep.

“Oliver?” she murmured, curling up next to him, her fingers gently tracing patterns on his skin, “Can I ask you something?”  
“Sure,” he answered, slowly letting go of consciousness in favour of sleep.  
“What’s for breakfast in the morning?”

He laughed at her and hugged her close with one arm. With the other, he pulled the blankets over them and fell headlong into the deepest sleep he’d had in twenty years. His dreams where an ethereal and endlessly moving landscape of colours and light. Eventually, after tumbling past the darkest memories that haunted him, he found himself walking through a flower filled meadow.

The colours were muted even though the sun was shining in the blue sky above him. He looked around, trying to find whatever it was he was there to see when he saw something shining on the horizon. It was small but it was moving, coming closer and closer to where he stood, breathing life back into the flowers, the grass, the low lying flowering shrubs. He was mesmerized by the way the land responded to the light flowing over it.

Bit by bit, the light got closer, moving like liquid over the earth. Shading his eyes, Oliver peered into the illuminating shape and saw, with more joy and love filling his heart than he thought possible, Felicity. She moved into his arms and he felt the light inside of him begin to grow, pushing out of him to meet hers. With her, he knew he would know a greater peace than he possibly deserved but he would do his best to earn it.

He woke up the following morning feeling that same calm and peace from his dream that Felicity brought into his life. She was still asleep, nestled deep under the covers next to him. He knew she would wake up hungry but he was happy and warm, content to wait. He thought that food could wait for just a bit longer until he looked up and saw what the storm has left behind. He was glad he had bought extra supplies.

“Hmmm...I’m hungry,” came a sleepy voice from beneath the down duvet.  
“I figured you’d say something like that,” he chuckled and reached under the covers to pull her out from under them.  
“What are you doing?” she laughed, pretending to struggle.  
“Look up,” he said quietly.

She opened one eye to the sky and saw the falling snow and the way it warmed, melted and ran in tiny rivlets down the windows above them. Her eyes lit up and she smiled.

“Snow…,” was all she said.  
“Get dressed,” he encouraged.  
“I don’t have clothes for this,” she said sadly.  
“Well…”  
“Oliver. Did you…?” she looked at him as he actively avoided her eyes.  
“I had faith,” was all he said with a faux casual shrug.  
“Where are they?”

He pointed towards the washroom where, beside it, the closest had been cleverly hidden. Over time, he had bought clothes for her because he knew she would come eventually. With a final look up to the sky, she got out of bed and went to check what he had bought. He watched her go, moving from light into shadow, and marveled at the changes he could see now in the light. She was still tiny but her curves had changed, her hips were fuller, but she still moved with a fluid grace full of kinetic energy that always captivated him.

“Oliver Queen!” she called from the depth of the closet, “You are amazing!”  
“I did good?” he called back, getting out of bed, searching for clothes to put on.  
“You did!” she said, coming back to the bedroom as she pulled on a sweater over warm leggings. She had thick socks in her hands and a pair of boots. Joining him at the end of the bed, she sat down beside him and put them on.

Smiling, Oliver leaned over her and gave her a tender, lingering kiss. “Good morning,” he murmured.  
“Good morning,” she replied softly, her eyes shining. “I have been looking forward to saying that to you again for so long.”  
“Come on,” his voice thick with emotion. “Let’s go downstairs.”

Taking her by the hand, he led her back down the stairs to the main floor and then over to the windows that faced the ocean. The snow was heavy and wet. It laid thick over the deck and clung to the trees lining the mountain side. He slipped on his boots and jacket and opened the front door. The air was cool and crisp, more snow was on the way if the clouds on the horizon were any indication. In the distance, they heard the loud snap of branches breaking under the weight of snow, tumbling to the forest floor.

“It is beautiful here,” she said in quiet reverence of the scene in front of them.  
“It’s infinitely more beautiful now that you are here,” he , wrapping his arms around her from behind.  
“Flirt,” she laughed.

They stood in silence, listening to the quiet. Snow blanketed all the normal sounds of the forest but soon their ears adjusted to it and the melodious chirps of birds under the tree top canopy drifted down to them, followed by the distant sound of water flowing, fast and smooth, over rocks. The forest was alive all around them.

“Oliver?” she inquired softly, “Food?”  
“Ok, ok,” he chuckled.  
“And toothbrush?”  
“Main floor bathroom above the sink.”

She turned to go inside but paused at the door, “You should really use one, too.”

He bent down, scooped up a handful of snow and flung it at her, sending her screaming, back into the warm confines of the cabin. He looked back at the ocean for a minute and saw it all with brand new eyes. This place was now home. Not just a house he was building, waiting for Felicity to appear. Not anymore. She was here. She was his foundation, the home he was waiting for.

Going inside, he started the coffee and began making breakfast. A simple one of eggs, fruit and toast. He was reaching for the strawberries when something made him stop. It was the sudden surge of curiosity, of needing to know her life and Mia’s, of not wanting to wait for the right time because they had their entire lives to sit in comfortable silences. He couldn’t be afraid of the tears, the pain of knowing at last.

He brought the breakfast not to the kitchen nook or table, but instead to the couch in front of the fire, which he quickly tended and then laid another log. It would be interesting to keep the cabin warm and finding the balance between not enough and too much wood on the fire. He didn’t mind it cool but knew Felicity liked it warm. She soon rejoined him, her hair pulled back in a loose ponytail and her face washed clean. She still looked so young.

“Sit, eat, I’ll be right back,” he said and slipped upstairs to brush his teeth, wash his face and change his clothes. If he was going to do what he thought he was going to do, he wanted to be as comfortable as possible because the conversation would last well into the night.

“This coffee...Oliver...I think I am in love,” she said, savouring every mouthful.  
“Just with the coffee?” he teased.  
“Play your cards right…,” she said slyly and laughed at his look of playful shock.

When breakfast was done, they cleaned up and then he pulled her back to the couch. The fire was warm but he covered them with a blanket anyways. It was more intimate and comfortable to sit with her this way. They leaned back, her head on his shoulder, letting the day slip past them, no longer feeling the urgency to rush through stories or fast hurried sex.

“What is it, Oliver?” she asked. He had forgotten how good she was at reading the signals his body gave off.  
“I was thinking…,” he began before trailing off.  
“Uh oh,” she said with a nudge to his ribs.  
“Stop it,” he chuckled, “I was thinking that I’d like to know about Mia and your life and what happened after I left.”  
“Are you sure? Some if it might not be easy for you to hear or for me to say,” she admitted.  
“I am,” he said softly, kissing the top of her head, “And I am not going anywhere. We will get through it.”  
“We will, won’t we?” she whispered, looking up at him.  
“We will,” he said softly, leaning down to kiss her. It was a tender one that contained all the promises he would keep this time.

Her eyes shone bright and he was transported back to his dream the night before. He could smell the meadow and feel the sunshine on his skin but it was the light that she emanated that cast out the murky, clingy darkness that shrouded the corners of his mind. She was the energy of the universe in human form. 

“So where do I start?” she asked softly, her hand seeking his, an offering of comfort and shared strength.  
“Start...start at the beginning,” he answered, bringing her hand to his lips.

And so she did.

The End


	10. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I lied. I had one small chapter left as an epilogue told all from Felicity's POV.  
> It is set five years in the future and gives a tiny glimpse into their daily lives and how they have settled into their new realities. I thought it was important to see them as older people, still in love, and still finding out the stories they have yet to share.
> 
> This is it, I think. It feels like the natural end for now as I am not sure how the show will end and I wanted to end them in a positive place but with glimpses of what is to come as they stay together on their paradise world.
> 
> And who knows? Depending on that the show does, I won't rule out another story in the months to come.
> 
> Thank you all for reading this small exploration of their world as I have envisioned it after Felicity walked through the portal, leaving everything behind for Oliver.

**Epilogue**

  
**Five Years Later**

Felicity stood and looked out over the bay. The sun was slowing sinking towards the horizon and the birds of the forest were calling to each other as they made their way back to their nests. She listened to the way the wind rustled the leaves in the trees, the eolian tones that were so comforting no matter the time of day.

Fall in this timeless place seemed to go on forever. The leaves all over the mountain had finally ripened to a deep ochre, a colour she had seen on earth, but never on a tree. Not even Vermont could compete with the colours offered up all around her. They had taken years to explore the mountains around them. They had found old trails that lead to waterfalls, coves, meadows and streams teeming with fish.

But time was slowly catching up with them. Oliver had just turned sixty and was beginning to slow down just a little bit. But he was still strong enough to cut down trees for firewood and do all the necessary physical work to maintain the property and house. She suspected he would be able to do all of that until he was in his eighties.

_Once a superhero, always a superhero, she thought with an affectionate smile._

Up on the cliff, Oliver had built a stone bench for them to sit on. He’d also cleverly built a weatherproof box that contained cushions, blankets and rain gear for them to use, depending on the weather, and best of all, he’d dug a firepit and used volcanic rocks to minimize the use of fire as it could get incredibly dry high up on the cliffs. The rocks held the heat for hours, allowing them to stay long after the sun had set. She was headed up to it now to get it started. The weather was perfect for them to sit out and relax for a few hours before bed.

She liked to call it their outdoor living room. The bench was comfortable once the cushions were on it and the firepit was perfect for warding off the chill brought in on the wind. Her back had been twinging the last couple of months and she felt it tighten up as she made her way up to the cliffside bench. There was always the fear that the biochip could malfunction, but this felt like something age related. She paused to massage her lower back before continuing.

With a sigh, she started her trek up the path and watched the solar lights they had installed to help guide them down at night slowly wink into life. They had interspersed string lights with low lying ones creating a suffused light that produced a gentle, soft white glow. The sun’s fading colour palette of deep pink and purple only made it more otherworldly.

“Oliver?” she called.  
“Up here!” he replied, coming to stand at the head of the path.  
“How did you beat me?” she asked incredulously.  
“I came up the back way,” he smiled, “I was looking for a suitable tree to fell. I think I found one on this side.”  
“We really should switch over to a gas or an electric fireplace.”  
“Not yet. I love the smell of the wood and we are doing our bit at conservancy,” he said, reaching out a hand to help her up the last of the path. It ended in a couple of large steps hand cut out of rock.  
“I know but, Oliver, we aren’t getting any younger,” she said.  
“Maybe you aren’t…,” he remarked and ducked as she lobbed a clod of dirt at him.

She laughed despite herself. He would always be younger in terms of his body and the shape he was in but they both did teased one another in the morning when the weather was damp and their knees would creak and pop.

But then her eyes adjusted to the small clearing and she stopped in her tracks. Looking from Oliver to the bench area, her eyes went wide in surprise.

“Oliver Queen...what have you done?” she asked softly.  
“Happy Anniversary,” he murmured as he pulled her into a long embrace.  
“There was no tree, was there?”  
“Well, there are lots of trees around us…”  
“Smart ass,” she laughed.

He took her by the hand and led her to the small picnic dinner he had brought up for them. He still loved to cook and surprise her. The dinner was simple, wine, cheese, bread and Italian meats, or as close to that particular kind of deli meat that they could get in the local grocery store. For dessert, he had made her favourite: tartufo. He could have given her crackers and spray cheese with flat sparkling water and she would have been happy. The firepit was warm, the cushions were soft and his company was all she wanted.

“So this is our silver anniversary,” she said with a sly look, “but we kind of missed twenty years out of those twenty five.”  
“We could base it on when we met, making this our thirty second anniversary,” he smiled, reaching across to brush her hair off her face.

She had let her hair grow, trimming it only occasionally. She had thought it had changed in the twenty years he’d been gone, but it regenerated somehow, coming in thick, blonde, and wavy. It was as though stepping through the portal to join him had given her back certain things she had thought gone naturally away with age.

“Oliver, I can hardly wait to celebrate our fiftieth,” she mused, staring at him, taking in the grey in his hair, the new lines next to his eyes and the broad set of his shoulders.  
“You will be the best trophy wife of all time,” he deadpanned.  
“Let me correct myself,” she began but he playfully cut her off with a tender kiss.

Shaking her head, she laughed at him and finished her dessert while listening to him describe the addition he wanted to build to his workshop. He’d recently developed a love of woodworking, so he needed more space. Since winding up here, he had become a man of many talents and she was benefiting from it all.

The late evening wind picked up, signalling it was time to head back down to their home. Except she had a surprise for him and was wanting to get to it before they were both too tired.

“Hey, I meant to tell you earlier that the screen on the back of the gazebo has come loose,” she said as they made their way down the path.  
“Can I look at it tomorrow?”  
“You know those weird squirrel things are looking to nest for the winter, they will love that space.”  
“Ok, ok,” he said with a sigh.  
“Thank you for dinner,” she said as they got to the bottom of the path, “It was perfect.”

Oliver slipped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head, “I’d do that every day of the week if I could.”  
“I wish you would...just so that I don’t have to cook,” she sighed. She still tried to cook for them and was slowly getting better.  
“God, me, too,” he agreed quickly.

She laughed at that, and quickly kissed him on the cheek. “Come on, it’s getting cold.”

They made their way to the gazebo Oliver had built the previous year. It felt indulgent but on hot nights, they would retreat to it so that the cool breeze coming up from the water could reach them. They had put a makeshift bed in it but, with the help of the ladies in the hamlet, she had replaced it with something far more elegant.

Oliver opened the screen door and walked in. At first he didn’t seem to notice it but within a minute, he stopped and stared. He leaned down to touch it, to make sure it was real, and then he turned to look at her.

“Felicity, this is like the outdoor bed in Bali,” he said in awe and surprise.  
“Happy Anniversary, love,” she whispered.  
“How did this happen?” he asked, now confused as he tried to figure out how she got the bed in and set up. “We’ve been together all week!”  
“Well, we did go on that hike yesterday,” she was deliberately vague, trying to see if he could figure it out.  
“Wait...so while we were up the mountain, you had someone come and install it? So that’s why you suggested the hot tub and not our usual nap,” he said, turning towards her with a smile.  
“It was so hard to convince you, too!” she laughed, remembering his initial reluctance to starting up the tub they had installed on the far end of the deck.

Oliver joined her in laughing and wrapped her in a bear hug. Finding ways to surprise him in this strange place was difficult but she found a way. While they were up in the forest, a small team had come in and installed a king sized bed made of reclaimed wood, surrounded by gauzy curtains strung with fairy lights. It was almost identical to the one they had spent more than one hot, sultry night in the jungle heat of Bali on.

The bonus of this one was that it was inside a screened in space that could be called a gazebo but it had a small bathroom and kitchenette. It was more like a guest house with its small wood stove and living room area. Oliver kept expanding its footprint and, though it hurt to think about now, it had come in handy in the first few weeks after it was completed. They had fought, not out of anger, but out of frustrated love, as they worked through the complicated emotions surrounding how they ended up where they were.

She had slept out in it a few times, as had he, always coming back into the house, seeking absolution. It was granted without question and then the tender mercy of forgiveness would begin. The simple fact was that they loved one another enough to never hold a grudge, to love without question and to accept that forgiveness was part of that love.

Tantrums of the soul, he had called them, giving her pause to think how much he had grown as a man in the twenty years they had been separated. He always downplayed his intelligence, which frustrated her because she knew how smart he truly was, but what she hadn’t expected to find lurking deep within his soul was a poet. He would quote poetry to her, late at night, spoken quietly in her ear when he thought she was asleep.

It was magical when he did that. She would let herself drift on the eddy behind his words, finding comfort and love in the currents. He had allowed himself to relax into who he was meant to be on the rocky shore of their homestead, as she called it, and she found him more beautiful every day.

“I’m feeling a bit tired,” he declared with an exaggerated yawn.  
“Kick off your shoes,” she admonished as he went to get on the bed, “that is actual linen...or as close to real linen as you can get here.”  
“My mother raised me better than that, Felicity,” he sighed in mock disappointment.

Shaking her head, she slipped off her shoes and laid down on the ridiculously plush bed. She had gone out of her way to make it as extravagant as possible given the cost. Dark, moss green duvet cover, cocoa coloured sheets and matching knit blanket, topped off with more pillows than she could count.

But the showstopper for her was the skylight above them. Oliver had once again fitted two windows together so perfectly that the sill between them was invisible. When he showed it to her, he had proposed to her, wanting to marry her anew on this new world. She remembered her saying yes before he finished asking, and the way they had exchanged vows under the full moon by the shore later that night. There were no witnesses, save the sea creatures in the far, far distance, but that didn’t matter. It was about reaffirming their marriage with, their commitment to each other after a lifetime apart.

“This is wonderful,” he murmured, getting settled on the bed.  
“You like?” she asked, nestling herself against him.  
“I love it. I love you,” he said quietly and kissed the top of her head, “Now watch the stars.”

It was a perfectly clear night and the stars were beginning to come into view. Sometimes she got dizzy when the moon was dark and the sky was clear. She could feel the universe moving, above her head and below her feet, and it had the power to force her to her knees.

This night was no exception.

Oliver turned to face her, his eyes were gentle in the soft light. He had a few more lines on his face but otherwise he was still her Oliver. Reaching up, she cupped his face. Twenty five years. She wondered how many more they had left and hoped it was another twenty five or more.

“I think we should stay out here as often as possible,” he murmured, staring into her eyes.  
“I think so, too,” she whispered, afraid that if they were too loud, that she would break the spell they were weaving.  
“I love this bed,” he said seriously.  
“More than the one inside?” she teased.  
“Yes, because-”  
“Oh no, you don’t,” she warned.  
“You are-” he continued.  
“Please don’t be cheesy!” she begged.  
“In it.” he finished with a brilliant smile.  
“Oh my GOD, Oliver Queen! Where did this person come from?” she groaned.  
“Come on!” he laughed, “You love it.”  
“You’d think so but you would be wrong,” she grumbled lightly.

They laid on the bed, staring up at the sky without speaking for a long time. Felicity enjoyed the moments they found in the day that were filled with silence, where they could sit and listen to the world around them. The ocean was her favourite sound. The surface of it rose and fell with timeless ease, as rhythmic as breath, and it was always the last sound she heard before falling asleep.

“We should probably head in,” he murmured softly, his voice betraying his tiredness.  
“If we turn on the fire, we could stay here,” she suggested.  
“We could,” he said, his words slurred by sleep.  
“Come on,” she nudged him with her shoulder, “get undressed.”  
“Why Felicity Smoak, it’s a good thing we are married,” he said with false modesty.  
“I don’t know, Oliver, you got naked quicker when we weren’t married,” she muttered just loud enough for him to hear.

Oliver laughed his low and rumbling laugh, the one that took her breath away and made her weak in the knees. She watched him as he sat up and took off his shirt and resisted the urge to reach out and touch his back. Not from any feelings of uncertainty but because she wanted to watch him unaware. To just look at him without needing to speak. It was a luxury she had to get used to since arriving on this world.

When he stood up to continue removing his clothes, she shifted to join him and felt a stabbing pain in her back. It had been happening more often the last few months but she was always able to hide it from Oliver. This time, she failed. Her sharp intake of breath and small whimper caused Oliver’s head to whip around and he was by her side in a blink of an eye.

“Felicity, what is it?” he asked urgently.  
“Just a bit of pain in my back,” she answered through gritted teeth.  
“Where?”

She pointed to her lower back, just above her waist. It was near where her implant was located but it felt like a muscle spasm not an issue with her spinal column. She looked up, saw the worry on his face and immediately reached out for him. He took her hand and helped her stand up. She waited while he ran his hands over her back, testing for tender spots, probing with tender fingers, waiting for her body to give up its secrets.

“Oh!” she exclaimed as his fingers pressed into the knot in the muscle in her back, “Right there.”  
“You know the drill. Take off you clothes,” he said, his tone offering no room for argument.  
“Yes, sir,” she answered with a small salute.  
“Need help?”  
“Oliver, if my back didn’t hurt, I’d think you were flirting with me,” she teased, slowly easing her sweater off.  
“Eh,” he said with a bored shrug.  
“I will make you pay for that,” she uttered darkly.  
“Sit down,” he laughed, “I’ll help with your leggings and socks.”  
“I’m too young for this, Oliver,” she said, fighting down a surge of emotion.  
“You are, which is why we are going to work on this together, ok?” he said softly. He crouched down in front of her and held her hands. “Yao Fe taught me a thing or two.”  
“Ok,” she said softly, studying his hands and how they engulfed her own.

Oliver, after slipping on his underwear and shoes, left her alone for a moment as he ran back to the main house in search of his new box of medicines. He’d spent the past four years exploring the native flora and fauna, looking for things he recognized. Some of his finds had worked wonders on a variety of ailments, from colds to cuts and bruises, and some had not been good, leaving them with rashes or weird tastes in their mouths.

Carefully, she got to her feet and took a few cautious steps towards the fireplace. It was a fake wood one, it’s energy supplied by a series of solar cells on the roof. She wanted to leave the windows open but could feel the night rapidly cooling off. With a sigh, she turned it on, pulled the windows almost closed and retreated back to the bed, pulling back the covers and slipping between the cool sheets.

“Ok,” he said, re-entering the gazebo turned bedroom, “turn over.”  
“Ohh, sexy,” she half laughed, half winced.  
“I don’t like that wince. How long has this been going on?” he asked, his voice perhaps sharper than he intended.  
“A few months,” she said truthfully.  
“Felicity Megan Smoak…,” he sighed and rubbed his hands together. She smelled something faintly pungent, a hint of pine trailing behind it. He’d created a salve that worked wonders on tired, sore muscles. It absorbed into the skin so completely, that she knew her skin would glow and be soft as silk to the touch.

His warm, slippery hands gently passed over the sore spot on her back. Firm, knowledgeable strokes, over and over again, until she could feel the heat it generated beginning to work. Her muscles relaxed and she was able to take a deep breath. There was a doctor in the hamlet but so far, she had resisted going to her. The drive just took far too long.

“Feeling better?” his voice sounded so far away. She tried to answer him but couldn’t find the energy to do so.  
“I guess you are,” he chuckled softly.

She felt the mattress shift as he got up and sound of running water from the bathroom. The mattress shifted again and the covers fluttered softly over her. They were light as air but warm. Oliver’s continued to slowly rub her back, waiting to see if she jumped. When she didn’t, he settled next to her, staring up at the sky.

“I don’t think it’s my implant,” she said, drowsy from the pain and the careful massage.  
“It’s something though. We need to get you to town,” his voice low and unyielding.  
“Next week,” she murmured, moving to sit up.

Her back felt good. Not a twinge, not a single shooting pain. He had worked wonders with his hands again. Whatever it was that Yao had taught him to do with pressure points had worked like a charm all the way out here, on the flipside of the Universe. She looked up at the sky and tried to recognize any constellations but once again failed to spot a signpost pointing the way home.

“Do you think you will ever get bored here? With me?” she asked suddenly.  
“Where on earth did that come from?” he asked perplexed. He propped himself up on his elbow so that he could look down at her, trying to read her expression.  
“I was just thinking, what if something happens and I lose my ability to walk, everything will change. You wouldn’t be able to go on those monster hikes, because you know our deal,” she said, reminding him of the deal they had struck, that neither of them could go up the mountain alone in case of an accident or fall.  
“Felicity, you know I won’t get bored if I can’t go on a hike,” he said as he picked up her left hand, holding it up so the fairy lights bounced off her wedding ring, “and this ring basically says for better of worse.”  
“I know,” she smiled, “but you know me.”  
“I do,” he chuckled, “and I know it’s the pain talking.”  
“Goddamnit, I love you,” she smiled.  
“I love you more,” he murmured and leaned down to kiss her.

Felicity felt herself flush hot with desire. Sex was different now, still immensely intense and satisfying, but slower as they both needed more time to find that place of intimate release. She had loved the way their bodies had matured and how they still enjoyed each other as often as possible. She wondered how long they would be able to maintain the pace they had established so early on as they both got older. Oliver, bless him, had shown no inclination in slowing down.

“Happy forever anniversary,” he murmured against her lips.  
“Happy forever anniversary,” she whispered back, her blood suddenly exploding hot in her veins. She wound her arms around him and kissed him, tenderly at first but with growing desire.  
“Are you sure?” he asked, concerned but with a thread of hope hidden behind each word.  
“Yes, Oliver,” she answered, her voice low and husky, “God, yes.”

He smiled into her kiss, his hands slowly moving the length of her body. The more gentle he was with her, the more she wanted him but was willing to go as slow as he wanted to go. That was the beauty of age. They took time to delight in the other, finding new ways to experience shared ecstasy. It took longer to reach that space of joy now but the journey was worth it.

His lips were hot against her skin, she loved their texture and the tenderness of his touch. She let him take his time, defenseless under the strength of his body. It reminded her of the weeks that followed her arrival in this strangely familiar land. When they would spend hours in bed, insatiable and fearful that somehow even this paradise would be taken from them.

Every room had become a playground. She played with Oliver’s strength, demanding he hold her up, so they could make love standing in front of the windows at the front of the cabin, the shower. There was no need for shyness when the nearest neighbour was ten or more miles away. They had even found quiet clearings in the forest to shed their clothes and rejoice in the warmth of the sun and the yielding softness of each other’s flesh. She remembered late one summer evening, up at their cliff side bench, when Oliver had settled between her legs, making her come over and over again with just his tongue with only the large seabirds to witness her ecstasy.

As time passed, and the urgency lessened its grip, they started taking time with each other. As their bodies changed, so did their erogenous zones. When her cycle became more and more infrequent, she needed more time to warm up, making it so important for Oliver to slow down and take his time. For him, he needed similar attention from her. It was like discovering each other for the first time, bringing back memories of Nanda Parbat.

“Turn over,” he whispered in her ear. She shivered, despite the warmth of his body pressed against her, and complied with his request. “You can relax this way.”  
“Not for long,” she murmured, breathless as he ran his hand over her hip.

Recently, they discovered that gentler positions created more intense moments. Oliver had complete access to her body like this and he indulged them both. She pressed back into him, rocking her hips, waiting for him. His hand slipped low down her leg before sliding between her legs to lightly stroke her clit. His fingers becoming slippery and warm the longer he let them linger.

“I love this,” she breathed, “Don’t stop…”  
“Never,” he chuckled, deep in his body, rumbling through her body in waves.

His cock was slower to harden, a new luxury, not a frustration. She always made sure to appreciate how he got there, not with empty flattery, but with the knowledge that she understood his body just as well as he understood hers. It was hard won knowledge but his nonetheless and she had never known such euphoria.

With practiced ease, he pulled her to the precipice and then eased away, not letting her find the necessary footing to let go and climax around his fingers. His lips were on her shoulder, her neck, his other hand on her breasts. She covered his hands with her own, wanting to feel what he did, trying to understand his devotion to her.

One night, a month after she arrived, they laid in bed, deep under the duvet, watching the snow as it fell in large, heavy flakes on the windows above them. The fires were going and the lights were off but it was still light enough to see. Even in the wilderness, the snow illuminated as it fell. They were luxuriating in the freedom of being able to relax and watch the night as it moved slowly past them.

She told him stories of Mia and her habit of building snowmen and women and then kicking them apart for practice. One day, after a heavy snowfall, she had taught Mia the secret of how to build a snow fort using bricks of frozen snow. She came out later that afternoon and saw Mia systematically kicking it apart using the skills Nyssa had taught her.

Oliver had laughed hard at that, even though she knew his heart hurt, and he held her tight as though afraid she would vanish like a snowflake in a storm. She had glimpsed their reflection in the windows above and watched with exploding desire as his hips thrust hard against her as they made love with a frenzy, like they were young once again. But it was what he said to her as they drifted off to sleep that stuck with her the most, even after all these years.

_“I never expected you to fall in love with me but I was going to give you my heart regardless,” he murmured as he turned inward, towards his inner frontier._

She had never heard him phrase it like that, that his insecurity about her still wouldn’t have stopped him from falling in love and remaining in love with her even if she turned another way. Now he knew differently, but at the beginning, he hadn’t been able to see how in love she was with him. They had both been so blind and stubborn. It was a wonder they had managed to push past their own trauma and walls to finally be vulnerable enough to connect.

Her attention was pulled back to her body as she felt Oliver gently ease into her from behind. It was intense, wildly erotic and sent electric shocks throughout her body. With his fingers stroking her clit is firm but gentle rhythmic patterns, all she could do was hold on, trying desperately to not rush to pleasure. His breath on her neck and the way his body pressed against hers were challenging her resolve, but the truth of it was the intimacy he generated with a simple touch of his hand to hers or the look in his eyes when he smiled at her was more than enough.

“God, Oliver,” she murmured, feeling his lips on her neck, “how did this get so good?”

Instead of answering, with his cock buried deep inside her, he increased the pressure of his fingers until she shuddered and cried out. Her body flooded with endorphins as her orgasm rolled on and on. It was one thing she loved about her changing body, it held onto the erotic bliss, this sensual joy, with all its might.

Pushing his hand away, she turned to face him, moved back into his arms and effortlessly rejoining their bodies. With her leg over his hip, she was able to keep their bodies pressed tightly together. She needed to feel the beat of his heart, the heat of his breath on her skin, and the velvet softness of his tongue in her mouth. She took control of his body, skillfully and with intent.

It was like they were floating on air. Every gentle movement, touch, felt euphoric, brand new. Felicity looked into Oliver’s eyes, still a blue so bold and bright they took her breath away, and knew this was different, new, beyond sex. In time, the physical act would fade away. It was inevitable. But this, the way each touch or kiss lingered, it was like they were memorizing everything, from the taste of the sweat that would bead up on their skin, to the way their muscles moved and jumped. A record for the future.

Oliver’s arms tightened around her, his breathing becoming shallow and ragged. He clung to her, not in submission, but in reverence, knowing that she had walked away from everything she had so she could travel the rest of the way through her life with him. It was love on a scale that dwarfed the universe and still, it grew in size and power.

There were no limits to this world, to the life they could carve out of it. She saw the universe reflected in his eyes and wanted to see it all with him, in this life and all the lives that would follow. His lips found hers again and his hands slipped to her hips, gripping her hard as his orgasm rocketed through him. She held him tight as his body rumbled like thunder and flooded her body with all that he had. And she took it all, even though her body was past being able to accept it and bear fruit.

“It really is getting better,” he said softly.  
“Practice makes perfect,” she smiled.  
“No,” he murmured, smoothing her hair out of her eyes, “it’s more than that.”  
“What do you mean?” she asked, nuzzling his nose with her own, still wanting to feel the heat coming off his skin.  
“It’s you. It’s us. This place,” his voice was husky and soft but his eyes were wide open.  
“Where is this place? Did the Monitor never say?” she had asked him this question before but he was always evasive.  
“It exists for a purpose and we are part of that purpose,” he answered quietly, “It is meant to be safe, secure, free from the life that drove us here. We’ve talked about this, Felicity.”  
“I know,” she said softly, “but I still search the sky, looking for home.”  
“I do, too,” he pressed his forehead to hers and for a moment, they simply laid together, bodies entwined, in silence.

The late evening wind had picked up and the waves were washing over the rocky shore with insistence. Oliver reached down and pulled the covers back over them, making sure to not disturb the positions of their bodies. She smiled and kissed the centre of his chest, appreciating the care he always took with her in intimate moments.

They had their ups and downs, less so now than in the beginning when the arguments had been hot and fierce. Instead, they experienced moments of melancholy, of genuine sadness of the loss of their children. They spoke of Diggle, Thea and Roy with fondness but the sting of loss had lessened. They could reminisce with ease, laughing about the good memories.

Late one night, maybe a month after she had arrived, he had asked her how she survived, not financially but emotionally. It had been a slow dance between them, one that ebbed and flowed, a conversation that needed to happen regardless of their initial reticence.

She had taken a deep breath, feeling the sudden grip of panic wrap itself around her heart, and dove in. She quietly told him how his absence from her life had shattered her, reduced her to her base elements. But she told him how she had re-formed herself, after gathering up the pieces of her heart that she could find, and created herself anew in a home full of private grief.

They cried together, processing twenty years slowly, shedding layers of grief daily until one day the house felt lighter. They had walked the length of the beach and laughed effortlessly before stopping and embracing, tears falling in active joy of knowing they had made it through. Now, five years later, the tears still happened but nowhere near as frequent, and they had fallen into a routine that worked.

Felicity recognized the tears for what they were: sacred. They weren’t shed in weakness but in power and the recognition of the true strength of their devotion to each other above all else. They spoke a language only they understood, offering up the map through overpowering grief, singular repentance, and marvelous, indescribable love.

“One day, we’ll figure out how to contact home,” she smiled sadly, “but I am still so happy to be here.”  
“I am, too,” he murmured, slowly falling asleep.  
“Tomorrow, will you tell me what you did in year 10?” she asked.  
“Is it that time of the year?” he chuckled.  
“Yes,” she laughed softly. She routinely asked him this question once a year, usually around their anniversary. She wanted to know everything but Oliver was slow to give her all the details. Instead, she had come to the understanding that if she asked the right question at the right time, the floodgates would open and all his secrets would come rushing out.  
“Ok,” he agreed, “I’ll start the story again. Tomorrow.”

Felicity kissed the space above his heart, where Adrian Chase had tried to burn a hole, not just in his body, but his very identity. The waxy smooth scar was hot under her lips, as though it still contained the heat of the metal used to burn the Bratva tattoo away. The work he had put into healing from that trauma, from how Chase had tried to strip away his identity through sheer malice and hate, had reminded her why she had fallen in love with him in the first place.

She fell asleep thinking how grateful she was that their relocation to this place hadn’t erased the scars their lives had gifted them. Despite all the pain and grief that accompanied them, they were a roadmap full of meaning. She loved him and his scars, not because of them or despite them. His words from so long ago echoed through her mind as it slowly gave into the darkness at its edges.

_“I never expected you to fall in love with me but I was going to give you my heart regardless.”_

A smile briefly crossed her face. She remembered the moment she knew he was the one her heart had been waiting for and was surprised it took her so long to catch up to him. It brought her so much joy to know they had searched the universe for one another. His heart, shining so bright it was a star in the firmament, had called her home.

The next day was one of leisure for her. Oliver, still wary of her back, did all the household chores with no complaint. He cooked, he cleaned, he pampered her until she contemplated pretending she needed him to carry her upstairs to their bedroom just to see if he believed her. But Oliver left for an afternoon run before she could spring her plan into action.

It was for the best though as she wanted some time alone to continue working on improving the house tech. She had built new solar panels that could actually store excess energy for up to ten years. She had been doing some research into the way their new planet went through climate changes and from what she had been able to glean, every ten years the cloud cover on the coast would increase to such a density that the entire area was plunged into darkness for months at a time.

So singular was her focus that she didn’t hear Oliver come in. The smell of coffee wafted into her study and she smiled, dinner would follow soon and if Oliver was hungry, he would be making something amazing. Carefully putting her tool away and powering down her specially constructed computer, she went out to join him. They were too remote to connect into the local version of the internet but she still needed the main tool of her trade.

She was right. Oliver was busy in the kitchen, cooking something that smelled like curry. She set the table and made sure the fireplace was cleaned and ready to be laid later in the evening. The windows on the front of their large cabin home caught the warmth of the late afternoon sun and kept the space warm enough all on its own. She loved the colours produced by the sunsets, the shifting pinks and oranges, and the way trees on the cliffside looked like they were bathed in fire. In her first days here, she had watched them in awe and then gaped in astonishment as the stars slowly blinked into view.

Their dinner was simple, rustic but filling and delicious. Oliver had made great use of the land they had and carefully cultivated nuts and berries from the forest and made liberal use of them in all their meals. And this one was no exception. They ate in the fading sunlight, listening to the sound of the wind and crashing waves mix with the music she had selected to play. Her phone, which she had brought with her out of habit, didn’t have a network to connect to but her downloaded music was still accessible.

As the first of the stars made their nightly appearance, and the dishes were done, Oliver turned the lights down, relaid the fireplace and invited her to join him on the couch. It wasn’t late but she knew what was coming. He was going to answer her question: what happened in year 10?

“No dessert?” she asked, teasing him as she settled in beside him.  
“Later,” he said softly, a small smile flashed across his face but his eyes were stormy. Lightning flashed within their depths and she felt the stiffness in his body.  
“Oliver,” concern creeping into her voice, “are you going to be ok?”

He was silent for a few minutes, his fingers playing with her hair, staring at the fire. His body was a riot of movement. It was telling her part of the story that he had no words for. Whatever happened in that year was stored in his cells and she could feel the stress of it vibrating under her touch. She looked up and saw the distant look in his eyes.

“Oliver,” she said sharper than she intended, trying to get his attention, “we don’t have to do this now.”  
“No, it’s ok,” he reassured her, “It’s going to be difficult for you and for me.”  
“John,” she said, feeling the sudden drop of her heart. She had been wary of asking about him and when she did, Olvier would answer the question without embellishment. He never offered more than what she asked and she never pushed because she feared the truth. John was still out there, alive, but something happened before Oliver left the universe for good. She knew she was going to hear that story sometime during the night.

“Where should I begin?” he asked, his voice full of remorse and what she recognized as mourning.  
“At the beginning,” she said softly, picking up his hand and gently kissing his palm. Years later she would think back to how freely they spoke that night. How all the pain he carried from that year was finally released once it was spoken. She thought about how the world gives and inevitably takes away. They had sought solace in each other throughout the night, their age irrelevant in the shadow of the need to connect their hearts, bodies and souls.

Taking strength from her, Oliver took a deep breath and began at the beginning.

 

**_~Fin~_ **


End file.
